How Internalized Misogyny Shapes a Daughter’s Psychological Well-Being

Young girl studies her mother before she goes into unknown world. A mother is her daughter’s first experience of what it means to be a woman, speak up for herself, and take up space in the world. However, what happens if the first person who shapes a girl’s self-perception is also plagued by societal prejudices, unconscious fears, and frustrations?

When a woman internalizes and repeats the restrictive stereotypes of society on herself and expects others to do the same, this is known as internalized misogyny. It refers to subtle prejudice that has been present since childhood and manifests itself in the frequent criticism of women’s appearance, behavior, and self-expression. Mothers who have these unresolved beliefs frequently verbalize them to their daughters in the name of “protecting” their daughters or offering elder advice.

By doing this, they unintentionally undermine their daughter’s confidence and sense of self. The daughter eventually absorbs the idea that she must behave in a way that pleases other people rather than standing up for her own needs. The daughter’s self-image is distorted by this dynamic, which also strains the mother-daughter relationship. As a result, the daughter is forced to choose between pursuing independence and trying to please her mother.

1. Hyper-Self-Surveillance and Objectification

A mother who swallows up misogyny will teach her daughter to internalize misogyny by criticizing her appearance. Such parents believe that they have the right to judge their daughter based on such criteria as the beauty, weight, clothes, attitude, and the degree of compliance with the expectations of society. However, such an attitude teaches girls that their bodies are shameful and should be hidden. The way a daughter sees her body largely depends on the attitude of her mother. Instead of teaching girls to accept themselves, mothers often force them to be concerned with how they look in the other’s perception.

Researchers have even given this concept a scientific name Objectification Theory (Fredrickson & Roberts, 1997). Thus, people who are extreme concerned about their appearance tend to treat themselves as objects. By constantly viewing their bodies from an outsider’s point of view, people become deprived of the spiritual connection that should be between a person and their body. A negative body image can manifest itself in two forms:

• The Internal Inspector: The daughter is always watching herself to fulfill her mother’s expectations. Even when she is alone, she cannot help herself and makes adjustments so that nothing will offend her mother.
•  Loss of self security : The daughter cannot find ease in her body; she views her body as something foreign that she must “correct.”

The daughter experiences anxiety and low self-confidence as a result of this tension. Daughters who are always being inspected by their mothers learn to regard their natural instincts, attractiveness, and behavior as inappropriate or excessive.

2. The Burden of “Good Girl” Conditioning and Emotional Suppression

In many families, sons are free to have some rebellious character, while daughters learn to be good girls which basically means to be compliant. If a daughter shows any signs of anger or defending herself, her mother will teach her to be more obedient and gentle. The mother is usually controlled by the idea that a woman should not be rude or aggressive as she would not be accepted in society, so she tends to make her daughter follow those rules. Forcing a daughter to hide her feelings and obey others can cause multiple problems:

•  Suppressing anger can lead to a lack of self-confidence and the inability to defend one’s position
•  A daughter will become a “good girl” who is used to putting other people’s interests before her own
• In her adult life, she will have difficulties saying “no” to other people, establishing boundaries

A daughter who was forced to be nice and obedient since early childhood will have repressed anger and grudges. However, she will not know how to express it as it is not acceptable in society to show aggression or stand up for herself. Her anger will turn into disappointment in herself and she will start thinking that being rude or aggressive is bad, so she will always try to be a “good girl”. This will lead to developing an inferiority complex and the inability to defend herself.

Also, the daughter will put other people’s interests before her own as she has learned since early childhood that people around her feel comfortable only when they are able to control others. Therefore, when growing up, she will be constantly willing to give up on something to make other people happy. That will lead to difficulties in her professional life as she will not be able to say “no” to her employer or clients and will always try to please them instead of following her own path.

3. Attachment Wounds and Internalized Guilt

When a mother’s love is invested in her daughter’s obedience and home is experienced as a conditional safe haven, the primary function of home breaks down. According to Bowlby’s (1969) and Ainsworth’s (1978) Attachment Theory, children crave a predictable, reliable presence of a caregiver offering a “secure base” of confidence to explore the world from a comforting home to which they can always return , not a judge who grants permission to stay based on actions and attitudes.

This stands in direct conflict with the concept of Unconditional Positive Regard, a child’s basic psychological requirement to experience being loved and accepted for who they are independently of their behaviors, proposed by Psychologist Carl Rogers (1957). To base affection, attention, and even care on earned compliance , the daughter grows up believing she needs to earn love and approval, this leads to :

• Walking on Eggshells: A daughter, who feels that her love is conditional, is always walking on eggshells. According to the study on adult attachment, she might have become anxious about her relationships and learned to keep her emotions tied up to avoid rejections or disapprovals (Hazan & Shaver, 1987).
• Internalized Guilt: A daughter raised by such a person has learned to internalize criticism and has accepted that her desires are wrong. She also has a sense of guilt and an inability to accept comfort, kindness, and support from others because she thinks that it is undeserved.
• The Price of Success: If a daughter decides to pursue her own desires, goals, or ambitions, her mother will feel threatened or attacked. The daughter always feels that her success is achieved by betrayal because she is raised thinking that everything she does is by the will of her mother and family. Thus, the daughter views her achievements as their achievements and believes that she betrays them by achieving something on her own.

4. Breaking the Cycle: Practical Takeaways and Paths to Healing

Unlearning What You Were Taught About Is Hard, But Healing Starts When a Daughter Recognizes That Her Mother Was Taught and Hurt by the Same Social Pressures. Here Are Some Ways a Daughter Can Move Forward: Four Strategies for a Daughter to Cope With Her Mother’s Wounds and Judgments:

• Letting go of justification: The daughter should realize that her mother only saw what she desired for herself and used the daughter to fulfill her needs. A woman should understand that her mother’s expectations are not a measure of her worth but the manifestation of the parent’s fears, so she should let go and move on with her life.
• Stopping the ‘internal inspector’: The daughter should train her mind to differentiate between what the mother says and her reality. It is helpful to acknowledge the internal inspector and accept that her thoughts are not always right, so she should strive to develop a set of values and judge her actions accordingly.
• Setting boundaries and not explaining: A person should stop allowing other people to control them. For instance, daughters should establish boundaries in regard to their bodies, jobs, lovers, and marriage. It is necessary to prevent the parent from crossing these boundaries and stop explaining everything to them.
• Learning to accept and support: People should build a coalition of caring friends because it is unhealthy to rely on a single person. Moreover, a daughter should consider acceptance commitment therapy to learn to tolerate her emotions and achieve psychological flexibility so she could truly value her accomplishments and move on.

References +

• Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
• Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Attachment. Basic Books.
• Cherry, K. (2023a, February 22). What is attachment theory? Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-attachment-theory-2795337
• Cherry, K. (2023b, November 14). What is unconditional positive regard? Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-unconditional-positive-regard-2796005
• Courtis, M. (2023, November 7). Attachment theory in psychology: How attachment styles form. PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/attachment-theory/
• Fredrickson, B. L., & Roberts, T.-A. (1997). Objectification theory: Toward understanding women’s lived experiences and mental health risks. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 21(2), 173–206. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1471-6402.1997.tb00108.x
• Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(3), 511–524. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.52.3.511
• Rogers, C. R. (1957). The necessary and sufficient conditions of therapeutic personality change. Journal of Consulting Psychology, 21(2), 95–103. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0045357
• Szymanski, D. M., Gupta, A., & Carr, E. R. (2011). Internalized misogyny as a mediator of the link between sexist events and psychological distress for women. Sex Roles, 64(7–8), 448–460. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-011-9933-6