The Mental Health Toll of Extravagant Indian Weddings

The smells of jasmine and marigolds fill the air. A bride walks over a flower-covered stage. Her lehenga shines under a light canopy, and hundreds of people are eating a ten-course meal. To someone who is not Indian, the scene shows the magic of an Indian wedding: tradition, luxury, and happiness. But behind the bright surface is a quiet battle. 

Too many Indian weddings, which are called the best cultural achievement, are difficult on couples and families mentally and emotionally. These over-the-top weddings hide a never-ending cycle of stress, money problems, and lost power that comes from family and social expectations that last for generations. This article explores how and why “shaadi ka laddoo” (the sweet burden of weddings) often leaves a bitter aftertaste. 

The Social Pressure and the Curse of Log Kya Kahenge? 

Marriages in India are both private events and public displays of family status. The phrase “log kya kahenge?” shows a society divided by social comparisons. Families go over budget, to the point of going into debt, to produce lavish events, fearing criticism from relatives, neighbours, and social media users. In terms of psychology, it fits Leon Festinger’s social comparison theory, wherein one’s self-worth is compared to others. 

Pressure to “keep up” appears in the form of chronic worry. Parents worry over guest lists, décor, and dowries (even unofficial ones), and couples worry over dress code and ceremony. A 2022 Indian Wedding Association survey reported that 68% of families experienced extreme wedding planning stress, with respondents claiming to have compromised on comfort over appearance. The end result? A loss of authentic happiness in its place. 

Financial Stress: Depression, Debt, and Family Problems 

The average Indian wedding could cost between ₹20 and ₹30 lakhs, considering the average per capita income of roughly ₹1.5 lakh. Families borrow money, sell real estate, and take out home loans to pay off lifelong debt. This means delaying retirement or sacrificing health insurance for middle-class parents. It has a huge psychological impact. Financial difficulties increase feelings of anxiety and hopelessness. A 2023 study in the Journal of Family Psychology argued that couples start out with a web of conflict and connect wedding debt to marital tension. 

Loss of Autonomy: How Couples Become Spectators 

Most Indian weddings are arranged by families and relatives, and the couple is just a participant in a predetermined script. Many young grooms and brides report feeling sidelined in their own wedding planning. They share how everything is pre-decided by the family, leaving them with no input beyond showing up on the day. 

That loss of control leads to helplessness and resentment. Psychologists refer to the conflict between internal desires and societal expectations as role strain. Couples pull away from each other, looking at the wedding like a ritual to survive instead of to relish. For others, that estrangement lasts, casting a shadow over the marriage. 

The Loss of Genuine Pleasure 

Weddings turn transactional in the race to impress. The ritual of saat phere (seven promises) or the ritual of the kanyadaan (giving away of the bride) also gets depersonalised, becoming a photo-op. Many elders express sadness about how weddings have lost their private nature over time. They state how weddings used to be simple gatherings in family courtyards rather than grand celebrations held in halls today, and how modern weddings have become more about show than meaningful connections. 

Cognitive dissonance between cultural nostalgia and excess has left many of us emotionally exhausted. As one bride admitted, “I don’t even remember my wedding. I was too worried that the photographer wasn’t getting the perfect picture.” 

The Post-Wedding Fallout 

The aftermath of an expensive wedding plants the seeds of dissatisfaction. Broken dreams of romance, financial stability, or peace in the family lead to dissatisfaction and stressed marriages affected by debt struggle to make ends meet daily. The older generation is angry at younger couples for their “ungratefulness” because they have already spent their savings. 

Chronic depression and anxiety have longer-term effects on mental health. A Mumbai-based therapist, for instance, said, “Many couples I see in counselling are buried under post-wedding debts.” They feel stuck, as though getting married put them under a financial curse. 

Paths to Healing: Finding Meaning Again 

To stop the cycle, individual as well as collective efforts are required. Couples can choose to set boundaries by selecting private rituals or dividing costs equally. Mental health professionals recommend pre-marriage counselling for managing stress and financial planning. Through small-scale initiatives, simplicity is becoming more accepted on the social level. 

Social collectives like ShaadiSquad in Delhi organise low-cost weddings with a focus on emotional connection and sustainability. Systemic pressure may be reduced by policy changes like stricter enforcement of anti-dowry laws and financial education initiatives. Even though a non-Indian wedding is lavish, the hidden costs are worth considering. As mental health consciousness expands, so too does the realisation that traditions have to shift to safeguard mental health. 

The trend toward smaller, deliberate weddings—in particular, those adopted by millennials and Gen Z—is a positive sign. By prioritising empathy over ambition, families can turn weddings from showcases of anxiety into authentic expressions of love. 

FAQs 

1. Why do Indian families overspend on weddings despite financial strain?

Indian families often prioritise societal approval over financial stability. The fear of judgment (“log kya kahenge?”) and cultural norms that equate lavish weddings with social status drive families to take loans, drain savings, or sell assets. Middle-class households may delay retirement or sacrifice healthcare to fund extravagant celebrations.  

2. How does societal pressure impact mental health during wedding planning?

The pressure to “keep up” with others triggers chronic stress, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy. A 2022 survey found 68% of families prioritised appearances over comfort, leading to emotional exhaustion. Social comparison theory explains this cycle, where self-worth becomes tied to external validation.  

3. What psychological effects does wedding debt have on couples?  

Wedding debt strains relationships, with couples starting marriages burdened by resentment and financial insecurity. Studies link debt to higher rates of marital conflict, anxiety, and depression. Many couples report constant arguments about money, overshadowing their early marital years.  

4. Are grooms affected by wedding pressures, or is it just brides?  

Both face pressures, but in gendered ways. Brides endure scrutiny over appearance, dowry expectations, and perfectionism, leading to body image issues. Grooms are pressured to fund lavish receptions or project financial success, often taking loans to meet expectations.  

5. What long-term consequences do lavish weddings have on families?

Post-wedding fallout includes family conflicts over unequal spending, mental health issues like chronic anxiety linked to debt, and eroded traditions where rituals lose emotional meaning and become performative displays.  

6. How have Indian weddings changed over the generations?  

Elders recall intimate, community-focused ceremonies in family courtyards. Modern weddings prioritise grandeur (e.g., banquet halls, designer outfits) over authenticity. The shift from meaningful rituals to “Instagrammable” moments reflects a cultural disconnect.  

7. Can families avoid these pressures? What solutions exist?  

Yes! Solutions include opting for intimate weddings with smaller guest lists, seeking pre-marital counselling to address financial planning, and advocating for policy reforms like stricter anti-dowry laws. Grassroots movements promote sustainable, emotionally meaningful weddings to counter societal pressures.