A son who used to ask for help with almost everything now wants to walk to a friend’s house alone. The parent might simultaneously feel pride in their child’s growing independence and an overwhelming anxiety about their safety; this can result in an internal battle between fostering growth and protecting them. That was just an example of parents’ inner struggle during a child’s transition to adolescence.
Adolescence is an important stage of a human’s life where every child faces a huge transformation. As children enter their teenage years, they face very rapid physical, psychological & emotional changes that shape their unique identity and future life. Somehow adolescent stage is being much focused on by everyone, but simultaneously, there is another journey also being processed, and that often gets ignored that developed within the As a developmental psychologist, Laurence Steinberg (2014) explains, parents must adapt from being protectors to becoming guides, a shift that can evoke feelings of uncertainty, loss of control and emotional disconnect.
Read More: Establishing identity during adolescence
What is Adolescent transition?
The adolescent period typically begins around 10-13 years of age and continues through the late teens. The basic change in this stage is Hormonal changes, the development of cognitive abilities and most importantly is the need for independence. Teenagers mostly start questioning authority, seeking peer validation and claiming self-rule. However, these changes within teenagers are quite natural, but they can create friction within the family unit. Parents feel misunderstood by children, whereas they were in the central role; this change in the family unit shakes the entire emotional foundation. Adolescence is a transformative period marked by rapid physical, emotional, and cognitive changes. Recognising its stages helps parents navigate the inner struggles they often face while supporting their child’s growth.
1. Early Adolescence (10–13 years)
This stage marks the onset of puberty and the beginning of identity exploration. According to Erickson’s psychosocial theory, children start moving from the stage of Industry vs. Inferiority toward Identity vs. Role Confusion. Cognitively, Piaget notes that children are primarily in the Concrete Operational Stage, meaning their thinking is logical but mostly tied. Many parents experience anxiety as they try to balance control and freedom.
2. Middle adolescence
It is a critical period for identity formation. Erikson’s Identity vs. Role Confusion stage is in full force, and adolescents begin to think abstractly as per Piaget’s Formal Operational Stage. Parents often report increased conflict during this phase, feeling emotionally distanced or unsure how to communicate effectively. Emotional validation and supportive boundaries are key to fostering healthy development.
3. Late Adolescence (18–19+ years)
In this stage, physical development stabilises, and emotional regulation improves. Erikson’s next stage, Intimacy vs. Isolation, begins as young adults form deeper relationships outside the family. For parents, this stage requires a shift from direct oversight to supportive independence. Understanding these stages through psychological theories helps parents empathise with their child’s journey and manage their own emotional challenges effectively.
Read More: The Adolescent Brain: How Frontal Lobe Development Shapes Thinking and Behaviour
Basic Inner Struggle Faced by Parents
Studies show that parents often experience anxiety, self-doubt, and even grief as their children become more independent (Luthar & Cicciolla,2015). There were many struggles present during this phase, but the most important struggle faced by them was A loss of control. During childhood, parents mostly guide and make decisions for their children, but during this period, teens begin to make choices & decisions on their own. This role change can make them feel weakened and disappointed
Emotional Distancing is another key challenge also facing parents. Often, teenagers just want to establish their independent identity. For this, they distance themselves from parents; however, this is a healthy change, but parents often feel left behind or rejected by this happening, especially when it replaces their previous closeness.
Their communication shifts to confrontation and arguments, and many parents feel emotionally disconnected and disrespected, besides living under the same roof. This is called Renegotiation of the parent-child relationship this phase, parents should avoid becoming an enforcing authority; rather, they have to deal with this situation with proper maturity to maintain a respectful and healthy connection among them.
Read More: Why Confrontation Doesn’t Have to Be Scary—7 Ways to Make It Easier
Cultural Impact on Parents’ Struggles
Parental experiences during adolescence are deeply shaped by cultural values, expectations, and societal roles. In collectivist cultures—such as those in India, China, or Latin America—family unity, obedience, and interdependence are emphasised. Here, a child’s growing independence may be perceived as defiance or disrespect, intensifying parental anxiety or guilt.
Parents may struggle to reconcile traditional expectations with their adolescent’s need for autonomy, often fearing societal judgment or loss of family reputation. In contrast, individualistic cultures—like those in the U.S. or Western Europe—typically encourage self-expression and independence from a young age. While this may ease some aspects of the transition, parents can still face emotional struggles, especially as teens challenge authority or choose paths that diverge from family norms.
How Bodily and Neurological Changes Shape Adolescent Behaviour
Adolescence is marked by a surge in both bodily (pubertal) and neurological development, which influences behaviour.
1. Bodily Changes
The onset of puberty triggers hormonal changes—particularly in estrogen and testosterone—that lead to visible physical growth such as height increase, body hair, voice changes, and sexual maturation. These changes often result in heightened self-consciousness, social comparison, and identity exploration, which may cause mood swings, anxiety, or sensitivity to peer approval.
2. Neurological Changes
The adolescent brain undergoes major restructuring. The limbic system, responsible for emotion and reward, develops earlier than the prefrontal cortex, which governs impulse control, planning, and decision-making. This developmental gap explains why adolescents are more prone to risk-taking, impulsivity, and emotional outbursts.
Dealing Strategies & Coping Mechanisms
Well, above mentioned struggles are common and normal in the population. These can be managed by doing some important things. Some key notes can be helpful for them in many ways:
1. Self-awareness
Self-awareness is important for everyone, but in a child’s transition phase, recognising their own emotional trigger points is the first step for parents. If the focus is on their experience along with current fears, this can help them to respond more consciously rather than responsively, and it may help them deal with the situation effectively.
2. Education and awareness
Education and awareness about adolescence and its changes can make a difference in their lives. Adolescents’ changing behaviour pattern is a part of the normal developmental process, which is not purely disrespect or rebellion. Education and awareness make them aware of the fact. After this, they may rebuild their viewpoint about adolescents.
3. Seeking support
There is nothing bad in seeking support; there can be deep feelings of assurance when parents talk and share their problems with parenting groups, therapy and peer conversation because they can offer relief and validation to their views. Parents may feel relieved in knowing that they are not alone in this situation. Everything will be fine someday.
4. Open communication
It’s an adolescent’s tendency that they do not like lectures, thus in this transition phase parents must not do lecturing, instead they should listen to them in non non-judgmental form. This non-judgmental approach can create honest and open conversation, which may build trust between them and reduce conflict and misunderstanding. Thus, open and honest communication can fill the gap and build a strong bond between them.
Read More: How to deal with a Conflict?
5. Emotional Regulation & Mindfulness
Emotional regulation is about managing emotions using various techniques. Some of its techniques are mindfulness, emotional awareness, and healthy coping strategies. Practising these could make a person emotionally balanced. Regularly practising mindful activities like mindful breathing, gratitude journaling, moon gazing, spending time with nature, yoga, etc, can make them stable, strong and calm even in emotionally unstable situations.
Read More: Helpful Breathing Techniques for Meditation
6. Focus on Trust and Boundaries
Trust and boundaries are crucial for teens and parents’ healthy relationship development and well-being because they foster self-esteem and prepare them for healthy relationships by providing care rules for behaviour and ensuring privacy and personal care. Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of healthy boundaries. After establishing healthy boundaries, a child is creating a safe space for themselves and those around them. These boundaries develop to foster trust, respect and open communication. So, focusing on trust and boundaries could create a safer environment for a healthy relationship between the child and parents.
Conclusion
Now it can be concluded that the transition to adolescence is not just a milestone for children, but it’s also a milestone transformation for parents, too. However, during this phase, parents often face complex emotions and inner struggles that are valid, real and often silent. Generally, parents are trying to keep calm and suppress these struggling emotions. Recognising and addressing these emotions is essential. This struggle and challenging phase can also be a part of children’s growth, along with their parents. By conscious and continuous efforts, parents can continue to offer support, love, and understanding to their growing children whenever needed.
References +
Spring, B., Rosen, K. H., & Matheson, J. L. (2002). How parents experience a transition to adolescence: A qualitative study. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 11(4), 411–425. https://doi.org/10.1023/A:1020979207588
Shearer, C. L., Crouter, A. C., & McHale, S. M. (2005). Parents’ perceptions of changes in mother-child and father-child relationships during adolescence. Journal of Adolescent Research, 20(6), 662–684. https://doi.org/10.1177/0743558405275086
Laursen, B., Coy, K. C., & Collins, W. A. (1998). Reconsidering changes in parent–child conflict across adolescence: A meta-analysis. Child Development, 69(3), 817–832. https://doi.org/10.2307/1132206
Lengua, L. J. (2006). Growth in temperament and parenting as predictors of adjustment during children’s transition to adolescence. Development and Psychopathology.
