Tantrum or Meltdown? Understanding the Key Differences in Child Behaviour

We all have come across a child crying and screaming, absolutely refusing to listen to their parents or carers. We often assume the child is “throwing a tantrum”. However, not every emotional outburst is a tantrum. Just like adults, children do experience stress. Sometimes the stress becomes overwhelming for them to withstand, resulting in intense responses. In the domain of psychology, this behaviour is termed ‘meltdown’. 

It is important to understand the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown. A deeper insight will not only change how adults respond to and protect a child’s mental well-being but also strengthen the bond between a child and their carer. Research has consistently suggested that understanding a child’s emotions instead of punishing them can potentially improve both immediate outcomes and long-term development (Siegel & Bryson, 2011).  

Read More: Good Parent, Good Child? The Hidden Pressures of Public Discipline 

Tantrums: When Emotions Have a Goal 

Tantrums are a common behaviour shared among most of the children. They are particularly observed between one and four years of age. During that phase of childhood, children usually do not have enough emotional awareness and self-control needed to express their frustration (Potegal & Davidson, 2003). The behaviour often has the purpose of achieving a desired outcome. However, once the child gets what they want, gets distracted or realises their strategy is not working, the tantrum gradually lessens and stops (American Academy of  Paediatrics, 2018).  

While a tantrum appears to be dramatic, children generally remain aware of their surroundings. They might pause to see whether someone is watching and their strategy is working on the other person, i.e., their carer, to get them what they want. This suggests that to a certain extent the behavioural control remains (Potegal & Davidson, 2003).  

Meltdowns: When the Brain Is Overwhelmed 

Unlike tantrums, meltdowns are not purposeful. During this phase, a child struggles to regain their control over their overloaded nervous system (Miller et al., 2007). While meltdowns can occur in anyone, it is particularly common among autistic individuals and those with sensory processing differences. 

Crowds, loud sounds, hunger and events that cause prolonged emotional stress can result in meltdowns. Once the nervous system of the child reaches its limit to withstand it, the child fails to regulate their emotions. Although this failure is temporary, it is overwhelming and results in a child crying, screaming, covering ears or even running away. They might attempt to somehow completely withdraw from the situation (Bogdashina, 2016).  

Can We Visibly Differentiate Meltdown and Tantrum?  

Tantrums and meltdowns are due to absolutely different causes. 

While a tantrum begins after failing to get something they wanted, the child may still respond to rewards and consequences. Once the objective changes, the behaviour eventually fades (American Academy of Paediatrics, 2018). However, a meltdown does not have a specific starting point. It occurs due to sensory overload. The child fails to process any further instructions. The behaviour only begins to fade gradually as the nervous system slowly calms down.  

Behaviours which are almost identical to each other, crying, yelling, hitting or throwing away objects, can have completely different causes of occurrence. 

What Happens Inside the Brain? 

Within the human brain, the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex support reasoning and self-control and help in emotional regulation (LeDoux, 2012). However, a child’s brain is still in the developing phase. As the child grows, they become more capable of controlling impulses, regulating emotions and thinking rationally (Centre on the Developing Child at  Harvard University, 2012). The child’s brain temporarily lacks the ability to process complex instructions; thus, asking a child to “calm down” during a meltdown has a negligible effect on them.

How to Respond? 

During tantrums, the carer needs to understand the child’s feelings while maintaining strict boundaries. Studies have shown that remaining calm and praising positively after the child has calmed down allows the child to develop better self-control and awareness (Kazdin,  2008). However, during meltdowns, a child is not making conscious behavioural choices. Thus, the carer needs to be more patient with the child. Some pointers that must be taken into consideration are listed below:

• The carer must try to be beside the child and make them feel heard.
• If possible, the child must be taken to a less crowded area.
• If in a room, lowering the lights of the room can help them feel safe and slowly calm them down (Bogdashina, 2016).  
• Once the child does calm down, then the reason for the meltdown can be explored. 
• This way they can slowly learn to regulate their emotions without feeling alienated or blamed.  

It Is Important Not to Misunderstand 

Misinterpreting every difficult behaviour of a child as a sign of disobedience can result in further distress for a child. Punishing a child when they need emotional support can make the child emotionally reluctant. However, treating every behaviour as a meltdown may prevent the child from learning self-control. 

Therefore, a child’s behaviour must be properly understood rather than judged.  An emotionally supportive environment can help a child become emotionally independent and responsible (Gottman, Katz & Hooven, 1997). Thus, carers must try to understand why a child is behaving the way they are before deciding how to respond. Unless the child feels safe, heard and understood, they will not be able to guide themselves out of the exhausting feeling. It is important to connect with the child and make them feel valued. The fulfilment of these needs will help in their emotional development.  

Read More: Mini Adults: Why Children Are Adopting Grown-Up Social Behaviours

Conclusion 

Every emotional outburst has a unique story. Sometimes it is the desire to get something, and sometimes it might be mental exhaustion that the child is unable to comprehend. The carer needs to be patient and be emotionally stable themselves while addressing the needs of the child. One can only guide the other when they have reached the destination themselves.  

A clearer understanding of the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown can make the adults seem more approachable to the young ones. This shift in perspective can pave the way for healthier emotional development within a child. Amidst the presence of an orthodox mindset, one must address emotions as relevant and acknowledge the need for mental well-being. In the end, a child must be heard and valued instead of being punished. While punishment might change their behaviour, it also risks them becoming emotionally incapable of addressing their own emotions. 

References +

• Gottman, J. M., Katz, L. F., & Hooven, C. (1997). Meta-emotion: How families communicate emotionally. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates. 
• Potegal, M., & Davidson, R. J. (2003). Temper tantrums in young children: 1. Behavioural composition. Journal of Developmental & Behavioural Paediatrics, 24(3), 140–147. 
• Miller, L. J., Anzalone, M. E., Lane, S. J., Cermak, S. A., & Osten, E. T. (2007). Concept evolution in sensory integration: A proposed nosology for diagnosis. American Journal of  Occupational Therapy, 61(2), 135–140. 
• Kazdin, A. E. (2008). The Kazdin method for parenting the defiant child. Houghton Mifflin  Harcourt. 
• Centre on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (2011). Building the brain’s “air traffic control” system: How early experiences shape the development of executive function (Working Paper No. 11). Harvard University. 
• Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The whole-brain child: 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child’s developing mind. Delacorte Press. 
• LeDoux, J. E. (2012). Rethinking the emotional brain. Neuron, 73(4), 653–676. 
• Kerns, C. M., Kendall, P. C., Zickgraf, H., Franklin, M. E., Miller, J., & Herrington, J. (2015). Not to be overshadowed or overlooked: Functional impairments associated with comorbid anxiety disorders in youth with ASD. Behaviour Therapy, 46(1), 29–39. 
• Bogdashina, O. (2016). Sensory perceptual issues in autism and Asperger syndrome:  Different sensory experiences—Different perceptual worlds (2nd ed.). Jessica Kingsley  Publishers.