We live in a solution-oriented world. When someone shares a problem, the instinctive response is often, “Have you tried this?” or “You should do that.” Advice feels helpful, active and efficient. However, in many instances, after the conversation, it can leave people feeling disconnected from the speaker, unheard and worse off than before. Psychological research consistently provides evidence indicating that when someone expresses their problems, the first thing that individual wants is to be validated. Emotional validation is not an approval, endorsement or encouragement of unhealthy behaviour. It just communicates one single message: “Your feelings make sense.”
Read More: Emotional Validation as a tool to improve Relationship
What is Emotional Validation?
Emotional validation consists of validating, accepting and mirroring someone’s internal emotional experience without any judgment. It involves listening attentively, naming emotions and conveying understanding. Validation can be expressed through:
- Reflective listening (“It sounds like you felt really overwhelmed.”)
- Normalising emotions (“Given what you went through, it makes sense you’d feel this way.”)
- Non-verbal cues like eye contact, nodding, and an open posture
In contrast, invalidation dismisses or minimises emotions, often unintentionally. Examples of invalidating comments can include “You’re overreacting,” “Others have it worse,” or “Just think positively.” Experimental studies show that invalidation increases emotional arousal, while validation reduces emotional intensity and distress (Kuo et al., 2022).
Why Advice Alone Often Falls Short
Advice assumes that the problem is primarily practical. However, emotional struggle does not result from a lack of information; rather, it results from the inability to cope with an emotional overload. When advice is offered too quickly:
- People may feel judged or criticised
- The listener may appear dismissive of the emotional pain
- The distressed person may shut down or become defensive
When a person experiences emotional invalidation, research shows that their negative affect increases, their physiological arousal increases and their ability to control their emotions decreases (Kuo et al., 2022). Consequently, the ability to make rational decisions or come up with a solution is greatly diminished during these moments. In other words, any solution offered prior to receiving validation may fail to be very effective because the emotional system is not ready to receive them.
Validation and Emotion Regulation
One of the strongest research-based explanations for the power of validation comes from emotion regulation theory. Validation helps by:
- Reducing emotional intensity
- Creating a sense of psychological safety
- Allowing for the processing of emotions instead of suppression
Studies examining affect labelling, which is the process of verbally identifying emotions, demonstrate that simply putting feelings into words reduces activity in brain regions associated with distress (Lieberman et al., 2007). Validation works similarly by helping individuals feel seen and understood. Kuo et al. (2022) experimentally demonstrated that validation leads to lower emotional reactivity compared to invalidation, especially for individuals who already struggle with emotion regulation. This finding is particularly relevant in counselling and mental health settings.
Read More: Mastering Emotional Regulation: Techniques to Manage Stress and Improve Mental Health
Validation in Psychotherapy
Across therapeutic approaches, validation is a major component in the success of a therapeutic approach. Research has shown that a large percentage of successful outcomes from psychotherapy come from common elements within the therapeutic relationship (e.g. empathy, warmth, connection, validation) compared to elements of specific techniques or advice-based approaches (Wampold & Imel, 2015).
The therapeutic relationship develops through a combination of validation and empathy, has been shown to have a strong association with positive results in many different therapeutic models (Flückiger et al., 2018). Dialectical Behaviour Therapy explicitly places validation at the core of treatment. DBT proposes that emotional dysregulation worsens when individuals experience chronic invalidation (Linehan, 1993). Validation in DBT:
- Reduces emotional arousal
- Strengthens the therapeutic relationship
- Increases willingness to engage in change strategies
Research supports DBT’s effectiveness across multiple populations, highlighting validation as a central mechanism of change (Linehan et al., 2015).
Why Feeling Understood Changes Everything
Validation does something advice cannot: it addresses the relational need to be understood. When people feel validated:
- Trust increases
- Shame decreases
- Self-acceptance improves
- Motivation for change grows
Harvard Health Publishing (2023) explains that validation helps “defuse intense emotions” by reducing defensiveness and emotional escalation. When emotions settle down, people can better assess their thoughts, receive constructive feedback, and come to an understanding of how to improve. This aligns with counselling research showing that change is more likely when people feel emotionally safe, not pressured or corrected.
Validation Does Not Equal Agreeing
One major misconception is that validation means supporting and nurturing maladaptive beliefs and behaviours. Research-informed models strongly reject this idea. Validation means:
- Acknowledging emotions, not behaviours
- Accepting feelings without encouraging maladaptive actions
- Holding empathy and boundaries simultaneously
DBT describes validation as understanding behaviour within its context, not approving of it (Linehan, 1993). For example, one can validate a person’s anger while still discouraging aggression. This difference is exceptionally pertinent in the fields of parenting, counselling, and mediation.
Read More: 10 Subtle Signs that shows you are a Natural Problem Solver, According to Psychology
Validation in Everyday Relationships
Outside therapy, validation plays a powerful role in daily interactions with friends, partners, family members and colleagues. Research on interpersonal communication suggests that people seek emotional connection before cognitive input. When validation is missing, even well-intentioned advice may feel cold or dismissive. Examples:
- A friend grieving loss may need acknowledgement, not reassurance
- A stressed student may need understanding before study tips
- A partner sharing frustration may need empathy before solutions
Research has shown that the perception of empathy and validation has a direct correlation with relationship satisfaction and improvements in communication between people (Reis et al., 2017).
Why We Rush to Give Advice
Understanding why advice is so tempting helps explain why validation is often overlooked. People advise because:
- It feels productive and helpful
- Discomfort with emotions drives avoidance
- Problem-solving is socially rewarded
- Silence can feel awkward or inadequate
However, research suggests that tolerating emotional presence, rather than fixing, leads to deeper connection and better outcomes (Wampold & Imel, 2015).
Read More: Work on the Problem Behaviour before it turns into Delinquency
When Solutions Become Helpful
Validation does not replace solutions; it prepares the ground for them. Effective support often follows this sequence:
- Listen and validate
- Allow emotional regulation
- Collaboratively explore options
- Offer advice if invited
Once the emotions have calmed down, the advice given will be better received, incorporated into everyday living and implemented into the reality of the individual needing it.
Implications for Mental Health Practice
For counsellors, therapists, and mental health professionals, research carries important implications. Evidence suggests that effective practitioners:
- Prioritise validation early in sessions
- Avoid premature problem-solving
- Use empathy to regulate emotional intensity
- Collaborate rather than instruct
Validation is not a soft skill. As indicated by Flückiger et al. (2018), this is an intervention supported by published evidence that allows individuals to develop awareness, strength and growth.
Read More: Psychology behind Validation: Why Feeling Heard Can Heal
Conclusion
Advice can guide action, but validation heals the emotional ground on which action becomes possible. Research across psychology shows that people change not because they are told what to do, but because they feel understood, accepted, and safe enough to reflect. In a world eager to fix, validation asks us to pause, listen, and sit with emotion. It reminds us that before solutions, people need connection. And often, when validation is present, the path forward becomes clearer on its own.
References +
• Flückiger, C., Del Re, A. C., Wampold, B. E., & Horvath, A. O. (2018). The alliance in adult psychotherapy: A meta-analytic synthesis. Psychotherapy, 55(4), 316–340. https://doi.org/10.1037/pst0000172
• Harvard Health Publishing. (2023, August 14). Validation: Defusing intense emotions. Harvard Medical School. https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/validation defusing-intense-emotions-202308142961
• Kuo, J. R., Fitzpatrick, S., Metcalfe, R. K., & McMain, S. (2022). The who and what of validation: An experimental examination of validation and invalidation on emotional reactivity. Borderline Personality Disorder and Emotion Dysregulation, 9(1), Article 11. https://doi.org/10.1186/s40479-022-00185-x
• Lieberman, M. D., Eisenberger, N. I., Crockett, M. J., Tom, S. M., Pfeifer, J. H., & Way, B. M. (2007). Putting feelings into words: Affect labelling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli. Psychological Science, 18(5), 421–428. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2007.01916.x
• Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-behavioural treatment of borderline personality disorder. Guilford Press. https://www.guilford.com/books/Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment-of-Borderline-Personality-Disorder/Marsha-Linehan/9780898621839
• Linehan, M. M., Korslund, K. E., Harned, M. S., Gallop, R. J., Lungu, A., Neacsiu, A. D., McDavid, J., & Murray-Gregory, A. M. (2015). Dialectical behaviour therapy for high suicide risk in individuals with borderline personality disorder: A randomised clinical trial. JAMA Psychiatry, 72(5), 475–482. https://doi.org/10.1001/jamapsychiatry.2014.3039
• Reis, H. T., Lemay, E. P., & Finkenauer, C. (2017). Toward understanding: The importance of feeling understood in relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 112(4), 563–581. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000089
• Wampold, B. E., & Imel, Z. E. (2015). The great psychotherapy debate: The evidence for what makes psychotherapy work (2nd ed.). Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9780203582015
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