In several families, one particular child gets unconsciously elevated, labelled as “special,” “perfect,” or “the successful one.” This condition, as an example, has been referred to as Golden Child Syndrome. While this phrase does not have an official clinical diagnosis, it is commonly used by psychologists and family therapists to describe the family dynamic in which one child receives more validation, praise, approval or expectation than other children (Miller, 1997).
At first glance, a “golden child” would appear to be at a positive advantage. As a result of this, these types of children will have many people admire them due to their accomplishments, obedience, intelligence, or talents. However, underneath that admiration lies the pressure of always having to reach unrealistically high standards, which has been shown to ultimately cause anxiety, perfectionism, a confused sense of identity and emotional distress later on in life (Brummelman et al., 2015).
Golden Child Syndrome is an important issue for parents to understand since it is highly associated with childhood experiences and parenting style. A child’s self-concept and attitude toward others may be significantly influenced when they grow up in a family where conditional love from parents, sibling rivalry, and unmet expectations are prevalent (Bowen, 1978). Although parents may not be responsible for the circumstances by which a child develops problems, they will ultimately influence their psychological well-being. Parents can create a more supportive emotional environment for their children by understanding the triggers, symptoms and ways to intervene with Golden Child Syndrome.
Read More: The Evolution of Parenting Styles: A Deeper Look
Understanding Golden Child Syndrome
Golden Child Syndrome describes a scenario in which one child is thought of as perfect or without fault in regard to their role in the family. This child may have been seen as fulfilling the parent’s dreams, ambitions or emotional needs that were not satisfied or validated (Miller, 1997). Due to this perception, the child who is being idealised often receives excessive amounts of attention, praise, or privileges compared to his or her siblings. At times (e.g., when families are dysfunctional), parents will also unconsciously give out rigid roles to family members (e.g., the “golden child,” “scapegoat,” “problem child,” etc.) (Forward, 1989).
This extremely negative dynamic is typically experienced when parenting styles have been extremely authoritarian or narcissistic in nature. A parent with an excessive drive for accomplishment, social standing, or perfection will often have a high amount of pressure being placed on them as a child (Kets de Vries, 2005). Hence, the child grows to understand that their parents’ approval of them as a child will be given based on their performance rather than being loved unconditionally by their parents.
Childhood experience is vital to the formation of this syndrome during the early development of children, as this is when children have a strong need to look to their parents for validation in regard to who they are and their value as individuals (Erikson, 1968). If children receive love and affection only when they do well, are compliant and/or perfect, they will then suppress their true feelings to maintain that love and affection. As a result, they may lose the ability to recognise their own needs, fears or desires because they have spent their whole life pursuing and living up to expectations outside of them (Winnicott, 1965).
Signs and Psychological Impact
Golden children tend to be perfectionists, and this is an obvious sign of the Golden Child Syndrome. They feel great pressure to perform at a high level across all areas of life (i.e. with academics, relationships, or careers) out of fear of losing approval when they do not succeed (Curran & Hill, 2019). Golden children are often very critical of themselves and will struggle to accept mistakes that they have made.
Another characteristic of Golden Children is that they have a difficult time forming their own sense of identity. The Golden Child often receives praise from their parents when they conform to parental expectations. As a result, many Golden Children create their own identity based on what others want from them, rather than who they really are. As adults, Golden Children may feel lost or question what their goals and values are.
Anxiety and feeling suppressed can be associated with having a “Golden Child” childhood experience. As they grow up, they will have learned to keep their sadness, anger or vulnerability hidden from others because these negative feelings are perceived to be a sign of weakness or failure (Miller, 1997). Continually suppressing their emotions can cause stress, burnout, depression, and a lack of self-esteem in adulthood.
These effects can persist even into adulthood and affect their professional lives. Workaholic tendencies, difficulty setting boundaries, and feelings of guilt for putting their own emotional needs first can all be consequences of having been raised as a golden child. Another effect could be feeling like an imposter despite many accomplishments (Curran & Hill, 2019).
Read More: How Childhood Praise Affects Adult Confidence
Connection to Family Dynamics and Childhood Experiences
The Family System Theory explains that each family member often assumes a specific role, and each person within that family dynamic attempts to keep the emotional balance of the family unit intact (Bowen, 1978). In unhealthy family systems, the golden child will often be given responsibility for maintaining the family’s reputation and/or emotional well-being. This can happen when parents project their own personal aspirations upon the golden child, and expect the golden child to achieve in a manner that the parent was unable to do so.
Another significant contributor to this issue is Conditional Parenting. Research has found that children who are given love/affection primarily based on either their successful performance, or on their willingness to obey their parents as they grow up, typically end up developing Contingent Self-Esteem, which is to say they base their sense of worth almost entirely on their success or luck (Assor et al., 2004). This will create an atmosphere of constant pressure and fear of failure.
There may be cultural, social, and external pressures that contribute to the mechanism of Golden Child Syndrome. For example, there is much emphasis on academic success and social success in competitive cultures, so many children feel they have to be exceptionally high performing, especially if they are expected by their family to have a good reputation or to be compared with other children (Assor et al., 2004).
Most importantly, not every child who is successful or praised experiences this syndrome. Healthy support turns unhealthy when children only feel valued or loved for their achievements, not for themselves as a person.
Read More: How Childhood Experiences Affect Mental Health
Interventions and Prevention
Parents and caregivers must promote balanced, emotionally based parenting to prevent children from developing Golden Child Syndrome. Parents and caregivers should provide unconditional positive regard to support healthy development. According to Carl Rogers, children actually thrive because they know they are accepted regardless of success or failure (Rogers, 1951).
Parents and caregivers should allow children to share their emotions freely. Parents and caregivers should create an environment where children can talk about their fears, disappointments, or failures without facing judgment. This enables the children to become emotionally intelligent and free from the pressure of being flawless.
Family therapy can also help when families establish unhealthy patterns. Many different patterns of favouritism can are many different patterns of favouritism that can occur in families, and a therapist can help the family to communicate better with one another and establish healthy emotional boundaries for each family member (Minuchin, 1974). Individual therapy can help adults affected by Golden Child Syndrome rebuild their self-esteem. It establishes who they are as an individual, and helps them learn to be able to show self-compassion toward themselves.
Conclusion
Children with Golden Child Syndrome (GCS) have been given exaggerated recognition or an extraordinary amount of praise for their accomplishments as children. Many times, we see these individuals as being successful, talented and admired. However, they also hide their true selves because they have feelings of inadequacy (Jensen et al.,2013).
They are also dealing with the challenge of living up to an unrealistic expectation because of high levels of anxiety, perfectionism, and the fear of failure, as well as a great deal of confusion regarding who they really are (Winnicott, 1965). The GCS has its roots in early childhood experiences, family relationships and parenting styles that associate love/approval with performance or success.
References +
Assor, A., Roth, G., & Deci, E. L. (2004). The emotional costs of parents’ conditional regard. Journal of Personality, 72(1), 47–88.
Bowen, M. (1978). Family therapy in clinical practice. Jason Aronson.
Brummelman, E., Thomaes, S., Nelemans, S. A., Orobio de Castro, B., Overbeek, G., & Bushman, B. J. (2015). Origins of narcissism in children. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 112(12), 3659–3662.
Curran, T., & Hill, A. P. (2019). Perfectionism is increasing over time. Psychological Bulletin, 145(4), 410–429.
Erikson, E. H. (1968). Identity: Youth and crisis. Norton.
Forward, S. (1989). Toxic parents. Bantam Books.
Jensen, A. C., McHale, S. M., & Pond, A. M. (2013). Sibling relationship quality and parental differential treatment. Family Relations, 62(3), 469–481.
Kets de Vries, M. F. R. (2005). The dangers of feeling like a fake. Harvard Business Review, 83(9), 108–116.
Miller, A. (1997). The drama of the gifted child. Basic Books.
Minuchin, S. (1974). Families and family therapy. Harvard University Press.
Rogers, C. R. (1951). Client-centred therapy. Houghton Mifflin.
Winnicott, D. W. (1965). The maturational processes and the facilitating environment. International Universities Press.
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