Should Parents use Corporal Punishment?

Come on, let’s face it — most of us have either witnessed it, undergone it, or had the flying chappal incident narrowly averted at some point in childhood. Spanking or slapping, in many Indian families (and quite frankly, many others as well), is not defined as abuse — it’s merely “discipline.”. I’ve often heard this- “Until and unless you hit the child, how will he/she understand?” 

But let’s take a moment and ask the uncomfortable question: 

Should parents really resort to corporal punishment to correct children? Is hitting the kids necessary to teach them lessons and bring discipline? 

Spoiler alert: The reply is not a straightforward yes or no. So, let’s break it down — no buzzwords, just straight talk. 

Why Do Parents Hit Their Kids in the First Place? 

• “It’s how I was brought up, and I turned out fine.” 
• “They don’t listen otherwise.” 
• “A little slap never did any harm.” 
• “Kids these days are too pampered.”
•  “They need to be strong.” 

We’ve heard these lines. Maybe we’ve said them ourselves. And sure, sometimes it does seem like one slap will fix the chaos faster than a long emotional conversation. But here’s the thing: Just because something is common doesn’t mean it’s right — or even effective. 

So, What Does the Research Say? 

Let’s bring in some science for a minute (but don’t worry, we’ll keep it chill). 

• A 2016 meta-analysis (the Avengers of research studies) examined 160,000+ children and found that spanking was worse, increased aggression, more mental health issues, and poorer parent-child relations. 
• The American Psychological Association says that corporal punishment heightens anxiety, depression, and antisocial behaviour. Essentially, it doesn’t make the child know how to behave — it makes them afraid. 
• The World Health Organisation and UNICEF have both called for a complete ban on corporal punishment, even at home. That’s huge. And guess what? No study has found that physical punishment has positive long-term effects on a child. Not one. 

But It Works, right? (Kind of… but not really) 

Let’s be honest — it may silence a kid in the moment. It’s immediate. It’s dramatic. And sure, it may frighten them into compliance. 

But here’s the reality: 

• Obedience through fear instead of comprehension. 
• It doesn’t instruct them on why the behaviour was bad. 
• It doesn’t assist them in learning to make better decisions in the future. 

Imagine if your boss hit you for being late on a deadline. Would you be a better employee, or just begin covering up your errors? 

Kids are no different. 

What Happens to Kids Who Get Hit? 

You might not notice it right away, but this is what often simmers under the surface:

• They get afraid to open up and communicate, which kills communication.
• They begin to lie to escape punishment. 
• They repeat the same aggression to younger siblings, friends, or classmates.
• They bring invisible bruises into adulthood — low self-esteem, trouble trusting others, and anger problems.

A child does not think, “My parent hit me because they love me.” 

They think, “My parent hit me because I’m bad.” 

So… What’s the Alternative? 

Glad you asked. Discipline is vital. But hitting? Not so much. 

1. Time-Outs (The Right Way) 

Not simply isolating them in a corner, but allowing them time to cool down and think. It’s about regulation, not punishment. For instance, if a child disobeys you, you should tell them to go to their room and think about their actions instead of slapping them. 

2. Catch Them Being Good 

Rather than always telling them what they’re doing wrong, praise them when they’re doing it right. Children will do again what brings them praise, even if it’s negative behaviour. For example, reinforcing their good, disciplined behaviour with praise or chocolate or whatever they like.

3. Natural Consequences 

If they don’t do their homework, they face the teacher. If they spill water intentionally, they clean it up. Senseful consequences — no fear, just learning. For example, if they throw their toys all around, make them pick them up and put them in the box themselves. 

4. Conversations That Work 

Talk. Ask. Listen. It requires patience, but it’s worth it. Rather than yelling, say: “What  were you feeling when you did that?” or “What can we do differently next time?” 

But What If I Already Hit My Kid? 

Hey, if you’ve ever used physical punishment, you’re not a monster. A lot of parents were never shown another way. What does matter is what you do next. 

Try this: 

• Apologise if necessary. That doesn’t make you weak — it makes you human.
• Tell them why you want to learn new ways. 
• Learn together. Let them see you evolve — and they’ll learn it’s okay to change too.

The Bigger Picture

Let’s break the pattern of fear and replace it with respect. 

Let’s bring up children who are not afraid to make mistakes — but who learn why something is not okay, and who know they can always talk to us. 

Kids don’t want perfect parents. 

They want safe, emotionally present, and predictable ones. 

Final Thoughts 

So… should parents use corporal punishment? If we desire children who obey rules, yes — it appears to work. But if we desire children who think, feel, and become healthy, compassionate, resilient adults? Then the answer is no. Discipline isn’t control. It’s guidance. It’s being present, even when you’re exhausted and infuriated, and opting for connection rather than power. And that, honestly, is the toughest — and loveliest — aspect of parenting.

FAQs 

Q: Isn’t a light slap different from abuse? 

A: The intention might differ, but the impact can be similar. Children don’t differentiate  “light” from “heavy” — they remember fear, unpredictability, and shame. Emotional safety is non-negotiable. 

Q: What if the child is being extremely stubborn or aggressive? 

A: Aggression often signals unmet needs — frustration, confusion, or seeking attention.  Addressing the why behind the behaviour will be more effective than hitting the what.  Discipline works best when it’s connected, not disconnected. 

Q: How do I discipline if they don’t take me seriously without fear? 

A: Boundaries don’t require fear — they require consistency, calm, and consequences. You can be firm and respectful. Respect teaches responsibility better than fear ever could. 

“Changing patterns is hard, but parenting was never about doing what’s easy. It’s about doing what’s right, even when it is uncomfortable.”