Children often feel the pressure to adopt a certain personality. They often feel the unnecessary need to act in a certain way that society expects from them. This is the pressure of fitting into the box. These standards are developed by peers, classmates, and social groups (Brooks, 2022). Children often pressure themselves to develop a pseudo-personality to meet social standards and gain others’ approval. This leads to an inner conflict inside them (Miller, 2022).
This unnecessary pressure affects their emotions, thoughts, and behaviour. It also influences how children see themselves. This creates a sense of doubt about themselves and their credibility (Carver, 2021). It contributes to silent struggles and suffering over time. Understanding their suffering and struggles may help children deal with this problem (Taylor, 2020).
The Roots of Unrealistic Standards
Children see others; they do what other people do by copying them. They do whatever is appreciated by others, and then they make it a daily routine (Santos, 2021). Many people tend to opt for the hypothetical or unreal scenes that they watch on social media. They try to fit into the so-called ideal life of social media glamorised by society (Harper, 2023). If they fail to achieve desirable results, it makes them anxious, and they doubt their self-worth (Carver, 2021).
How Pressure Shapes Identity
The identity of a child is influenced by the life they live daily. Small daily acts affect children and shape their identity (Brooks, 2022). They learn what they like and dislike through their life choices. The dominant choice in society may pressure children to hide their likes (Taylor, 2020). The fear of being isolated or not accepted as part of society may conceal the real things they enjoy and try to forcefully fit into a box.
Over time, this forceful act of adapting their preferences and choices may confuse them. Their actual identity gets lost somewhere between social pressure and meeting societal expectations (Miller, 2022). This creates a conflict or dispute between their actual personality and the adopted one. It leads to mental stress and anxiety in children (Carver, 2021). The constant struggle of fitting into the box makes children exhausted.
Common Signs of Identity Conflict
As a result of constant pressure to fit into the box, children may develop a conflict within themselves. Some signs can be easily observed, but others require deep consideration (Miller, 2022). Some hidden and not easily noticeable signs include:
- Change of habits and preferences
- Not being vocal about personal interests.
- Overthinking minor mistakes
- Seeking approval or validation from others (Carver, 2021)
- Ignoring likes and activities that make them happy
- Comparison with others (Harper, 2023)
- Self-doubt (Taylor, 2020)
In some children, these signs may be prominent to notice, while in others, they need observation. Helping such children and supporting them may reduce their anxiety and stress (Miller, 2022).
Read More: Cultural Identity Conflict and Its Impact on Mental Well-being
The Role of Social Groups
Social groups play a crucial role. People seek belonging within groups of friends, coworkers, or family. These groups give members a sense of identity (Santos, 2021). Children are no different; they yearn for connection and friendship.
Some groups might force people to act in a certain way. When this happens, it creates a conflict inside them (Santos, 2021). They feel pressured to follow the standards and rules created for a group, even if they are against their personality. If a child remains silent for this forceful adaptation, it creates emotional distance. They may not feel confident expressing their preferences. On the other hand, groups that allow children to prioritise their choices and not forcefully impose their preferences allow children to grow and have better mental health (Brooks, 2022).
Read More: How to deal with a Conflict?
How Family Expectations Influence Identity
Family expectations are deeply intertwined with identity. Family is the primary influence on a child’s sense of self (Dunn, 2020). While some expectations foster growth, others impose unnecessary burdens. To avoid disappointment, children may struggle to meet every demand, feeling pressured by rejection (Miller, 2022). To avoid this fear, they may sacrifice their own goals and prioritise others’ targets over their own interests.
Open conversations about how they feel, what they like and dislike, and what they want to do in their lives may help children reduce stress and anxiety (Dunn, 2020). Being open about others’ ideas and interests will motivate them to express their thoughts and choices.
Read More: The “Ideal Son” Trap: How Family Expectations Shape Mental Health
Why Digital Spaces Intensify Pressure
Digital spaces such as social media platforms often intensify this pressure. In a world of social media, where influencers shape the daily preferences and choices of followers, people often admire their on-camera presence (Harper, 2023). They compare their real life to the reel life of influencers. This comparison creates unrealistic beliefs and unnecessary pressure (Carver, 2021). They may glamorise the life of social media and not be ready to accept the reality behind it. The trending ideas influence children to adopt them and fit them into their lives on social media (Harper, 2023).
Read More: Effects of social media on children’s mental health
Emotional Impact on Children
Because of the identity crisis, children may be deeply affected. It has a great impact on children’s emotional health (Miller, 2022). They may feel ashamed of their choices, doubt their personality, and suffer mentally for not being what they are (Taylor, 2020). It puts great stress on the mental health of children, and they may feel anxious and depressed. It affects their performance; some may put extra burden on themselves to fulfil expectations, while others may get disheartened and give up (Carver, 2021). These overall traits are reflected in the personality and behaviour of children.
Healthy Ways to Support Children
Parents and siblings need to support such children who suffer mentally and make them feel comfortable and be themselves (Dunn, 2020). Some of the ways they can make children express themselves freely without the fear of being judged include:
- Listening without being judgmental
- Praising small efforts instead of being cynical
- Let children freely express their priorities and choices.
- Guide children not to compare their real life to others’ camera life (Harper, 2023).
- Encourage them whenever they want to do something (Brooks, 2022).
- Teaching Children to Challenge Unrealistic Standards
Children need to be taught to challenge unrealistic content online and unearth the real story behind social media content (Harper, 2023). They may be taught about fake and edited images that are not real. We need to teach children about diversity in the context of individuals that every person is different, and the image we see on social media might be different from the real one (Taylor, 2020). We should teach them that mistakes are part of life and that we learn from them. It’s an opportunity to correct oneself (Carver, 2021). When children learn these ideas at an early stage, it becomes easier for them to deal with identity conflict during the early stages (Miller, 2022).
Building Strong Inner Confidence
Children must be supported and encouraged whenever they achieve small things or try. It builds their inner confidence and motivates them to grow further (Brooks, 2022). They need to realise that growth takes time. Some may achieve early while others may take time. When the confidence of a child boosts, it overpowers identity conflict and self-doubt (Taylor, 2020). They become confident in their abilities and hard work. They stop forcefully fitting into the box created by others and being who they are.
Conclusion: Let Children Grow Beyond the Box
Identity conflict often appears when children feel pressured to meet unrealistic standards or to become versions of themselves that please others (Taylor, 2020). The fear of judgment or rejection can make them hide their true thoughts and feelings, slowly teaching them that acceptance must be earned through conformity. But adults can interrupt this pattern. With patience, gentle guidance, and consistent emotional support, they can help children feel heard and valued, encouraging them to trust their own voice rather than suppressing it (Dunn, 2020).
When children are given the safety and freedom to explore who they are, they grow up with a more grounded sense of confidence. They learn that they don’t have to shrink or bend to fit into a preset box, and that their authentic self has real worth (Brooks, 2022). This freedom not only strengthens their emotional foundation but also helps shape a healthier, more resilient future— one in which they carry the assurance that being themselves is enough.
References +
American Psychological Association. (2020). Publication manual of the American Psychological Association (7th ed.).
Brooks, J. (2022). Identity development in childhood. Journal of Child Growth and Development, 14(2), 45–59.
Carver, L. (2021). Social comparison and self-worth in children. Child Behaviour Review, 18(3), 112–124.
Dunn, P. (2020). Family influence on personal identity. Development Studies Quarterly, 22(1), 78–90.
Harper, S. (2023). Digital pressure and childhood self-image. Journal of Youth Media Research, 9(1), 33–50.
Miller, G. (2022). Understanding emotional conflict in early years. Child Wellness Reports, 11(4), 201–214.
Santos, R. (2021). Group belonging and childhood behaviour. Social Development Journal, 19(2), 66–81.
Taylor, H. (2020). The psychology of unrealistic standards. Human Development Insights, 7(3), 89–100.
