In Indian and broadly Asian families, the image of an “ideal son” or “ideal child” develops early on. It can be considered a blend of academic excellence, professional success, filial obedience, and future leadership. Children, particularly sons, learn over time that meeting these standards preserves the honour of the family, and failing to do so would mean risking shame for everyone. Such expectations may aim to motivate, but often create prolonged pressure that endangers mental health.
How Expectations Become Internalised
The process of internalisation involves both cultural and interpersonal dynamics. In most Indian and Asian families, being the ideal son is not just being the high-achieving academic; it involves taking on many more roles. Duties of a son, fiancé, husband, family breadwinner, family entrepreneur, among others, seem to be the unspoken standard.
When individuals feel they are falling short of these rigid expectations, they experience feelings of guilt, shame and inadequacy. These overwhelming feelings can lead to people experiencing symptoms of depressive disorders and anxiety (suicidal ideation in extreme cases) sooner than usual. Authoritarian parenting styles reinforce idealistic expectations, further fan the flames of these symptoms, leading to crises marked by confusion and paralysis when faced with the guilt of unmet responsibilities.
Family dynamics that are imbalanced and assert unequal gender roles on different members of the family; the sons are burdened with responsibilities that often do not reflect their interests or developmental stage, while the daughters are emotional caretakers and tasked with more domestic labour. Hence, the cumulative effect of internalised family expectations manifests in maladaptive coping strategies (Duara, R., et al.).
Read More: Perfect Parenting Doesn’t Exist And That’s Okay
Acculturative Stress in Immigrant Contexts
People experience acculturative stress when they settle in a place unknown to them that holds different cultural values. For example, in Indian-Americans, especially first or second-generation immigrants, there are heightened levels of acculturative stress as they constantly try to juggle between upholding inherited and collectivist family values and expectations, and individualistic cultural norms of the West.
This cultural collision creates intergenerational tensions and a sense of isolation as individuals struggle to maintain their aspirations while also being true to traditions (Chandra, R.M., et al.). A mismatch between expectations and aspirations also compromises their identity development while heightening the risk of depression and anxiety, aided by isolation (Sharma, N., et al.) (Anderson, E. R., & Mayes, L. C.).
Read More: Permissive Parenting: Its Approach and Impact on Child Development
The Role of Parent-Child Relationships
The impact of internalised expectations is linked to the quality of the parent-child relationship. Research is indicative of the fact that high expectations, which are fairly common, are not the only indicators of negative mental health outcomes. These outcomes can be largely mediated if the families are supportive and balance ambition with empathy.
The impacts of the immense pressure that comes with expectations largely reduce when children can communicate at home without the fear of judgment. In these homes, sons carry on the same towering ambitions, without letting setbacks destroy self-worth (Warikoo, N., et al.). In contrast, families with distant or critical bonds show evidence of poor mental health being strongly linked to the myth of being an ideal son (Yoo, H. C., et al.) (Shih, K. Y., et al.).
Read More: Different Parenting Styles: How it Affects the Development of the Child
Cultural Stigma and Silence
Furthermore, the pervasive cultural stigma toward mental illnesses continues to be omnipresent in Asian communities. Admitting to any kind of distress or weakness leads to feelings of hesitancy, or worse, a stain on family relations and reputation. Hence, children, already tasked with protecting family honour, begin suppressing their symptoms, fearing that they would be dishonouring the family. This intensifies the consequences of poor management of mental health issues (Sharma, N., et al.).
Read More: When Expectations Become Reality: Exploring the Pygmalion Effect
Pathways to Support and Change
It is imperative that clinical intervention, when it happens, targets both the individual as well as family dynamics. Therapeutic approaches,s including psychodynamic therapy, grief counselling, family and group interventions, aim to dismantle internalised structures while facilitating the development of an authentic self that is distinct from imposed familial ideals. It is also important that interventions are gender and culture-sensitive, as that is essential to mitigate the burdens associated with myths surrounding expectation formation (Scaccio, M.).
Other forms of interventions can take place at several levels:
- Family education: Workshops can help parents learn realistic goal-setting and the value of emotional validation. They can learn how important it is not to unrealistically overburden their children with expectations that ultimately lead to chronic distress, and emphasising process over perfection encourages healthier motivation
- School partnerships: Educators can strike the important balance between rigorous coursework and life-skill programs that help manage stress.
- Peer support groups: Sharing stories and experiences with people who are essentially on the same “boat” as yourself helps with recognising healthy coping mechanisms.
- Public awareness campaigns: Normalising conversations around mental health and myths helps to do away with stigma and showcases care-seeking as a responsible step, not a shameful one.
Read More: The Weight of Expectations: How Family Pressure Can Lead to Stress
Conclusion
On the surface level, the expectations a family holds for their children might seem aspirational and a guidebook for teaching discipline, but if families lack healthy communication, it can turn out to be detrimental for the child’s mental health. It is important that a child feels supported at home, school and their community to grow and flourish without stressing themselves to the point of burnout.
FAQ’s
1. What is the “Ideal Son” myth?
It refers to the internalised belief that a son must excel in academics, career, and family duties to uphold family honour, often at the cost of his own mental well-being.
2. How does this myth affect mental health?
Unrealistic expectations can lead to stress, guilt, anxiety, depression, and a constant fear of failure, especially when emotional support is lacking.
3. Why is this issue more prominent in Indian and Asian families?
Cultural values like filial piety and collective family reputation place greater pressure on sons to meet rigid standards of success and obedience.
4. What role does parenting play in this?
Authoritarian parenting that focuses on discipline over emotional connection can increase the negative impact of these internalised expectations.
5. How can families support mental health better?
By encouraging open conversations, valuing effort over perfection, and offering emotional support, families can help sons cope with pressure in healthier ways.
References +
1. Duara, R., Hugh-Jones, S., & Madill, A. (n.d.). Quarterlife crisis in the UK and India: perceived standards and unfulfilled expectations. NSU Works. https://nsuworks.nova.edu/tqr/vol28/iss2/3/
2. Chandra, R.M., et al. (2016). Asian Indians in America: The influence of values and culture on mental health. Asian Journal of Psychiatry, Volume 22 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1876201815002221?via%3Dihub
3. Sharma, N., Shaligram, D., & Yoon, G. H. (2020). Engaging South Asian youth and families: A clinical review. International Journal of Social Psychiatry, 66(6), 584–592. https://doi.org/10.1177/0020764020922881
4. Anderson, E. R., Mayes, L. C. (2010). Race/ethnicity and internalizing disorders in youth: A review. Clinical Psychology Review, Volume 30, Issue 3. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0272735809001895?via%3Dihub
5. Warikoo, N., Chin, M., Zillmer, N., & Luthar, S. (2020). The influence of parent Expectations and Parent‐Child relationships on mental health in Asian American and White American families. Sociological Forum. https://doi.org/10.1111/socf.12583
6. Yoo, H. C., Burrola, K. S., & Steger, M. F. (2010). A preliminary report on a new measure: Internalization of the Model Minority Myth Measure (IM-4) and its psychological correlates among Asian American college students. Journal of Counseling Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0017871
7. Shih, K. Y., Chang, T., & Chen, S. (2019). Impacts of the model minority myth on Asian American Individuals and Families: Social Justice and Critical Race Feminist Perspectives. Journal of Family Theory & Review. https://doi.org/10.1111/jftr.12342
8. Scaccio, M. (2025). Exploring Gender Disappointment: Social Stigma, Underlying Shame, and Grieving an Idealized Family… “Oh well, as long as it’s a healthy baby!” Long Island University https://digitalcommons.liu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1093&context=post_fultext_dis
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