In the world of social media, most people are talking about Nirvana, mindfulness, thoughtlessness, Brain Gym, and meditation. But why people are talking so much about this now is because people are feeling, they are suffering too much in life and their suffer can be healed through these processes. That is true as well. But have you ever thought about what the cause of such suffering is and what changes when one practices above mentioned methods? The answer is unrealistic expectations from life. Meditation, mindfulness, and thoughtlessness are some of the processes that help one person accept the reality of life and changes one’s unrealistic expectations into realistic one. Now let’s first talk about unrealistic expectations in detail What are unrealistic expectations?
Expectations mean one’s belief that something will happen about to happen. Unrealistic expectations mean one belief that is rigid also very hard to achieve Or you can say someone’s wrong idea about something which they want to prove or want to achieve.
So what happens when such expectations are not met?
When expectations are not met one can feel disappointed, frustrated, stressed, hurt, angry, or helpless. In short, when expectations are not met the first response is unpleasant emotions.
Because it is human’s habit to predict the future and failing to make such an attempt, makes them feel miserable. They are in a practice of being certain in the uncertainty of life from the beginning.
How one hold such expectations which are had to be achieved?
Expectations are formed because of Cultural or religious beliefs, Parents’ upbringing, the environment where the child was brought up, past experiences of life, or the lessons taught to the child.
Once belief is formed it’s really hard to change it. It can be changed only when the person holding such belief is ready for the change. When someone is trying to change unrealistic expectations, it can turn into a misunderstanding or conflict between them. A person can claim that first person is not able to understand his or her point because they have learned what they are expecting is right.
The one who disagrees with our expectations is wrong.
Well, do you think this world can explained into bland and white thinking? A big No. Everyone has their own story and everyone’s perception is different.
How Unrealistic Expectations Affect Our Life and Relationships:
Unrealistic expectations make one life bitter in taste. Life is unpredictable for everyone. But the one who has a high amount of unrealistic expectations or too rigid unrealistic expectations suffers more.
They are suffering more in their imagination than in reality. If things do not turn as expected, they experience a chain of negative thoughts making them overburdened with unpleasant emotions. Such negative experience turns into negative conversation with people around them or with themselves to make the situation worse.
Gradually they hold some beliefs that are painful in nature, such as this world is full of bad people, relatives leave us when we are in trouble, they should be perfect in everything, and so on. This basically affects their perception and even in a new environment they place those hurtful expectations and miss the newness of the environment.
People perceive the world on the basis of ideas they hold. The more hurtful experiences and ideas they will focus on, the more bad life will seem to them.
Now what can be done in this situation?
The answer to this question in one line is to be the learner. Each day in each situation in life be ready for your beliefs to be challenged. Be ready to accept the unpredictability of this life. I know it’s not easy. But one minute who said life will be easy? It is also one of the irrational expectations in life. Even the one who say they know life is not easy finds it difficult to accept the reality when it’s not in their favor.
What I am trying to say is, that every day being ready to be rejected or be challenged will make you perceive life as more worth living. We all are going to die one or the other day, so why get so attached to our expectations or an abstract idea?
Some unrealistic expectations are:
- Everyone should like/ love/agree /appreciate me.
- It’s not ok to be depressed or sad.
- Painful life experiences are only because of our bad karma.
- There should be no conflict or misunderstanding in the relationship.
- People who love me should understand me.
- I must do everything well.
- I am always right.
Expectations lead to pain, but it also leads to pleasure. So hold expectations and once you know it’s unrealistic be ready to change it. Being flexible in thinking is the greatest ornament of humankind.
Be ready for rejection, dislike, disagreement, and conflict. This is how we learn, Else there would not have been the difference between a child of 6 years and a person of 60 years. One’s life experience makes them mature and create their own worth.
Be kind to the people who cheated you, mistreated you, or made you feel bad because you are who you are, only because of your experience and these experiences cannot happen to you without them.
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