How People Dating After 40 Use Apps to “Interview” Instead of Connect

You’re wiser, smarter, braver, and more discerning in your 40s than you were in your 20s and 30s, which means that finding the right person can be both productive and exciting. Still, there are aspects that may not have been factors when you were dating as a younger person, like the number of financial responsibilities or your dedication to your career. You might not have had enough relationship experience to learn from, either.   

As of 2021, a quarter of 40-year-olds in the US had never married, up from 20% 11 years earlier, according to data from Pew Research, which means the dating pool is considerably wide. This tendency has been observed consistently for 35 years as of 2025: since 1990, the first marriage rate in midlife has increased by 45% for men and 75% for women. The shares of men and women getting married for the first time between the ages of 40 and 59 quadrupled between 1990 and 2019, increasing from 3% to 12% among men and from 2% to 9% among women. 

Plenty of fish in the sea

People dating after 40 are fairly well-represented on dating apps: 37% of people aged 30 to 49, and a fifth of those aged 50 to 64 have used an app at least once, compared to 53% of people under 30. Another difference is in the way younger and older adults use them. Choosing a compatible partner when over 40 is approached differently; dating apps are more like a series of mini-interviews and less like a space for spontaneous connection. 

With life experience, clearer priorities, and less time to waste, many 40+ users swipe with intent, screening for compatibility, stability, and shared values up front. Instead of flirtation, early conversations can feel like vetting processes. The simple question, “What do you do?” is asked with a great deal of intent. There is awareness that different personality types gravitate to different professions, and this question, coupled with other seemingly banal ones such as, “What do you do in your free time?” helps the discerning app user determine whether their lifestyles align. Ultimately, this is key to gauging compatibility.   

People in their 40s have had more time to experience heartbreaks, especially those who have gone through a painful divorce. Previous experiences can help navigate the dating scene as long as one takes the time to reflect on what they liked and disliked about exes. Older people are likelier to have reflected on their behavior in past relationships and assess the degree to which it was appropriate. 

It’s no secret shared values are key to a successful relationship, and people dating after 40 are likelier to be aware of their own values. One must be honest about one’s values before knowing what values to look for in a partner. 

FAQ

1. Do people over 40 stand a chance on dating apps?

Online dating is like stepping into a room full of people who are also seeking a partner, but without leaving the comfort of your home. The best dating apps for single people over 40 make it possible to browse profiles efficiently and filter for users who share your values and interests. 

2. What makes some older adults hesitate to try dating apps?

Plenty of people are single after 40, so the idea that there’s no one out there doesn’t hold water, even if the exact number of singles depends on the definition of “single” (divorced, never married, separated, widowed). It’s society’s old-fashioned, negative ideas about dating and aging that make people give up.

3. What challenges do people dating after 40 face?

Past experiences bring trust issues or other emotional baggage, and people put up emotional walls to protect themselves. There is also time pressure and the challenge of finding someone who’s compatible. Most people are more flexible about what they’re looking for in a partner in their 20s or 30s, and it’s easier to adjust to cohabitation. After 40, you probably have a clearer sense of your desires and needs and your non-negotiables, but that’s a blessing in disguise, not a challenge.