Psychology behind Validation: Why Feeling Heard Can Heal

Remember the Cast Away movie? Tom Hanks’ character was left alone on the island, and he named a volleyball Wilson, brought him alive, and formed a deep connection. For what? Then, to survive! Yes, this is not just a fictional story, but it showcases that being with someone is also a basic need. It reflects our need to connect, to be heard. We all have gone through those gloomy days, when we feel extra emotional, and want someone to talk to and cuddle. You are hoping that your dear ones will just listen to you. But, instead, you will hear: 

“You are overthinking.” 

“You’re stretching things out.” 

“You have to learn to be thick-skinned.” 

And something like that makes you feel unheard. You might get hurt that no one understands you, which might shut you down from the inside. Now, imagine someone responds to you in a more validated way, the person looks at you empathetically, and says: “That sounds hard. I can see why you feel that way.” 

At that moment, all heaviness fades away, while taking a breath of stress-free air. You don’t feel alone anymore. You realise that at last someone sees you. This is how validation has healing power. In the next segment, we will explore what validation is. And why it is so important for our mental health, and how it heals our scars. 

What is Emotional Validation? 

Emotional validation is reflecting on others’ emotions through various ways, like accepting and recognising. It does not mean blindly agreeing to everything they say or giving compliments. Validation is neither advising nor convincing; rather, one needs to understand why another person feels that way while considering their present circumstances (Galen, G). 

Dr. Marsha Linehan, the developer of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), emphasises that other feelings make sense. Hearing a person, seeing their every action, and sensing their present emotions is what is involved in the levels of validation that lead us to tell a person, “Your perspective isn’t invalid.” “You can be sensitive.”, “You are not crazy.” (Linehan, Marsha, 1997). Validation reconnects humans together, regardless of their caste, roles, ages, or genders. It creates a neutral environment where no one is judged. It boosts trust in an emotionally safe space.

The Psychology behind our Cravings for Validation 

Through the years, human beings have always strived to make connections with other fellow humans, and it begins in infancy, when our mother holds us with love and care. That tender touch communicates safety and affection, marking the beginning of early emotional mirroring. In response, the baby coos, seeking warmth and closeness. These vocalised needs develop a sense of self in babies. It’s in these moments that the feeling of being with someone—truly seen and felt—begins to take root. 

Darwin’s theory of natural selection suggests that our survival has always depended on forming bonds and staying connected with others. 

Unconditional positive regard speaks volumes when in-person-centred therapy treats a client with an empathetic stance. According to Carl Rogers, unconditional positive regard helps to upgrade mental well-being, which involves acceptance and genuine validation of clients. When our point of view is rejected, self-doubt, anxiety, low self-esteem, and suppression of emotions may arise from that moment, but instead one’s thoughts being accepted, we may rise high. 

Modern neuroscience supports what your heart feels, as seen in brain activities. Validation is associated with a biological reward system. A seminal fMRI study by Morelli et al. (2014) highlighted that when people feel understood, their brains activate in the same regions lit up by rewards and social connection. These include the ventral striatum and middle insula—areas linked to pleasure and social bonding. Contrarily, when people feel misunderstood, the anterior insula gets activated, the same region related to negative emotions and thinking about others. 

Silenced! 

When you hear “Don’t cry, you are fine,” “Instead of bragging, you should work on a solution,” these words leave a lasting impact on our minds. It is when you feel unheard, and your feelings get invalidated, even when they are being said with good intentions. This emotional invalidation damages your mental well-being. And next time, you don’t recognise your moments of self-care and emotional concerns that matter. 

Psychological ground research says that while going through the stages of development, people with borderline personality disorder might not get sufficient parenting or validation, and that leads to the symptom of emotional dysregulation. It can lead to other difficulties such as invalidating one’s inner experiences, emotional outbursts, confusion, and distorted self-image (Dixon-Gordon, K. L., et al. 2017). Linehan also identifies emotional invalidation as a key environmental factor in the development of borderline personality disorder (Linehan, M. M., 1993). 

Validation in Relationships

Let’s consider that you open up to your partner about the concern over a lack of intimacy, and that makes her feel left out in the cold. And if a partner responds carelessly like “I am busy, you are acting way more emotional,” it can shut down the partner’s voice. But, if the partner says, “I can understand this feeling, I am busy lately at work, we both will find the way out.” This kind of talk cherishes relationships when validation is entered into the dialogue. It can give a chance to convert an argument into opportunities for a deeper connection, intimacy. 

According to Drs. John and Julie Gottman, well-known relationship researchers, emotionally validated relationships charged up to take the relationship a long and sustainable way. Couples who follow this are less likely to fall into the negative trap of conflicts, criticism (Benson, 2017). In families, the parent-teenager bond is a sensitive phase of life because of the generational gap and lack of practice of validation. Both are sticking to their guns. Teens often feel misunderstood, while parents jump to judgments, commands, and it creates a gap between them. But both need to sit together and listen to each other’s perceptions. 

Validation in Therapy: Yes, it heals. 

In therapeutic settings, validation can work like a key to build a relationship with the client. Validating clients can do justice to humanity. It can ease out shame, awkwardness. Therapists or anyone in a helping profession should consider this way of healing, so anyone who is suffering and feeling alone will get emotional support. DBT, person-centred therapy, or trauma-informed care practices the pattern of validation. 

Self-Validation 

Internal validation can be a magic wand. We always try to be independent, but in the matter of our emotional need, we make others’ validation a drug, it’s like nothing will get sorted if you don’t get it. The world out there is ruthless, so being your support can be mindful. It’s the skill to accept your own emotions without judging, feeling small. 

Acquired it, guys: 

• “It’s alright, I am feeling low right now, I will prioritise my feelings first.”
• “My emotions are valid enough.” 
• “I can express my feelings.” 

A quick guide: 

You can be that Superhuman who listens to others before passing judgment. 

• Pay attention to them. 
• Reflect on their sayings through emotions.
• Make them understand things can happen. 
• Avoid judging or advising. 
• Check on them in the future to see whether they are okay. 

Conclusion 

In today’s chaotic world, someone simply sitting and listening can be a powerful form of healing. Validation does not solve the problem instantly, and it makes you smile. But it offers you safety, support, and a space to calm down. A sense of not being alone is the vital perk of validation. It’s the emotional equivalent of being held. A whisper that says, “You matter. I’m here. I see you.” And sometimes, that’s all a hurting heart needs. 

Whether we extend that gift to someone else or learn to offer it to ourselves, validation has the power to soften the sharp edges of life. It can mend what’s broken, calm what’s anxious, and rebuild what’s been lost in silence or shame. In our families, our friendships, our communities—and within our minds—validation is the gentle thread that can weave connection back into places where it’s been torn. It brings people together, and everyone stands up for each other under the roof of being heard. Remember, if anyone pours out their emotions, then just pause. Listen. Let their pain breathe. And by doing that, you’re offering something no advice ever could: the healing power of being truly heard. 

“Validation helps to bring down emotions and make them more manageable for everyone, not just the person with BPD.” 

Shari Y. Manning

FAQs 

1. What are the benefits of validating feelings? 

It can boost overall confidence, self-esteem, and it can also transform conflicts into a deep bond. Trust can be built through external validation. An empathetic approach in therapy is always beneficial for clients and therapists as well. 

2. How to make someone feel heard and validated? 

Focus on listening carefully and reflecting with genuine emotions. Avoid passing any judgment. Make them feel heard, but do not advise them. In this whole conversation, make eye contact and carry appropriate body language. Some subtle mistakes can give the impression of invalidation, so take care of that.

3. Why is validation important in therapy? 

Validating someone shows that you understand their situation, feelings, and not taking them for granted. It builds trust, which can enhance the therapeutic relationship. It can open the way where the therapist can discuss the solutions on a sensitive topic. So validation can be the foundation of the healing process.