Between Love and Resentment: The Emotional Journey of Siblings of Children with Special Needs

Picture yourself as a kid who has a little brother or sister needing round-the-clock medical treatment, special tutoring and constant emotional attention. Along with tender moments of sharing and pride, there remain intangible undertows of resentment, guilt and isolation that make ordinary childhood challenges feel monumental. Everyone is only concerned with the child with the special need, but the siblings, “glass children” in the shadow of the spotlight, are quietly juggling adoration and anguish.

Their conflicted feelings create an emotional tightrope that’s rarely addressed, but profoundly potent. This article explores that intricate emotional landscape by drawing on research studies to unpack the emotional consequences, familial dynamics, psychological growth and coping strategies for siblings living between love and resentment.  

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The Push and Pull of Love and Resentment  

1. Contradictory Emotions  

Siblings often swing between intense love and sharp resentment. Haukeland et al. (2015) examined 58 children aged 7–17 with siblings facing rare disorders and found they experienced “contradictory emotions” surrounding medical procedures, family disruptions and social stigma. Proud moments at hospital visits were typically juxtaposed with frustration upon seeing their academics or friendships suffer from divided parental attention. Likewise,  Malcolm et al. (2014) indicated that two-thirds of the siblings indicated being pulled between rejoicing in their sibling’s resilience and struggling with unequal parental attention.  

2. Anxiety, Depression and Behavioural Strain  

These mood swings often translate into mental health issues. In a systematic review of children between the ages of 8 and 18, González and Isik (2024) discovered considerably greater levels of anxiety and depression in siblings of children with special healthcare needs.  This inner conflict is reflected in behaviour as well: between 4 and 11 years old, 52% exhibited irritability, aggression or withdrawal, rates significantly greater than control groups (Dauz  Williams et al., 2010). These repeated findings imply that disproportionate focus and neglect can drive enduring distress (Dauz Williams et al., 2010; Haukeland et al., 2015). 

Read More: Finding Balance: Managing Responsibilities After Parentification

The Hidden Dynamics of Parentification and Resentment 

1. Sibling-Focused Parentification  

Parentification, where a sibling steps into the caregiving role, can be a double-edged sword. A 2022 study in Frontiers in Psychiatry found that sibling-focused parentification fosters empathy and emotional closeness, but it also correlates with higher levels of distress, social withdrawal and diminished quality of life (Lecciso et al., 2022). The authors suggested a serial mediation model: caregiving load elevates sibling conflict and tensions between parent and child, which in turn increase emotional distress in the caregiving sibling (Lecciso et al., 2022;  Levante et al., 2024).

Likewise, Levante et al. (2024) performed a systematic integrative review, finding that caregiver burden frequently predicts worse sibling relationships and lower well-being, especially when emotional support is minimal. These revelations underscore how premature assumption of parental responsibilities can exacerbate sibling anger and lead to long-term mental health hazards.  

2. Me vs. Them: Differential Parental Attention  

When parents focus most of their energy, resources and attention on one child’s intricate sensory or communication demands, the other children tend to feel invisible. With time, this unequal attention can cultivate jealousy, financial pressure and emotional neglect (Malcolm et al., 2014; Levante et al., 2024). In such settings, the siblings feel like they live in the shadow of their brother or sister, deserving only to assist, not to be noticed or heard. Without conscious attempts to balance care, these angry sentiments can build up, subverting family harmony and leaving bonds between siblings strained.  

Read More: Psychology of Sibling Relationships: Understanding Their Impact

Growth Amidst Struggle  

1. Personal and Moral Development  

Though they face emotional difficulties, most siblings become even stronger. Findler and Vardi (2009) researched 101 teenagers (ages 13–19) with siblings with intellectual impairment and reported that they demonstrated significantly larger psychological development, fueled by self-differentiation and feeling special to their mother. Likewise, Wolff et al. (2022) identified that children with siblings diagnosed with severe emotional or behavioural disturbances tended to exhibit greater compassion, maturity and resourcefulness, particularly when they took care of their siblings or advocated for them.  

2. Resilience Through Empathy and Advocacy  

Empathy often grows into action. In a 2023 qualitative study of adolescents with siblings affected by rare genetic conditions, participants described taking on advocacy roles in schools and online communities. One teen reflected, “I’ve achieved such a great understanding of the special needs world…” (Heaton et al., 2023), showing broader efforts toward awareness and inclusivity.  

3. The Strength of Social Support  

Relationship is paramount. A 2022 systematic review found that high peer, extended family and school activity support was linked with lower depression and stress and better sibling coping (Wolff et al., 2022). Kirchhofer et al. (2025) also showed how group interventions between siblings and parents increased emotional well-being, emphasising family-based care.  

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Early Interventions and Practical Support Strategies  

1. School-Based Support  

Targeted school-based interventions with an evidence base work. Hayden et al. (2019)  evaluated Sibs Talk, a ten-session, one-to-one support programme for primary-school siblings aged 7–12 and found significant improvements in emotional wellbeing. Children involved in the program felt more accepted, emotionally literate and part of their school community. The program’s organised sessions on emotional identification, coping skills and sibling normalisation promoted belonging and emotional regulation (Hayden et al., 2019; Sibs, 2025).  

2. Family and Therapeutic Interventions  

Parents play the most important role in shielding siblings from their emotional unrest. The “glass child” idea—a brother or sister overshadowed by a sibling with disabilities- emphasises the need for equal attention and protection (Verywell Mind, 2023). Professionals advise open communication, therapy and parenting interventions to tackle parentification and perfectionism. Filial therapy provides siblings with committed time for emotional expression and self-esteem, alleviating distress and mixed boundaries (Verywell Mind, 2023).  

3. Involvement of the Medical System  

Healthcare workers, like paediatric nurses and child life specialists, are central to the care of frequent check-in siblings. Evidence supports routine mental-health screenings (e.g.,  paediatric symptom checklists) during children’s visits for detecting early warning signs of anxiety, depression or conduct issues (Jellinek et al., 2015). Family-centred care approaches help individualise early intervention and referral (American Academy of Paediatrics, 2024).  

Read More: In the Shadow of a Sibling: Understanding the Struggles of Glass Children

Social Barriers to Connection and Expression  

1. Social Exclusion and Shame  

Siblings are ashamed or embarrassed when their brother or sister behaves abnormally in public. In a qualitative investigation of adolescents with a sibling with a rare genetic disorder,  participants reported that they did not invite friends over or introduce peers to their sibling out of fear that they would judge them or not comprehend (Heaton et al., 2023). These emotions typically result in greater social withdrawal, not due to peer rejection, but due to the emotional cost and difficulties associated with their sibling’s condition (Heaton et al., 2023).  

2. Guilt and Emotional Load  

Guilt is also another emotional load siblings often bear. In a poll of 1,021 adult brothers and sisters of people with intellectual or developmental disabilities, more than half reported chronic feelings of guilt about meeting the needs of their sibling, which was associated with decreased closeness and more depressive symptoms (Smith & Jones, 2019).

Retrospective interviews among young adults who had a depressed sibling showed repeated themes of guilt about emotional distance, unreleased anger or lost opportunities to assist, usually with ensuing chronic worry and trouble asserting one’s own needs (Greenberg et al., 2023). These patterns demonstrate how guilt can insidiously build, leaving a permanent psychological burden. 

Read More: Parental Traits Linked to Severity of Neurodevelopmental Disorders

Sibling Relationship Quality-Catalyst or Challenge  

Sibling relationships in families with children who have special needs may both heal and hurt, capturing a paradox of emotional closeness and conflict.  

1. Strengthened bonds through caregiving

Many of the siblings in qualitative interviews with young adults explained that assuming an active caregiving role developed profound empathy,  heightened emotional intelligence and strong altruism towards their impaired brother or sister  (Wolff et al., 2022; Findler & Vardi, 2009). The individuals usually explained that they described their relationship as a special partnership that had influenced their identity and values.  

2. Strained ties under pressure

But caregiving burdens, when combined with few personal supports, can undermine closeness between siblings. Levante et al. (2024) noted that certain adult siblings feel burnout, resentment, and even distancing behaviour in adulthood, at times precipitating long-term conflict or estrangement. A 25-year longitudinal study of families with chronically ill children discovered that about 20% of sibling dyads had high relational stress at age 25 (Greenberg et al., 2023). 

The sibling relationship, therefore, lies on a continuum, from a bond created by shared adversity to tension created by emotional depletion. Whether or not the ties of siblings create aid or strain has to do with whether caregiving is accompanied by recognition, autonomy and emotional validation.  

Conclusion  

Siblings of children with disabilities frequently balance resentment and love, loving deeply yet silently carrying emotional loads. It is known from research that they are more susceptible to anxiety, guilt and behavioural problems, but also demonstrate excellent empathy, maturity and resilience. Acknowledging and validating these blended feelings is important. With strong family support, honest communication and exposure to counselling or peer help, these brothers and sisters can overcome adversity, not in spite of it. The path is not an easy one, but with compassion and knowledge, it doesn’t need to be isolating. 

FAQs  

1. Why do siblings of children with special needs often experience mixed emotions? 

Siblings often feel both love and resentment because while they care deeply for their sibling,  they may also feel overlooked, overburdened or isolated due to unequal parental attention and increased responsibilities.  

2. How can these emotional struggles affect a sibling’s mental health? 

Studies show that siblings of children with disabilities are more likely to experience anxiety,  depression, irritability and social withdrawal, especially when their emotional needs go unaddressed.  

3. What is parentification, and why is it significant in these families? 

Parentification happens when a sibling takes on caregiving roles typically reserved for parents.  While it may promote empathy, it also increases stress and emotional exhaustion, particularly when there’s little support.  

4. Can these challenging experiences also lead to positive outcomes? 

Yes, many siblings develop exceptional maturity, empathy and resilience. With the right support, their experiences often inspire advocacy, compassion and personal growth.  

5. What support strategies are effective in helping these siblings cope? 

School-based programs like Sibs Talk, family therapy, open communication, peer support groups and mental health screenings by healthcare professionals can significantly improve sibling well-being.  

6. How do sibling relationships evolve over time in these families? 

Sibling bonds may strengthen through shared caregiving or strain due to burnout and unresolved emotions. The quality of the relationship often depends on emotional validation,  support and autonomy offered throughout development.