Human relationships are bound to have arguments. Conflicts can cause emotional reactions that last for hours, days, or even weeks, whether they take place in friendships, romantic relationships, or in the workplace. But not everyone carries resentment. Some people seem to bounce back from arguments surprisingly easily; they seem to calm down fast, re-engage without tension, and leave little emotional scars. We can refer to this capacity to “bounce back” following conflict as the rebound effect.
The psychological processes that underlie why some people quickly move on from disagreements are examined in this article. We analyse the role that self-control, emotional regulation, forgiveness, and emotional security play in promoting quicker emotional recovery, drawing on recent research. Knowing these processes provides useful techniques for enhancing emotional resilience in addition to understanding individual differences.
Emotional Forgiveness vs Decisional Forgiveness
The ability to forgive, though not all forgiveness is the same, is a crucial component of the rebound effect. Researchers distinguish between two types of forgiveness: emotional forgiveness, which entails actually reducing negative feelings towards the offender, and decisional forgiveness, which is the cognitive decision to forgive someone.
According to Noreen (2021), emotional forgiveness is more important in assisting people in overcoming conflict. Participants in her study who practised emotional forgiveness reported feeling more emotionally detached from the incident and remembered fewer negative details about a previous offence. Faster psychological closure was made possible by this distancing effect. Real emotional effect and behavioural change are facilitated by emotional forgiveness, even though decisional forgiveness may aid in establishing the intention to forgive. (Noreen, 2021) To put it briefly, those who recover quickly are more likely to experience forgiveness than merely think it.
Read More: How to deal with a Conflict?
The Role of Emotional Security and Reactivity
Beyond forgiveness, some people appear to be inherently less impacted by conflict. Even though they are emotionally disturbed, they do not allow it to compromise their stability in relationships or sense of self. Emotional security is frequently linked to this attribute.
A model analysing the connection between emotional reactivity, emotional security, happiness, and forgiveness was presented in a study by Ercengiz, Altuntaş, and Ergin (2022). According to their research, more forgiving people also tend to be less emotionally reactive and report feeling happier and more emotionally secure. Conflicts were less likely to be interpreted by these people as personal assaults or relationship dangers. They might therefore be able to emotionally distance themselves from the dispute and revert to their normal state of mind more rapidly.
This implies that people are protected from protracted distress following conflict by emotional resilience, especially emotional security. Secure people are able to put disagreements in context and move on rather than dwelling on what went wrong.
Emotional Regulation and Reappraisal
The capacity to control emotions is another essential component of a speedy conflict recovery. Modifying one’s emotional reactions, particularly during stressful or upsetting situations, is known as emotion regulation. Cognitive reappraisal, or reinterpreting a situation to alter its emotional impact, is one of the best techniques for controlling emotions. Ho, Van Tongeren, Davis, Hook, and DeBlaere (2020) investigated the connection between self-control, emotion regulation, and forgiveness.
They discovered that people who were better at controlling their emotions were more likely to forgive others and get over past relationship wounds. By using reappraisal techniques, these people were able to change their perception of the offence from one of a profound betrayal to one of a misunderstanding, a stressful moment, or a teaching opportunity. This change in perspective promoted reconciliation and lessened the intensity of emotions.
By ending the cycle of reactivity and rumination, the capacity to reevaluate conflict promotes quicker emotional recovery. It makes it easier for people to let go of pent-up anger or resentment by allowing them to reframe unpleasant interactions without downplaying their emotions.
Self-Control as a Moderator of Forgiveness
Self-control, or the ability to suppress impulses and control behaviour in line with long-term objectives, is closely related to emotion regulation. This, in conflict situations, enables people to think things through before acting, fight the impulse to strike back, and select solutions that promote peacemaking rather than escalation. According to Liu, Liu, and Wang (2020), interpersonal forgiveness is significantly influenced by self-control. After a disagreement, prosocial behaviour, such as forgiving the offender and mending the relationship, was more likely to be displayed by participants who had strong self-control. On the other hand, a lack of self-control was associated with more animosity and less forgiveness.
According to this study, it’s frequently necessary to fight the urge to punish, argue further, or emotionally distance oneself in order to move past disagreements. Those who can control their immediate reactions in favour of longer-term relational harmony are typically the ones who recover quickly.
Why do some People Struggle to Move on?
Examining the reasons why some people become “stuck” following arguments is also necessary to comprehend the rebound effect. People who have low self-control, poor emotion regulation, or high emotional reactivity may find it difficult to emotionally distance themselves from the conflict. In order to maintain their anger or sadness, they might also ruminate playing the argument over and over in their minds.
Furthermore, people who only use decisional forgiveness might tell themselves to “move on” without truly addressing their emotional discomfort. Without emotional forgiveness, people may still experience distress even after they have made the decision to forgive, as Noreen (2021) points out. Low emotional security or insecure attachment may make recovery more difficult. The stakes feel higher, and emotional recovery is more challenging when people perceive conflict as a threat to their relationship or self-worth. (Ercengiz et al., 2022)
Conclusion
Not because they are less concerned, but because they have acquired psychological skills that enable them to handle conflict amicably, some people seem to bounce back from arguments with ease. Emotional forgiveness, self-control, emotion regulation, and emotional security are the foundations of the rebound effect. These abilities help people deal with conflict without becoming emotionally mired, which speeds up the process of restoring harmony in relationships.
We can develop rapid recovery as a skill set through awareness, introspection, and practice rather than viewing it as a personal characteristic people are born with. We can all improve our ability to move on from disagreements. The emotional upheavals they cause by improving our capacity for forgiveness, rephrasing, and self-control.
Read More: The Role of Introspection in Overcoming Cognitive Biases
FAQs
1. Why do some people recover from arguments faster than others?
Some individuals recover quickly because they possess stronger emotional regulation skills, higher self-control, and are more inclined to engage in emotional forgiveness rather than just decisional forgiveness. These psychological traits help them process conflict more efficiently and move forward with fewer lingering negative emotions.
2. What’s the difference between decisional and emotional forgiveness?
Decisional forgiveness is when someone makes a conscious choice to forgive, while emotional forgiveness involves actually letting go of negative emotions. Emotional forgiveness is more effective in reducing distress and improving relationship outcomes. (Noreen, 2021)
3. Can emotional resilience after conflict be learned or improved?
Yes. Strategies such as practising emotional forgiveness, using cognitive reappraisal techniques, and building self-control can help individuals develop the rebound effect and recover more quickly after conflict. (Ho et al., 2020; Liu et al., 2020)
References +
Ercengiz, M., Altuntaş, H. S., & Ergin, A. (2022). A hypothetical model for examining the relationship among happiness, forgiveness, emotional reactivity, and emotional security. Frontiers in Psychology, 13, 8960667. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.8960667
Ho, M. Y., Van Tongeren, D. R., Davis, D. E., Hook, J. N., & DeBlaere, C. (2020). Forgiveness, emotion regulation, and self-regulatory strength. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, 1084. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.01084
Liu, H., Liu, J., & Wang, Z. (2020). Self-control modulates the behavioural response of interpersonal forgiveness. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, 7118213. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.00249
Noreen, S. (2021). The effects of emotional and decisional forgiveness on psychological distance and memory. University of Stirling. https://dspace.stir.ac.uk/handle/1893/32961
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