Two people can say “I love you” to each other, but do they always mean the same thing? One partner might be describing an intense, all-consuming attraction, while the other might mean a steady, lifelong commitment built slowly over years. Psychologist John Alan Lee noticed this same variety in how people describe love and developed the Colour Wheel Model of Love in 1973 to capture these different shades of romantic affection (Lee, 1973).
Inspired by the variety of ways that colours can be combined, John Alan Lee proposed that just as the combination of red, blue, and yellow can be mixed to create all other colours, three primary forms of love combine to create the rest, and that these combinations help explain why people in relationships feel the way they do. Research has since supported these colour pairings, showing that the “love styles” Lee identified have measurable effects on a couple’s happiness and stability (Hendrick & Hendrick, 1986). This article explores the three primary and three secondary love styles in the model, along with the evidence linking them to how people feel about their partners and relationships.
The Three Primary Colours of Love
According to Lee’s theory, the three primary love styles combine to create the six love styles described in the model. The first, Eros, is passionate love, characterised by extreme attraction and a powerful sense of euphoria at the thought of one’s partner. People who experience Eros are intensely drawn to only one other person and wish to consummate that attraction as soon as possible, seeing their partner as an idealised version of themselves (Lee, 1973). The second, Ludus, is a playful, uncommitted love that values flirting and games over any possibility of exclusivity and long-term bonding.
Those who follow this style have no problem pursuing more than one partner at the same time and do not see a reason to commit to any one individual, viewing relationships as fun adventures that should not be taken too seriously (Lee, 1973). The third, Storge, is affectionate love, one that is comfortable and comes from being close to another person for a long time, as opposed to the sudden rush of passion. This is the most common love style that is generally seen in relationships where the partners already know each other well and choose to start dating after spending a considerable amount of time together (Lee, 1977).
Read More: The Psychology of Situationships: Why People Avoid Commitment
How Eros, Ludus, and Storge Shape Love
Just as red, blue, and yellow cannot be formed by combining other colours, Eros, Ludus, and Storge each represent stand-alone styles that can be mixed to create the rest, mirroring the artistic principles that inspired Lee’s model. People are rarely consistently one style, as most have a combination that leans more heavily towards one or two particular styles, and can even change throughout their lives or depending on the relationship. Hendrick and Hendrick (1986) later built upon Lee’s theory by developing the Love Attitudes Scale, which allows people to determine their dominant love style based on where they fall on a spectrum for each of the six categories. This has provided further validation for Lee’s initial observations, as decades of research using this tool have shown that most people generally lean towards one particular form of love more than the others.
When Colours Blend: The Secondary Love Styles
Lee proposed Eros, Ludus, and Storge as the three primary love styles and explained how people can combine them in different ways to create secondary styles with characteristics of the original three. The first of these, Mania, is the intensely possessive and jealous love that results from mixing Eros and Ludus. It manifests as desperate attempts to win a partner’s devotion and an inability to accept any possibility of rejection, with manic episodes fuelled by alternating highs and lows of passion and obsession (Lee, 1977).
Pragma, the practical love resulting from Ludus and Storge, is an unromantic approach to relationships that prioritises long-term goals and compatibility. People who follow this style are relatively unemotional about their relationships and pursue them primarily to meet certain criteria rather than out of a sense of romance or devotion (Lee, 1977). The final secondary love style, Agape, is selfless love, the committed, nourishing affection that comes from combining Eros and Storge. It is the most altruistic form of affection, in which people devote themselves to their partners regardless of their own needs and desires (Lee, 1977).
Read More: Jealousy and Envy: Difference of feelings
How Secondary Love Styles Differ
Each secondary love style has its own distinct manifestations and effects. But none are simply toned-down versions of the primary ones that comprise them. For example, just as mixing red and blue creates purple, a colour that is neither red nor blue, Mania manifests as an entirely different set of emotions and behaviours that are not simply an average of Ludus and Eros. Knowing which secondary love style one follows can help explain seemingly irrational behaviours, such as Mania’s tendency to become incredibly distraught when their partner does not return their advances or Pragma’s inability to see emotional connection as an important part of a relationship.
Agape’s manifestations, on the other hand, reflect an overly self-sacrificing approach to relationships that may prevent people from addressing their partners’ faults or holding them accountable when they act in unhealthy ways. Lee (1977) noted that these three secondary love styles are less common and more intense than the primary love styles, meaning their effects can be considerably stronger and more complex.
What the Colour Wheel Reveals About Real Relationships
Subsequent research has extensively validated Lee’s model and its six love styles. Hendrick, Hendrick, and Adler (1988) found that Eros and Agape correlated positively with relationship satisfaction while Ludus did the opposite, a discovery that was later supported by Hendrick & Hendrick (1989). Morrow, Clark, and Brock (1995) took the research a step further by testing love styles in couples, finding that those with high levels of Eros expressed more relationship satisfaction when both partners followed this style rather than one person’s Eros matching another person’s Ludus or Storge. In general, the studies conducted over the past 50 years have demonstrated that the love styles detailed by Lee do indeed impact people’s feelings about their relationships.
One of the most common misconceptions about the Colour Wheel Model is that people should use it in tandem with Sternberg’s triangular theory of love. This categorises relationships based on the presence and levels of intimacy, passion, and commitment (Sternberg, 1986). The two theories have very different frameworks, however, as Lee’s focuses on the differing shades of love people experience while Sternberg’s examines the components that make up a relationship. Both are right, but in different ways. Together, they show that psychologists have long since recognised what most people probably knew intuitively – that love is complex and multifaceted and that a couple’s relationship can never be entirely satisfying to both partners.
Conclusion
The Colour Wheel Model of Love is an effective way to think about the different feelings that people can have towards their partners and the different types of relationships they can be involved in. Eros, Ludus, and Storge, the three primary love styles that can be combined to create six total, each have unique characteristics and effects, and decades of research since Lee’s original theory in 1973 have helped validate these differences.
Notably, no two people will feel the same way about their relationships, but understanding one’s dominant love style and that of their partner can help explain why. The most important lesson from this model, however, is that people do not need to feel the same way to have a functional relationship; after all, no two shades of the same colour are ever identical either, but they tend to look better together in certain combinations than others.
References +
- Hendrick, C., & Hendrick, S. (1986). A theory and method of love. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 50(2), 392–402. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.50.2.392
- Hendrick, C., & Hendrick, S. S. (1989). Research on love: Does it measure up? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 56(6), 784–794. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.56.5.784
- Hendrick, C., Hendrick, S. S., & Dicke, A. (1998). The Love Attitudes Scale: Short form. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 15(2), 147–159. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407598152001
- Hendrick, S. S., Hendrick, C., & Adler, N. L. (1988). Romantic relationships: Love, satisfaction, and staying together. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 54(6), 980–988. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.54.6.980
- Lee, J. A. (1973). Colours of love: An exploration of the ways of loving. New Press.
- Lee, J. A. (1977). A typology of styles of loving. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 3(2), 173–182. https://doi.org/10.1177/014616727700300204
- Morrow, G. D., Clark, E. M., & Brock, K. F. (1995). Individual and partner love styles: Implications for the quality of romantic involvements. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 12(3), 363–387. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407595123004
- Sternberg, R. J. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychological Review, 93(2), 119–135. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.93.2.119
