Since marriage is one of the closest interpersonal relationships, it offers a special framework for studying the interplay between relational dynamics and individual differences. Personality and compatibility have emerged as particularly important drivers of relational happiness, stability, and long-term adjustment among the numerous psychological characteristics that obviously affect marital functioning. Personality refers to the consistent patterns of thought, feeling, and behaviour through which individuals perceive and respond to their partners.
It is the interaction of such individual dispositions with more generic relational characteristics, such as compatibility-defined by the convergence of emotional demands, communication styles, and values-that determines the quality and strength of marital relationships. Understanding the interaction between compatibility and personality traits-that is, as distinct but related variables-requires an analysis of how they interact in maintaining satisfying relationships.
Read More: The link between Personality Traits and Relationship Satisfaction
Understanding Personality
1. The Five Factor Model of Personality
Personality is a psychological framework for comprehending persistent thinking, emotion and behaviour patterns that shape each person’s interactions. A popular model for it is the Five Factor Model (FFM). Conscientiousness, agreeableness, extraversion, neuroticism and openness to new experiences are the five general personality traits that are featured. These remain stable through life and affect several significant life outcomes, such as the stability and satisfaction of a marriage (Sayehmiri et al., 2020).
2. Personality Traits and Relationship Dynamics
Neuroticism is the tendency to feel negative emotions. Individuals with high neuroticism are generally bad at coping during stressful situations. Sometimes, while even small disagreements can spill over into personal attacks, they might withdraw or say something that they didn’t mean to. They don’t cause trouble on purpose but rather have a heightened sense of what is acceptable and know they often feel it more strongly than other people. On the other hand, more conscientious people tend to introduce some kind of tempered stability into a relationship and contribute to building calm, steady trust, which is hard to shake because they are trustworthy and remember that what is true is what matters the most.
People who are generally accommodating are the bond of a relationship. Their charm, patience and ability to negotiate help maintain the connection as a couple even when they have conflict. The even more extroverted individuals bring energy to the relationship as they are willing to share experiences, talk, and encourage each other to relax and be themselves, bringing energy and authenticity back into the relationship dynamic. Individuals who are quite interesting and spontaneous spark a level of curiosity or distinctiveness. They help cultivate the relationship by challenging their partners to explore new ideas and by being secure in their partner’s interesting options.
3. How Personality Shapes Relationship Outcomes
All of these characteristics illustrate why no two relationships look the same. It is the way people communicate and the way they respond, and the way they make peace after a fight that track back to a person’s differences.
Concept of Marital Compatibility
Compatibility in marriage describes the experience of behavioural, psychological and emotional alignment between two people. Two people can communicate and be together while living and growing in harmony. It entails communicating to connect and understand, the ability to know and provide for each other’s emotional needs and having the same belief system. Compatibility isn’t just about being in the clear; it refers to the ability to stay balanced and connected even where partners differ in personality traits, opinions, or life aspirations.
The ideas of compatibility, marital satisfaction and marital stability are closely related, but they show different concepts. Compatibility is related to the degree to which two people fit together on a more profound psychological level, while marital satisfaction refers to how satisfied or happy each partner in the marriage feels (Sayehmiri et al., 2020). Marital stability is understood through the resilience of the ongoing relationship, regardless of whether partners feel fulfilled. While many studies demonstrate that high compatibility usually predicts satisfaction, some couples can remain stable even with low satisfaction, which therefore shows that emotional alignment and satisfaction, though apparently connected, are not the same thing (van Aken et al., 2011).
That is, marital compatibility comes from a balance between common characteristics that make for harmony and complementary ones that offer venues for growth and mutual support. By this standard, what defines a compatible partnership is not identical personalities but rather the capabilities of both partners to emotionally attune, communicate effectively, and respond to one another’s needs stably and adaptively.
Read More: What Compatibility Really Means in Neurodiverse Love
Personality in Relationship Formation Contexts
The predictive power of personality traits can vary depending on the relationship stage and the context in which partners meet. In mate selection and marriage, a higher score on a general index of “personal traits” — constructed from interviewer-assessed personality, physical attractiveness, and grooming — has been associated with a greater likelihood of entering into a marital relationship for both individuals, but not a cohabiting relationship (Lehrer, 2014). This indicates that certain personality traits may hold greater value within the formal commitment of marriage than in less traditional relationships.
In contrast, studies on matchmaking show a different pattern. In a study of professionally guided matchmaking among older adults, no Big Five traits significantly predicted success, defined as being in a relationship for at least three months (Whelan, Vermeer, & van Scheppingen, 2025). This finding is in contrast to results obtained in short-term dating contexts such as speed dating, where traits like extraversion and openness to experience are shown to predict initial attraction (Malouff, Thorsteinsson, & Schutte, 2010; Sayehmiri et al., 2020). It is suggested that structured matchmaking leads people to pay less attention to first impressions or superficial personality characteristics. And instead emphasises deeper characteristics—such as similarity in values, emotional readiness, and long-term compatibility (Whelan et al., 2025).
The Direct Effects of Individual Personality Traits on Marital Satisfaction
A meta-analysis collecting data across intimate heterosexual partners indicated significant associations between four of the Big Five factors — extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, and neuroticism—and relationship satisfaction, both for the actor’s personal relationship satisfaction (actor effect), as well as their partner’s satisfaction (partner effect) (Malouff et al., 2010).
1. The Primary Vulnerability
Neuroticism is the personality factor most consistently related to relationship outcomes. According to Sayehmiri et al. (2020), High neuroticism correlates with lower marital and sexual satisfaction. In one meta-analysis, neuroticism enjoyed the strongest negative correlation with self-rated marital satisfaction, compelling scholars to refer to it as “toxic for marriage” (Malouff et al., 2010).
The negative effect of neuroticism might be mediated either through dissatisfaction with the sexual relationship or through maladaptive interaction patterns. Unstable individuals generally express more criticism, contempt, and defensiveness and tend to manifest anxiety, hostility, impulsivity, depression, and low self-esteem. Such traits increase stress sensitivity and reduce a couple’s adaptive capacity to cope with life stressors Malouff et al., 2010.
Longitudinal data support that neuroticism is a predictor of declines in relationship satisfaction and a greater risk of divorce. Specifically, a study with newlywed couples indicated that neuroticism predicted lower concurrent marital and sexual satisfaction for partners and predicted a decline a year later for wives. Additionally, even when personality factors were accounted for, people with generalised anxiety disorder at baseline were more likely to experience marital dissolution a decade later.
Read More: The Impact of Low Self-Esteem on Relationships: Insights from Psychologists
2. Positive Personality Traits
Overall, there is evidence indicating that conscientiousness, agreeableness, and extraversion can be positively associated with relationship satisfaction (Sayehmiri et al. 2020), with conscientiousness- a marker of general reliability, self-discipline and responsibility- being the most strongly associated. Smith et al.’s (2012) study of long-married couples showed that conscientiousness had the strongest correlation with marital satisfaction.
Agreeableness, which consists of empathy, altruism and cooperation, positively contributes to emotional closeness and conflict resolution. This showed strong positive correlations with satisfaction across cultural contexts.
Also, extraversion has been found to positively correlate with satisfaction in marriage because extraverts tend to be sociable, self-assured, and positive (Malouff et al., 2010). However, other studies have cautioned that while there is generally a positive correlation between extraversion and satisfaction, high levels of extraversion may pose a relationship threat by presenting the possibility of alternative partners. Lastly, Openness to Experience reflects curiosity and a desire for novelty and has been found to have a small to positive correlation with satisfaction, possibly because it allows for adaptability and shared discoveries of new experiences.
Read More: 10 Reasons People Struggle with Self-Discipline, According to Psychologists
Personality Change and Relationship Trajectories
Personality shows considerable stability in adulthood, yet meaningful intra-individual change can occur as a by-product of significant life events, including those to do with relationships, such as marriage, becoming a parent, or divorce (Specht, Egloff, & Schmukle, 2011).
1. Change over 18 years
In a large longitudinal study of married adults in the U.S. followed over 18 years, personality change was significantly associated with marital satisfaction change in a longitudinal sample (Robins, Caspi, & Moffitt, 2002).
- Neuroticism: Rising levels of neuroticism were significantly linked to decreasing marital satisfaction over time. This also suggests a reciprocal process in which lower marital quality may heighten instability, creating a downward spiral (Robins et al., 2002).
- Conscientiousness: Increases in conscientiousness over time were associated with increases in marital satisfaction (Roberts & Chapman, 2000). However, while changes in conscientiousness predicted beneficial outcomes, one longitudinal analysis found that higher initial levels of conscientiousness predicted steeper decreases in marital satisfaction over time—particularly among younger adults high in conscientiousness (Robins et al., 2002).
2. Change in Newlyweds
A longitudinal study tracking newlyweds over their first 18 months of marriage found significant mean-level personality changes. Partners both declined in agreeableness; husbands showed declines in extraversion. And increases in conscientiousness; and wives declined in openness and neuroticism (van Aken et al., 2011). Notably, wives who increased in neuroticism during this period experienced steeper declines in both their own and their husbands’ marital satisfaction (van Aken et al., 2011).
The Role of Personality Similarity
The impact of similarity, or assortative mating, on marital success is complex and varies across different domains. Whether it is personality traits, values or broader life orientations, and the duration of the relationship (Gonzaga, Campos, & Bradbury, 2007).
1. General Similarity and Satisfaction
Overall, greater similarity between partners is associated with higher levels of marital satisfaction and lower levels of negative affect (Watson et al., 2004). In particular, similarity across gender-linked personality domains and value systems tends to predict stronger relationship outcomes than similarity in attitudes or religiosity (Gonzaga et al., 2007).
2. Methodological Considerations
Research also indicates that profile-based similarity, which compares the partners’ overall personality configurations, shows stronger and more consistent correlations with satisfaction and adjustment than methods relying on individual trait difference scores (Hudson, Fraley, Brumbaugh, & Vicary, 2014).
3. Similarity in Long-Term Marriages
While the adage “birds of a feather flock together” remains culturally popular, evidence from longitudinal studies challenges its universal validity. In a 12-year study of middle-aged and older married couples, greater personality similarity actually predicted steeper declines in marital satisfaction (Weidmann, Schönbrodt, Ledermann, & Grob, 2017). The negative trajectory was particularly strong for similarity in Conscientiousness and Extraversion among middle-aged couples.
Researchers propose that in midlife, high similarity in “agency” traits may intensify competition over instrumental tasks such as career and household responsibilities, whereas moderate dissimilarity may foster complementary role division (Weidmann et al., 2017). In the older cohort, however, greater similarity in Openness predicted higher satisfaction for husbands, and similarity in Agreeableness predicted higher satisfaction for wives (Weidmann et al., 2017), suggesting that the benefits of similarity may vary across life stages.
4. Actual Assortative Mating
Empirical research examining trait similarity between spouses generally finds only small effect sizes. Most studies show that there is no strong systematic association between partners’ Big Five characteristics, indicating that personality assortment in marriage is limited (Humbad, Donnellan, Iacono, & Burt, 2010).
Conclusion
The connection between personality and compatibility in marriage suggests that enduring relationships develop not with ideal parity, but through emotional flexibility, mutual values and a willingness to evolve together. Personality characteristics function as consensus strengths and weaknesses. These characteristics define how partners communicate, manage conflict, and maintain intimacy throughout the duration of their marriage (Sayehmiri et al., 2020). Being aware of norms allows marriage interventions to move away from symptom-level issues, to work that describes the psychological foundations of satisfactions and tensions.
Read More: Nurturing Intimacy: Strategies to Deepen Your Connection with Your Partner
1. Building Resilient and Fulfilling Relationships
Being aware of the destabilising influence of neuroticism allows therapists to support partners in escaping the cycle of emotion-based dysfunction through cognitive restructuring and open communication (Malouff et al., 2010). At the same time, identifying and developing positive personality predictors of reliability, empathy and responsiveness highlights and builds trust and resiliency (Roberts & Chapman, 2000). Compatibility, then, is not about being the same person, but about complementation and the meanings they create about their relationship. When partners align in values and emotional attunement, their relationships deepen and become more fulfilling.
Ultimately, the sustainability of a marriage depends on balancing individuality with mutual understanding and connection. Counselling and marital education that recognise this phenomenon can help couples turn personality differences into opportunities for personal growth. And use divergence as a strength to sustain their connection.
Read More: Mastering Effective Communication: Building Trust and Strong Relationships
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