Friendships Across the Lifespan: What Keeps Relationships Strong Over Time 

When we talk about friendship, we often hear that it’s someone who has your back, someone who listens without judgment, someone you can be your true self with, someone you can count on no matter what. While friendship is all that, it is a choice – you meet someone who shares similar interests as you and you decide to keep them around forever, and to do so, you put in the effort. Friendships are thus an unforced, non-obligatory relationship. 

Elbert Hubbard beautifully said, “A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” As cliche as it might sound, they see you at your best and your worst, yet decide to stick by you. The voluntary nature of friendship allows individuals to choose who they surround themselves with, thereby allowing them to take ownership of who influences their development and who does not, as we tend to place things that friends say to us in high regard. 

Why are Friendships Important? 

Humans are all social beings; we have an innate ability and biological need to develop and form interpersonal connections. There is no doubt that humans need healthy social relations to survive and thrive. In contrast to the obligatory relations one may have with their family or the enforced relations with teachers or colleagues, friendships are entirely autonomous and unforced – humans choose to make friends. But friendships lack a formal structure; one may go months without seeing or contacting a friend, yet somehow the bond doesn’t change, and that’s the beauty of this relationship. 

Research through the years has shown that friendship is important to an individual’s mental and physical health. Friends provide a strong sense of belonging, alleviate feelings of loneliness, and contribute to self-esteem and overall life satisfaction (Lu et al., 2021). Having a larger number of friends is often associated with greater social support, which in turn is associated with reduced stress, and thus greater well-being and less self-reported physical illness (Nabi et al., 2013). Though there exist differences in how people define friendships, and also in how different cultures define friendships. 

Friendships exist in every stage of life, although their form and function change significantly with different age groups.

Friendships Across the Lifespan 

Friendships exist in every stage of life, although their form and function change significantly with different age groups. 

Childhood 

In the earliest years of life, friendship is characterised by shared activities and proximity – individuals become friends with their neighbours, classmates, etc. These are crucial in the child’s social, emotional, and cognitive development. Friendships during childhood are important for developing people’s self-concepts, emotional regulation, trust, and conflict management. 

Adolescence 

With this transition, friendships become more complex and emotionally loaded. This period is crucial for identity formation, and individuals here have a high desire for belonging. Adolescents begin taking charge of their development as they carefully start choosing who they interact with. During this time, they also spend most of their time with friends as compared to other age groups. Romantic intimacy becomes a significant part of their lives as well. Adolescents become friends with people who have common interests and take part in similar activities. 

Young Adulthood 

Here, the sense of identity is more solidified, so people begin to look for friends who complement them – i.e., people tend to prioritise friends who share similar life experiences or offer strong support. Young adults (in their 20s and 30s) tend to rely greatly on friends for support while also exploring romantic relationships. The focus is on strong bonds with deeper, more intimate connections. 

Middle Adulthood 

This brings a shift from the quantity of friends to the quality of their relationships. People in middle adulthood report having fewer friends and less time spent with friends, which may be because of multiple social roles that they have (Heshmati et al., 2022). Proximity also plays a significant role in maintaining adult friendships, as the time available for friendship decreases because of other demanding areas, making it essential to have friends nearby. 

Late Adulthood 

Social circles tend to shrink during old age, but the relationships often deepen. Friendships provide them with companionship, help them combat loneliness, and offer a great sense of connection. 

The Pillars of Enduring Friendships 

“The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.” – Elisabeth Foley

So, what keeps relationships or friendships strong over time?

• Emotional Support and Trust: Lifelong friends are often those who stood by each other during tough times, who showed up, who had each other’s backs. Trust is the foundation of enduring friendships, which can be built by showing empathy, offering genuine support, and listening without judgment. 
• Consistent Communication: Long-lasting friendships require effort from both sides to stay in touch. For friends to “pick up from where they left off,” some amount of regular check-ins helps keep the connection alive. 
• Mutual Growth and Respect: Friendships thrive when people grow individually while also continuing to support and respect each other. Friends adapt to the changes in each other’s lives. 
• Humour and Joy: Laughter is often what holds friendships together. Shared humour and enjoying each other’s company help keep the memory alive. 

Trust, dedication, mutual support, and emotional connection are some other aspects that keep friendships strong over time (Hartup & Stevens, 1999). Yet, it is not how frequently one contacts their friend that ensures strong friendships, but what matters is how that contact is used, i.e., what they talk about (Augustsson et al., 2025). Since friendships are based mainly on mutual choice and not obligation, they can be vulnerable to life’s ups and downs. Thus, it is important to put in efforts to have strong, healthy friendships throughout life as they have a lot of benefits to offer, and the biggest one being the happiness and sense of belonging they offer. 

FAQs 

1. Why are friendships important? 

Friendships are important because humans are social beings and have an innate need to develop and form social relations. Friends provide a strong sense of belonging, alleviate feelings of loneliness, and contribute to self-esteem and overall life satisfaction.

2. How is friendship different across the lifespan? 

The way that friendships exist differs across different ages. Where in childhood friends are usually determined by their proximity and shared interests, in adolescence, they are crucial in forming identities. But friends may grow apart with age when they move for college, careers, etc. Thus, in adulthood, friendship may look like keeping in touch through the years to support and be there for each other. 

3. What keeps friendships strong over time?

Trust, communication, dedication, mutual support, respect, and emotional connection are some other aspects that keep friendships strong over time.