The Love That Drained Me: Codependency and Mental Burnout 

Relationships are a two-way street. They are a commitment between two people. It’s natural and normal to rely on each other. And both individuals often influence each other’s thoughts, feelings, choices, and decisions. While on one hand, it is absolutely perfect to rely on people for physical, emotional, and financial support, on the other hand, being in a codependent relationship harms the individuals as well as the relationship. 

Codependency is a specific, mostly negative, pattern of thinking and behaviour. A codependent person defines their self-worth on the basis of how others see them, and because of that, they put their all to help and please others, often while neglecting themselves. It is an unhealthy dynamic, one which can lead to burnout or resentment. Codependency can be unbearable, but there are ways to get out of it. Early recognition of the signs of codependency and getting proper help can all be useful. 

What is Codependency? 

Codependency in a relationship is when an individual puts others’ needs over their own. It’s more like a one-sided relationship, where one individual is pushed into the caregiving role, while the other’s irresponsible and/or destructive behaviour is supported or “enabled” by that individual. Thus, a codependent relationship has two people in distinct roles: the enabler (the caregiver) and the enabled (the one who needs that care). Both these individuals struggle to set boundaries. This is a condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy relationship by neglecting their own needs. Codependency essentially makes a person depend entirely on another for their feelings and sense of self-worth, which creates a fragile sense of identity that depends on how others view them (Bacon et al., 2018; Bacon & Conway, 2022; Seed, 2024).

Signs of Codependency 

Many signs can be looked out for to indicate a codependent relationship, some of which are: 

• Caring for other people at the expense of one’s own needs. 

• Pleasing others to seek validation. Overly relying on others for approval
• Compulsively needing attention from their partner (maybe like being needed by them or being useful to them) 
• Pushing their own emotions aside to be there for others
• Inability to set healthy boundaries
• Trying to fix people’s problems for them. And also feeling excessively responsible towards others
• Constant need for others’ approval
• Unable to take thanks and any other type of kindness
• Feeling unworthy, inadequate, and imperfect
• Struggle in forming and maintaining relationships
• They feel guilty when they stand up for themselves
• High levels of self-doubt
• Fear of abandonment
• Feelings of shame, hopelessness, sadness, and irritability 
• Exhaustion

Causes of Codependency 

Codependency can be caused by many factors, such as: 

• Low self-esteem and a reduced sense of self. 
• Pattern of self-sacrifice – if someone grew up in or around a codependent relationship, this behaviour would be normal to them. 
• Neglect and emotional abuse during childhood could cause an individual to develop in a way that prioritises others’ needs over their own.

Understanding Mental Burnout 

Burnout is a state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion caused by prolonged stress. Which could lead to a feeling of detachment, decreased motivation, negative attitudes towards oneself and others, and a sense of unaccomplishment (APA Dictionary of Psychology). Burnout can affect an individual’s physical and mental health. 

Burnout doesn’t happen immediately but is rather a gradual process that builds over time. People who are burned out constantly feel exhausted, hopeless, unmotivated, detached, lack enthusiasm, and have a sense of being a failure. Mental burnout often consists of issues concentrating, a depressed mood, feeling worthless, loss of interest or pleasure, self-doubt, etc. 

Codependency in a Relationship 

Codependency in a relationship is when two individuals mutually rely on each other (APA Dictionary of Psychology). Codependency could be an issue when an individual has excessive emotional or psychological reliance on another individual (often a partner, a parent, or a child, but could be anyone). 

There is often a power imbalance in a codependent relationship, where one person gives more time, focus, and effort to the other person, who lets them without reciprocating and thereby takes advantage of that. Codependent relationships can arise in almost all sectors of life, between romantic partners, parent-child relationships, and even between friends or coworkers. A codependent relationship is marked by blurred boundaries, excessive self-sacrifice, and an unhealthy amount of focus on fulfilling the partners’ needs while neglecting their own. 

How Could Codependency Cause Mental Burnout? 

Codependent relationships can lead to a lot of things over time. Some can immediately be seen while others may surface or be observed at a later time. These may include a loss of identity, low self-worth, difficulty in setting boundaries, fear of abandonment, etc. All these things could increase an individual’s stress. 

The inability to say “no” because that would disappoint others, the chronic need to fix situations to not be abandoned, pleasing people because that’s how others will give you approval, among other things that codependent people do, can all be mentally exhausting and just outright unbearable. This is how codependency becomes a loop where the individual pushes their own needs and desires behind to take care of others. In the midst of all, they forget to look out for themselves. Leading to an individual’s decreased sense of self and self-worth, making them question themselves entirely. This could affect their day-to-day functioning as well as their overall life, pulling them down. Hence, it becomes very important to break and overcome this vicious loop of codependency to grow and flourish in life. 

Breaking the Loop of Codependency

The first step to end a codependent relationship is awareness – to understand what it is, what is wrong, and its role in the individual’s life. Seeking professional help should always be prioritised and understood as important, but steps that individuals can take to change their behaviour are: 

• Know the difference between supporting versus controlling someone
• Focus on yourself
• Set boundaries. Learn how to say “no”, how to put your own needs over others’
• Spend time with yourself. It is necessary to understand what you need and take part in activities that you enjoy
• Build your self-esteem. Having a strong social network, improving your mental and physical health, and setting reasonable goals and expectations can help with that
• Support groups
• Ask for help. It’s okay to ask for help when needed, and try to understand what your own needs are.

While interdependence in a relationship is normal and natural, codependency is a vicious loop that would harm both partners. The traits associated with codependency have a profound impact on an individual’s life; they could especially lead to mental burnout. These people question their self-worth and have a diminished sense of accomplishment. Rather, they give their everything to care for the other, further harming their own identity. Codependency is often looked at as a coping mechanism developed because of the person’s childhood or early years. Hence, it becomes important to identify symptoms and seek help to form healthy relationships with others and themselves. 

FAQs 

1. What is Codependency? 

Codependency is a specific, mostly negative, pattern of thinking and behaviour. A codependent person defines their self-worth on the basis of how others see them, and because of that, they put their all to help and please others, often while neglecting themselves. 

2. How does Codependency exist in a relationship? 

Codependency in a relationship is when two individuals mutually rely on each other. A codependent relationship is marked by blurred boundaries, excessive self-sacrifice, and an unhealthy amount of focus to fulfil the partners’ needs while neglecting their own. 

3. How could Codependency cause mental burnout? 

A codependent individual pushes their own needs and desires behind to take care of others; causing them to forget to look out for themselves. Which could cause a decreased sense of self. Leading to exhaustion and eventually burnout. Which could have adverse effects on their entire life and all their relationships. 

4. What are some ways to overcome Codependency? 

Codependency can be overcome by professional help. But other steps to change one’s behaviour are focusing on oneself, learning to set healthy boundaries, building their self-esteem, engaging in activities they enjoy, etc.