Ever wondered why children learn things that we never really teach them?
Everyone teaches their children to speak the truth, talk kindly, and not to abuse; still, they learn to tell lies, yell at others, and swear. Ever thought about why this happens?
The reason is quite simple. Every human brain learns more from what it sees and less from what it hears.
Applied in our situation it simply states that children learn less from what we teach them and more from what we do. Now the question arises “why would we do the opposite of the morals that we want to teach our child?” Actually, we don’t do it consciously. No one does. It’s rather unconscious.
Look at this situation: You get an invitation call from your friend to a party that you don’t want to attend. What do you do next? You tell the friend a lie for not being able to come. Your child who is watching you would learn this ” telling lies is wrong but it can save you from unwanted circumstances”. to make it more complicated; unwanted circumstances according to you and your child have a very huge difference!
Now look at this scenario: you just finished reading some moral stories to your kid about keeping calm over getting mad. After a while, you yell at your spouse for something that upset you. As a result, you receive an apology which, makes you feel better. What did the child learn? Probably that keeping calm is good but getting mad and yelling gives you certain control over someone. Woah! you never wanted to teach that!
This is not just you. This is an issue that all parents face. Then what could be the possible solution?
It is simple. Don’t watch the child’s actions. Watch YOURS. The child will learn automatically.
Like the hermit who stopped himself first from eating sweets so that he could teach the same to a child, you also first learn yourself, include your morals in your lifestyle, watch the outcomes, notice when to be kind and when to be clever, then teach the child.
Teach the kid every side of your action: why did you do a certain thing, why did you speak in one specific manner, why did you had to lie, what were the consequences, what could have possibly happened if you would have taken another decision, teach everything and then let the kid create its own definition of right and wrong. Let the child blossom on its own. That is the best kind of teaching and the best kind of moral education.
Like everyone else, children too trust your actions more than your words. Therefore show them the right things despite simply reading bedtime stories to them.