This Gen-Z has popularized the concept of self-love over the past few years, and of course there is no problem with that. But the actual problem surfaces only when people forget the difference between narcissism and self-love. People often get confused between these two concepts and use these terms interchangeably. `So, it’s time to break the bubble and know these concepts better, and if there’s any link between them.
What is Narcissism?
Narcissism is a kind of personality trait where a person is overly self-centered, has a sense of grandiosity and prioritizes oneself immensely. This wouldn’t have been so problematic unless these kinds of people prioritized themselves sometimes at the cost of others too.
What is Self-love?
Self-love is a form of practice where a person becomes aware of oneself and values each aspect of his/her existence. This includes creating healthy boundaries, working on unhealthy ones, and respecting one’s own feelings.
Let’s know them more….
Now that we fairly have some idea of what each of them means, we can probably distinguish between them. People tend to label each other way too easily these days, and one of that includes this too. Often I have come across people who are into self-care and self-love habits and are looked down on as narcissists. Yes, it is to some extent similar to the literal concept of narcissism but not in a true sense.
Narcissism is more of a negative trait while self-love is more of a positive practice. Narcissism is often considered as a spectrum- at one end is the positive one and at the other end is the negative one. Because, to some extent, we all have bits of narcissistic selves in us, and hence the positive approach. In this positive approach, people know where to draw the line and how to balance it. While for the negative approach, the negativity overtakes most of the positive traits. This means, if we consider narcissism as a continuum-
- At one end healthy narcissism exists,
- In the middle severe narcissism resides,
- Lastly, at the extreme other end we see pathological narcissism.
While people might often consider self-love practices to be selfish and self-obsessed, it is not. Narcissism is like being in love with oneself while self-love is loving oneself!
People with narcissistic traits are often suffering from very low self-esteem while a person who practices self-love tends to have a higher self-esteem. From this, we know that due to the lack of self-esteem, narcissistic people tend to suffer from a superiority complex to get past this inferiority.
Why It Matters
In fact, narcissistic people often don’t love themselves enough. They tend to overwork themselves to be praiseworthy in front of others. This often leads to dissatisfaction, after all we can’t control people’s thoughts about us. Eventually, it leads to a vicious cycle of self-damage unknowingly. Narcissistic people constantly seek outside validation but are repellent to criticism. While for people who are into self-love, validate themselves and are open to constructive criticism. This eventually means the latter group of people work on themselves to bring out the best in them. On the other hand, narcissistic people already believe that they are the best of all.
Narcissistic people often use statements like- “I’m superior and you’re inferior”, “Your success doesn’t matter, mine does”, “I will overtake you, stand aside”, etc. Narcissistic people are often “I” centric, while people with self-love focus on “us”. The latter group of people not only believes in self-growth, but also contributes to others’ growth. Narcissism teaches you to take others as your competitor, while self-love teaches you to be your own competitor and better yourself.
Effect on interpersonal relationships
Narcissistic people face immense amounts of difficulties in interpersonal relationships- with partners, spouses, friends, and family members. Narcissistic people can’t properly resolve conflicts as they dismiss their problems and focus only on others’ problems. Narcissistic people often keep their needs and priorities above anybody else’s. Since narcissistic people are always in need of external validation, they often try to get it from their partners and friends to feel superior. They themselves can’t figure out their own emotions and can’t love themselves properly, thus failing to understand and love others as well. Narcissistic partners are often blamed to be emotionally unavailable and are often seen to create minor to major mishaps.
While in the case of partners practicing self-love, they focus on each other’s growth, needs, and aspirations, and appreciate each other adequately. People with self-love often show greater confidence in handling interpersonal conflicts and resolving them maturely. They often seem to listen to and understand their partner’s point of view, alongside theirs. This eventually leads to the growth of mutual love, confidence, and self-esteem.
While in the case of partners practicing self-love, they focus on each other’s growth, needs, and aspirations, and appreciate each other adequately. People with self-love often show greater confidence in handling interpersonal conflicts and resolving them maturely. They often seem to listen to and understand their partner’s point of view, alongside theirs. This eventually leads to the growth of mutual love, confidence, and self-esteem.
Narcissism is not equal to Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
It’s always advisable to not label people based on external features, that too pathologically. That responsibility rests on the mental health professionals. Narcissism is a personality trait, but in some people, it manifests into a personality disorder. This doesn’t happen to every narcissistic person, hence advisable to stay away from over-generalization. While some features can be common in both cases, an NPD patient must fulfill some criteria to be diagnosed as so. To be diagnosed so, a person must be going through at least 5 or more symptoms (from DSM-5) for more than 6 months.
Those formal symptoms of NPD include-
- Sense of grandiosity
- The preoccupation of unrealistic fantasies about oneself
- Associate oneself with high-status people and considers themselves to be special
- Requires constant validation and has a sense of entitlement
- Lacks empathy and is exploitative in interpersonal relationships
- Exhibits arrogance and envies others or believes others envy them
Develop self-love and get rid of narcissism
You can practice self-love and self-care by-
- Acknowledging your true self
- Believing in your abilities
- Staying grounded to the roots
- Being empathetic to yourself and to others
- Incorporating healthy habits in your routine
- Have enough physical activities and healthy food habits
- Growing communicative skills alongside understanding others and oneself
You can get rid of your evil narcissism by-
- Practicing and believing in all the self=love and self-care habits
- Acknowledging your negative traits and working on them
- Not being shameful of your past deeds, yet having any amount of guilt, acting as a positive drive
- Learning to ask for help from others
- Learning to apologize for your mistakes
So, according to me, in this battle, self-love wins over narcissism! But, that doesn’t mean narcissistic people can never be lovable.
Leave feedback about this