A teenager finishes watching a romantic web series before sleeping, experiencing a highly stylised media script where the couple on screen falls in love within days, becomes emotionally close almost instantly, and somehow solves every problem through passion and dramatic gestures (Coyne et al., 2013). Everything looks exciting, intense, and perfect. Yet critical developmental milestones remain completely unaddressed, as nobody talks about consent, emotional confusion, pressure, boundaries, or responsibility (Tolman & McClelland, 2011).
In today’s generation, young people learn about love, relationships, and sexuality from OTT platforms, social media reels, rom-coms, and influencers(Ward, 2003). Parents and schools are still uneasy discussing these topics at home and in the classroom. Young people stealthily turn to entertainment media as their number one teacher because it has become such a powerful “sexual super peer” (Brown et al., 2005). While these platforms have made discussions around attraction and relationships more open. They also create unrealistic ideas about what healthy love looks like by substituting high-intensity drama for psychological safety (Gruber & Grube, 2000).
This article explores how entertainment media shape people’s understanding of sexuality and relationships. Why real-life connections are often very different from what is shown on screen (Ward, 2003).
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The Speed of On-Screen Relationships
Most young people spend hours daily watching romantic shows or following online couples (Coyne et al., 2013). Even though viewers know these stories are scripted, repeated exposure alters internal relationship scripts and skews how people imagine romance should work (Coyne et al., 2013). Essentially, storylines unfold over a heavily condensed period of time that fail to allow for realistic expectations around sexuality (Ward, 2003).
Television characters will meet someone and instantly feel attracted to them enough to have intense physical/emotional connections within hours/days (Ward, 2003). Healthy human relationships, on the other hand, take much longer to cultivate (Tolman & McClelland, 2011). As humans, we need time to build trust/comfort with someone through regular communication and positively engaging with one another to form a secure connection (Bowlby, 1988; Tolman & McClelland, 2011).
However, since youth are repeatedly exposed to these rapid storylines, cultivation leads them to believe that romance in the real world should happen rapidly as well (Ward, 2003). As a result, healthy relationships can begin to seem “dull” in comparison to the excitement of relational rollercoasters (Coyne et al., 2013). There are involved awkward talks, misconceptions, and waiting that are all necessary components of real-life relationships that commercialised media tends to cut short to preserve “interest” and sales (Gruber & Grube, 2000).
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When Toxic Behaviour Looks Romantic
One common problem today is that unhealthy behaviour is often portrayed as romantic in films, television series, and online videos (Gruber & Grube, 2000). Jealousy and toxic possessiveness are often mistaken for love and protection (Gruber & Grube, 2000). For instance, actions like checking a partner’s phone, acting angry when they talk to others, or controlling their social circle are falsely presented as signs of deep attachment (Ward, 2003). In psychological reality, these behaviours cross personal boundaries and create severe stress, fear, and emotional exhaustion (Tolman & McClelland, 2011).
This problem worsens because entertainment media rarely show the long-term emotional impact of toxic choices (Gruber & Grube, 2000). On-screen characters may hurt, manipulate, or control each other, but the narrative quickly resolves the conflict by the next episode to fit commercial formulas (Coyne et al., 2013). Real life is not that simple. When exposed over time to these patterns. Young people may begin to normalise unhealthy behaviours in their own relationships due to media cultivation (Ward, 2003). Therefore, behaviours that invade your partner’s boundaries and should feel unsettling will begin to feel normal over time (Brown et al., 2005). Healthy relationships have never depended on control or emotional manipulation. Trust, respect, safety, and communication build healthy relationships (Bowlby, 1988; World Health Organisation, 2018).
Read More: How Gen Z is Rewriting the Relationship Script
Social Media and Perfect Relationships
Social media has transformed relationships into public showcases (Vogel et al., 2014). We scroll through surprise gifts, picturesque dates, and perfect memories as couples daily. What doesn’t get posted are the edited highlights of every argument, insecurity, and hard conversation every healthy relationship goes through (Vogel et al., 2014). However, these posts show only carefully chosen highlights, completely hiding the arguments, insecurities, and difficult conversations that exist in every real relationship (Vogel et al., 2014).
Constant exposure to these idealised images triggers a process of social comparison among young viewers (Vogel et al., 2014). Many young people begin comparing their personal lives to what they see online, causing ordinary, healthy relationships to feel less special. Because they do not match the polished standards of social media (Coyne et al., 2013). This pressure is made worse by oversimplified relationship advice spread by online influencers. Such as claims that true partners never need space, or that jealousy is a sign of care (Gruber & Grube, 2000).
The Confusion Around Consent
Healthy boundary communication is one of the largest things that our media lacks. Consent should never be given if someone feels pressured, afraid, guilty, or emotionally manipulated into anything (World Health Organisation, 2018). Many films and web series send mixed messages about consent (Ward, 2003).
Frequent circumstances include a character pursuing someone they’re romantically interested in despite already being rejected. The boundary is crossed, but instead of portraying that as an issue. The media glorifies persistence as romantic until they finally consent (Ward, 2003). Constant exposure to these situations can cause people to believe that it’s okay to disrespect a boundary if they feel strongly enough about a person (Ward, 2003). Movie couples rarely discuss comfort, readiness, or boundaries before intimacy. As if these things don’t matter when you’re attracted to someone (Tolman & McClelland, 2011).
Healthy relationships in real life are built on communication about what will create a safe and secure base between partners (Bowlby, 1988). Social media has also contributed to this by posting videos that make light of disrespectful or toxic decisions as if there is no concept of personal space (Coyne et al., 2013). Because this is associated with humour, teens watching these videos can struggle when differentiating between real-life abuse and what’s okay because it’s “funny” (Gruber & Grube, 2000). Respect for boundaries is not unrealistic for a relationship. You can build up the most romantic connection with someone when there is mutual respect (Bowlby, 1988; World Health Organisation, 2018).
Conclusion
Entertainment media strongly influence adolescents’ ideas about love and sex (Ward, 2003). Though media online can offer immersive content. They all omit essential details like consent, readiness, boundaries, and accountability (Tolman & McClelland, 2011). Fictional media often prioritise shocking intimacy over long-term mental well-being (Coyne et al., 2013; Ward, 2003).
It teaches children that abuse is romantic if you yell things in your partner’s face; that jealousy is love. That manipulation is support, or that casual or early/fast sex equals intimacy (Gruber & Grube, 2000; Ward, 2003). Which is why we need comprehensive sex ed AND healthy forms of communication available to us (World Health Organisation, 2018).
Individuals need to be taught realistic expectations of what respect and trust can look like outside of media sources to know what healthy partnerships look like for them (Brown et al., 2005; World Health Organisation, 2018). Healthy expressions of love between human beings aren’t loud or perfect. The healthiest relationships you can foster IRL have a secure base where we can feel comfortable being ourselves (Bowlby, 1988).
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References +
Administration for Children and Families and the Department for HHS. 2007. http://www.acf.hhs.Gov/
APA (American Psychological Association). 2007. Report of the APA task force on the sexualization Of girls. Washington, DC: APA. http://www.apa.org/PI/women/programs/girls/report.aspx (accessed November 20, 2012).
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Vogel, E. A., Rose, J. P., Roberts, L. R., & Eckles, K. (2014). Social comparison, social media, and self-esteem. Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 3(4), 206–222. https://doi.org/10.1037/ppm0000047
Ward, L. (2003). Understanding the role of entertainment media in the sexual socialisation of American youth: A review of empirical research.Developmental Review, 23(3), 347–388. https://doi.org/10.1016/s0273-2297(03)00013-3
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