How Guilt and Regret Shape Our Decisions, Character, and Emotional Well-Being

A central question of human psychology is whether and when people change for the better. It has long been believed that emotions are essential for self-regulation, but the part that certain emotions play in inspiring a desire for self-improvement has received less attention. Two separate but frequently combined self-conscious emotions, guilt and regret, are essential in forming a person’s moral compass and sense of self. These deep sensations are not merely fleeting feelings but deep-seated psychological processes that influence how one views oneself and motivate behavioural changes(Sirgiovanni et al., 2023).  

According to Sznycer (2018), these feelings are seen as self-conscious since they entail comparing one’s own behaviour or traits to a set of social or internal norms. According to  Laskoski et al. (2013), this self-examination enables people to evaluate their compliance with moral principles and societal standards, which in turn affects their future emotional reactions and behavioural changes.  

Read More: Human Psychology Theories on Personality Development

Nature of Guilt and Regret  

Primary emotions tend to provoke immediate, instinctive reactions, but guilt and regret involve more complex thinking — reflecting on ourselves and evaluating what we did or didn’t do (Oh et al., 2023). Guilt usually shows up when someone feels they’ve broken a social or moral rule and often pushes them to make amends (Muris et al., 2015). Regret,  however, is the sense that a particular choice or inaction led to a worse result (Wagner et al.,  2012).  

The nature of guilt and regret is complex as both are closely related, painful and affective self-conscious emotions that serve a self-regulatory function, yet they are critically distinguished by their social dimension and the focus of evaluation (Landman, 1987). But  despite the theoretical distinctions, the nature of guilt and regret can strongly overlap  conceptually:  

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1. Interpersonal Regret vs. Guilt

In situations involving interpersonal choices and high responsibility, the high correlation between the two emotions suggests that guilt and interpersonal regret may describe essentially the same core emotion. However,  regret can exist without substantial guilt (Wagner et al., 2012). 

2. Guilt Proneness and Regret

An individual’s general inclination to experience guilt is associated not only with generally enhanced ratings of guilt but also with regret.  Individuals high in guilt inclination tend to generalise their motivation to avoid guilt to all decisions, likely leading to minimising the occurrence of both guilt and regret.  This overlap suggests that existing questionnaires often do not unambiguously differentiate between the inclination to experience guilt versus regret (Wagner et al.,  2012). 

3. Guilt and Regret in Bereavement

Research comparing self-blame (a type of guilt)  and regret following a loss revealed that self-blame was a better predictor of the onset of depression or grief than regret. It was tied to longer-lasting grief (Stroebe et al.,  2014). Simply put, when emotions run high, how people process them depends a lot on whether they’re putting the blame on themselves or just wishing things had gone another way. 

Read More: How to Deal with Guilt Feelings?

How Do We Get Affected?  

Looking inwards and thinking about our choices is the source of guilt and regret. Through this self-analysis, we start understanding our identity, priorities and weaknesses. 

1. Guilt and the Productive Path

1. Motivation for Repair: Guilt signals behaviour that should be changed or modified. It motivates reparative action such as confession, apology and efforts to undo harm  (Tangney, Tracy & Robins, 2007).  
2. Predicting Character: Guilt-proneness is associated with positive outcomes such as better leadership, lower counterproductive behaviour and higher trustworthiness  (Schaumberg & Tracy, 2020).  
3. Learning Trajectories: More guilt-prone Individuals learn to avoid guilt and associated emotions by adopting a generalised loss-avoidant strategy. Whereas ones who are less prone to guilt use it as helpful information to adapt behaviour within similar contexts (Wagner et al., 2012).  

Read More: The Silent Apology: When People Repair Without Words

2. Regret and Learning from Mistakes

1. Avoidance Strategy: Experiencing regret motivates individuals to adopt strategies to reduce its recurrence, expressed in loss aversion (Wagner et al., 2012).  
2. Need for Self-Regulatory Abilities: The positive reflective function of regret requires adequate self-regulatory abilities to materialise. When self-regulatory abilities are low, the reflective function of regret may turn into dysfunctional brooding rumination rather than constructive problem analysis and learning (Sijtsema et al.,  2021).  
3. Regret Frequency and Well-being: Individuals who experience regret frequently often have lower life satisfaction. This suggests that frequent regret often signifies a failure to learn lessons from past behaviour rather than drawing many lessons from it  (Sijtsema et al., 2021).  

Self-agency is emphasised by the connection between guilt and regret and subjectively felt responsibility for unfavourable results. People who are highly prone to guilt tend to assign more responsibility and make stronger moral judgments, both about themselves and others  (Wagner et al., 2012). Regret, on the other hand, centres on missed opportunities without threatening one’s sense of self, while self-blame—a part of guilt—can intensify suffering and slow down recovery (Stroebe et al., 2014). 

Read More: How To Deal With Failure And Rejection?

Coping with Unhealthy Guilt and Chronic Regret 

In therapy, personal growth and learning, guilt and regret play an important role, specifically in guiding our moral choices and well-being. How helpful or harmful they are depends on our ability to reflect on ourselves and the world around us. 

Too much guilt is linked to disorders such as OCD, borderline personality disorder and depression, whereas frequent regret without adequate self-regulation can produce brooding rumination and lower life satisfaction (Sijtsema et al., 2021). Interventions seek to address trauma-related guilt or grief-related self-blame, improve self-regulation abilities, and change the attention from the self to behaviour (Oh et al., 2023).  

Educational interventions that stress emotional literacy help people differentiate between behaviour-focused guilt and maladaptive regret or global shame. To foster adaptive moral and emotional development, early socialising, guided introspection,  anticipating negative emotions, and mindfulness exercises are all beneficial. Children and emerging adults’ moral development and emotional resilience are further supported by temperament-appropriate constructive discipline that pays attention to vulnerability and humiliation (Tangney, Tracy & Robins, 2007). 

Conclusion  

Although moral judgment is not necessarily indicative of moral action, it is worthwhile to understand the moral judgments that guilt-prone individuals make, to better characterise the connection between these emotions, beliefs and the kind of actions they motivate.  Experiencing them motivates individuals to avoid their occurrence in future choices. This mechanism involves emotions shaping behaviour via feedback, anticipation and reflection  (Wagner et al., 2012).  

Guilt and regret help us grow by acting as little signals that guide our behaviour. Guilt nudges us to learn from mistakes and deal with problems directly, while regret gets us thinking about what could have been and how to make better choices next time. People who aren’t very guilt-prone usually learn from specific situations, while those who feel guilt a lot might try to avoid things more broadly (Sijtsema et al., 2021). Achieving equilibrium between shame and guilt can lead to significant behavioural changes and a deeper awareness of oneself. 

FAQs 

1. How do regret and guilt contribute to our identity?  

Self-conscious feelings like guilt and regret aid in our understanding of our identity, beliefs,  and decisions. They encourage us to better ourselves, force us to consider the consequences of our acts, and direct our moral judgments.  

2. What distinguishes regret and guilt from normal emotions?  

Unlike impulsive, fast feelings, regret and guilt require reflection on our behaviour and ourselves. Feeling guilty about breaking a rule typically results in making amends. Regret arises when we wish we had made a different decision, concentrating on lost chances rather than blaming ourselves.  

3. Can we grow and learn from regret and guilt?  

Yes! Guilt encourages us to make amends, foster trust, and refrain from damaging conduct going forward. Only when we can reflect constructively can regret help us learn from our past decisions and make better ones.  

4. At what point can regret and remorse become detrimental?  

An excessive amount of guilt can exacerbate conditions like depression or OCD. Regular remorse that isn’t properly thought out might become rumination and reduce life enjoyment.  Our capacity for self-awareness and self-regulation determines how we handle these emotions.  

5. How can we constructively deal with regret and guilt?  

Emotional education, personal development, and therapy can all be beneficial. Healthy moral and emotional development is facilitated by early socialisation, mindfulness, guided introspection, and learning to place more emphasis on behaviour than self-blame.

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