Grief is the natural reaction to the loss, yet, regarding the case of children, it is not well understood. Most adults tend to assume that children fail to grasp the concept of loss or that they heal fast. As a matter of fact, children grieve deeply, yet they tend to express their emotions in a manner different to adults. They can be emotional either suddenly, silently or even behaviorally.
Psychology shows that the grief in children depends on their emotional maturity, surroundings and the supporting system. Loss may impact their feeling of security, routine and confidence in the world. Grief is unacknowledged and unsupported, which leads to emotional and behavioural problems. The initial step towards assisting the children to heal involves understanding how they demonstrate grief (Worden, 1996; Dyregrov, 2008).
What grief means for a child
Grief is never a one-dimensional emotion for a child. It is a combination of sadness, confusion, fear and at times anger. Children are not yet adults, and they might fail to express themselves using what they have to say. Their identification of loss is age, emotional maturity and past experiences. The younger children might not learn that loss is forever, and the older children may have problems with a more emotional sense (Christ, 2000).
Kids tend to deal with the loss in a brief burst. One moment they may seem good, and the next they may seem devastated. This does not imply that they are not mourning. It is like their minds being relieved of strong emotions. Psychology shows that the pattern assists children in managing the overwhelming feelings (Worden, 1996).
Children’s grief is directly associated with their state of security. In the event of a loss, their world can be uncovered as unsafe. Old habits might have changed, and trusted adults may also be grieving. This may contribute to anxiety and emotional distress, not to mention that children cannot be given straightforward explanations and reassurance (APA, n.d.).
Read More: How Age Shapes a Child’s Understanding of Death and Grief
How children express grief
There are many ways in which children, and not all of them include crying or sadness. Emotional expressions can be fear, irritability, guilt or emotional numbness. Other children feel that they are the reason why it is lost or are in fear of further losses. Such sentiments are not necessarily verbal (Dyregrov, 2008). Grief is also manifested by behaviour. Other children become shy and reserved, and others end up being angry, violent or rebellious. It is a normal regression, in which the children revert to previous patterns like bedwetting or clinginess.
They are not signs of misbehaviour but need to be viewed as a sign of emotional distress (Kaplow et al., 2010). Physical symptoms, too, can occur. There can be headaches, stomachaches, sleeping problems, and appetite problems. Since most of the children use their bodies to communicate their emotions, the signs should not be ignored. Becoming aware of such expressions makes adults react with affection instead of discipline (Child Mind Institute, n.d.).
Factors that shape a child’s grief
A child’s age plays a major role in how grief is experienced. Young children may not fully understand the meaning of loss, but still feel its emotional impact. School-aged children begin to understand permanence but may struggle with complex emotions. Adolescents may experience grief more like adults but with less emotional regulation (Christ, 2000).
The relationship with the person who died also shapes grief. Loss of a parent, sibling, or primary caregiver often has a stronger emotional impact. The closeness of the bond affects how deeply the child feels the loss. Sudden or unexpected loss can also increase emotional distress (Worden, 1996).
Family environment is another key factor. Children who receive emotional support, honest communication, and stability cope better with grief. When adults avoid talking about loss or hide emotions completely, children may feel confused or isolated. A supportive environment helps children feel safe enough to express their grief (NASP, n.d.).
Read More: Coping with Grief and Loss: A Guide for Young Adults
Common myths about grief in children’s
A popular myth is that children are too young to grieve. As a matter of fact, children of any age experience loss. Infants have the capacity to feel the shift in people and habits. Disregarding the grief of a child may lead to the impossibility to heal him or her and the development of further emotional issues (Dyregrov, 2008).
The other myth is that discussing loss will only worsen the feelings of children. Research shows the opposite. Open and frank conversations in age-related ways can make the children aware of what occurred and overcome fear. Silence may enhance confusion and anxiety (APA, n.d.). According to some adults, children should not be shown strong emotions. On the one hand, it is necessary to create a sense of stability, but the expression of proper emotion teaches children that emotions are not bad. Coping and emotional honesty are a healthy expression (Worden, 1996).
Role of adults in supporting children’s
Adults play a crucial role in assisting children to come to grief terms. Emotional safety is offered by presence and consistency, by caregivers, teachers, and even counsellors. Basic comfort, Routine, and patience make children feel safe during a rough period of their lives (HealthyChildren.org, n.d.).
It is very important to communicate honestly. Children should be given straightforward explanations within their level of development. No complex words and question-asking encourage the reader to get lost. Trust is built by avoiding scary details and telling the truth (NIMH, n.d.).
It is also critical to listen. Children are not to be pushed into talking, yet they should realise that they are free to show emotions. Grieving should be allowed to manifest itself in playing, drawing, or silent contemplation as it honours the natural process of coping in the child (NASP, n.d.).
Effective counselling approach for grieving children
Grieving children need to receive counseling which should be developmentally appropriate. The most effective way of working with young children is play therapy. Children also reveal their feelings that they cannot express yet through play. Through play, it is a safe way of releasing emotions and comprehension (Worden, 1996).
Storytelling and art are also potent instruments. Drawing, painting and writing expose children to exploration of feelings in a non-threatening manner. Narratives enable children to transfer feelings to characters, and grief is therefore easier to cope with (Dyregrov, 2008).
In the case of older children, cognitive behavioural therapy with trauma-focus can be effective in a structured manner. This will assist in emotional regulation, coping and emotional awareness. The studies indicate that evidence-based counselling can be beneficial in the reduction of long-term emotional challenges and the healthy functioning of the adjustment (Cohen et al., 2017).
Conclusion
Depending on the age, development, and support system, children grieve differently. Their mourning can be in terms of behaviour, feelings or physical aspects instead of talking. Adults who are able to interpret such phrases can more readily react with patience and compassion. The first step is to understand that children are grieving differently, and that is why it is important to make them feel safe and supported.
A healing process can be achieved when children have room to be emotional and get candid and age-appropriate guidance. Caregivers, teachers, and counsellors can assist children in overcoming their loss without the feeling of loneliness. Children who are taken care of, feel understood and are approached with effective strategies of counselling can adjust to loss and further their emotional development with strength and optimism.
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