“If Only I was like her!!”: How to Stop the Comparison Cycle
Self Help

“If Only I was like her!!”: How to Stop the Comparison Cycle


Human beings tend to think that others are better than them. They are never happy with what they have or who they are; historically, it’s been a trend. We may or may not agree with this, but deep down, we are all guilty of this act. Aren’t we? This phenomenon of thinking that others have more than you or that they are better than you is called comparison. According to the APA Dictionary of Psychology, “Social Comparison is the idea that people evaluate their abilities and attitudes toward others.” 

The Real Culprit of Comparison

I’m presuming your first thought would be social media. Whether it be Instagram, Facebook, or even Twitter, we all compare how our lives are compared to others’ posting on it. Wondering why people portray only the good side of life and not their struggles and hardships. Unfortunately, people do not think about this side of the story—that everyone is going through a battle too, like you. They do not show the ugly side but choose to show the good and happy side of their lives. Agree?  

Yet we all see people flaunting themselves, their beauty, or how happy they are as compared to you. “I wish I were pretty like her, or I wish I got the chance to party so much like them.” Relateable? Worry not; this guide will help you get started on getting out of the comparison cycle.  

Focus on solutions? Shall we?

Identification of Triggers  

Whenever you feel like you are comparing yourself to others, make a list of things that make you sad or bad about yourself. Think of people who bring you down, or even if a friend of yours is bragging about his or her accomplishments. You will see that once you are aware of these situations, you will consciously avoid comparison. 

Read More: A Nuance Look At Social Media and Self-Perception

Limiting your time with Social Media

Maybe it’s time to think about who you are rather than relying on external forces to define your worth. Try unfollowing accounts that make you feel the need to compare. Social media helps us keep up to date, of course, and stay in touch with our family and friends, but sometimes we do need a mental break. Perhaps you can even switch off your notifications on the app or your phone.

Read More: Affording Therapy: Breaking Down Budget-Friendly Mental Health Options  

Practicing Gratitude 

Sometimes we forget to see our inner strengths and the things we possess. Remind yourself now and then that you also have some things that the other individual would not have. Being grateful would give you peace of mind and happiness. Say to yourself, I have enough. I have things that the other person does not possess. 

Read More: Gratitude and its Impact on Mental Health

Comparisons can be a bane for the mind, but we can also use them in the positive sense. It is natural to feel envious of the other person. Jealousy is also an emotion, but how about we keep it healthy? It all comes along with a shift in your mindset. What is this comparison trying to teach me? She may have more knowledge than me; however, I can learn from her as to how she has that much knowledge and what she does to gain that information. Keeping an open mind would help you feel empathy and lead you to be a better person. 

Celebrating Other’s Wins

It is amazing to support and love yourself; however, alongside this, it is integral to also encourage other people to be with you. They also have struggles, just like you. Cheering for them and showing appreciation for the hard work they do would automatically make you stop the comparison.

Compare yourself with your older self

An individual keeps evolving and growing. You do change over time. Once you sit down and think about how you were some years ago and now how you are, you will surely feel proud of yourself. If you continue to focus on how you can change more, you will start competing with yourself and stop thinking about how the other person is. 

Don’t be hard on yourself

Being kind and gentle with yourself would make you feel better. You are, after all, just a human being, and it is okay to not be like someone else. It is okay to not be perfect; you do not have to be. Take it bit by bit to reach your goal. Focus on Gradual Progress and Celebrate Little Things.    

Engage in realistic thinking 

We often keep the benchmark too high for ourselves. Remember, the other individual also went through several struggles to reach where they are. Idealistic thinking would only lead to immense self-pressure and unhappiness. Focus on what can be achieved rather than impossible situations.  

Taking Control over Your Life 

This is your life, not anybody else’s to lead. Be your leader and decision-maker. You are smart enough to decide what is best for you ultimately. This comes from believing in yourself that you are capable of doing well in life and have the strengths in you to accomplish that goal. These are just some of the pointers that you can follow to stop comparison. You do have wings; you just need to find them and fly. Comparison will merely lead to your downfall and low self-esteem.

Remember, it is normal to have insecurities; everybody has them. It is all about how you face and overcome those insecurities. Even the most confident people have insecurities. Just focus on your journey. Everybody’s journey is different. Your life is in your hands; go ahead and believe in yourself. Last but not least, there is a very inspiring quote that may lift your spirits. “Today you are you; that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is younger than you.” – Dr. Seuss.

References +
  • https://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Comparing-Yourself-to-Others
  • https://www.betterup.com/blog/comparing-yourself-to-others

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