Revamp your love life


It is an escape that rescues people on days when they are engulfed in loneliness. It is an analgesic that heals the aching soul after being battered by life’s challenges and it is a new lover’s adventure leading to spectacular discoveries. Also, It is an old couple’s routine and happiness in security. Despite its beauty and passion, love has its own challenges and hardships. Common relationship hurdles often reflect a lack of communication, which is literally the soul of a relationship. Without effective communication, frequent fights disrupt harmony and balance.

Navigating Love’s Complex Terrain

Some hurdles that a couple in love, may be tested on include sexual compatibility, parenting, extended family issues, respecting individual differences, etc. Whether it is searching for love, maintaining a romantic relationship, working on marriage or exploring being single, love is undoubtedly complicated. It presents a whirlwind of ups and downs, causing us to feel an array of emotions, oftentimes in the same moment. Depending on one’s approach towards love, it can be either an enriching experience or a draining one. Learning how to navigate one’s relationship with others can help one find real joy. Whether one’s relationship is just starting out or one has been with a partner for years, there are steps one can take to build a healthy relationship in love.

Despite past failures, struggles or heartbreaks, one can still learn to feel connected, fulfilled and happy. Most people describe their experience of falling in love as something that happens almost suddenly. While falling in love is comparatively easy, it is staying in love that requires commitment and work. In order to preserve the “falling in love” charm, partners need to learn how to maintain a healthy bond.

Also Read: Understanding the Triangular Theory of Love

Dynamics of Sustainable Love

A healthy relationship, once established, can be an everlasting source of strength, support, and happiness in one’s life. A loving partner can be the motivation for one to become their ideal self. Success in romantic relationships is heavily dependent on ongoing attention and commitment to sustain love. However, majority of couples today have a tendency to focus on their relationship only when a problem needs to be overcome. Once the problem is resolved, the focus is switched back to personal interests. If the health of the relationship is important to couples, they must learn to devote their attention and effort to it. One must try to find the answer to the question

Where does my relationship land on the spectrum of love?

Once there is clarity regarding where the relationship stands, one can begin work on introducing more affection and passion into the relationship.

Scars of love run deep, especially the ones born of jealousy, lies, and abandonment. A conscious rethink about relationships provides new perspectives and advice that can truly be life-transforming. For many people, it is difficult to come to terms with the fact that love is something that changes over time. If one’s idea about love does not evolve, an assumption of love being an eternal notion emerges. This assumption can be the downfall of even the most romantic and passionate relationships. No matter what one’s relationship status is, it is never too late to revamp your love life.

To ensure that relationships remain healthy without turning toxic, here are some tips to help one rethink certain ideas about love and develop skills required to maintain balance and harmony in relationships.

1. Clarify the definition of singlehood

The idea of seeking love and sharing moments with a partner is beautiful and cherished, but very few people are comfortable with the idea of being alone and doing it well. Being single can be a beautiful experience, depending on one’s perspective about it. One can remain single and yet feel wonderfully connected and surrounded by love. For people who make a choice to remain single, or are single and looking for love, redefining singlehood can change the lens through which life is viewed, thus opening the gates of enjoyable experiences. It is a common misconception that life cannot feel complete in singlehood. One can fill life with things that actually make them happy. As one becomes comfortable with the idea of being single, emotional maturity increases.

Being a mature, independent person before making commitment to a partner is definitely a goal worth considering. Feeling content with being alone is a crucial step toward preparing for a future – either with a partner or going solo. When a sense of security and happiness come from within ourselves, relationship satisfaction increases.

2. Be realistic about expectations from other people

When realistic expectations are set for other people, a healthy tone is set for those relationships.

Most often, individuals depend on fulfilled expectations for their happiness. While there is nothing wrong with that, the problem in expectations occurs when one expects something to happen without good reason for that expectation. For example, many people believe that expecting other people to behave the way they want them to will actually make them behave that way. If the other person has no interest in living up to that expectation, resentment creeps into the relationship. Expectations are premeditated resentments. One can set realistic expectations by learning their own limits, not over-promising, maintaining open communication, and explaining personal obstacles.

Also Read: Decoding Love-Related Confusion: Insecurity and Self-Esteem in Relationships

3. Talk it out

Deeper conversations containing honest disclosures about feelings are the glues necessary to hold relationships together and keep intimacy alive. Talking it out keeps fights from escalating and prevents resentment from taking over the relationship. As easy as it may sound, having honest conversations has its own struggles for some people. This is because it taps into the worst fears about rejection, judgment or abandonment by the partner. When a partner is avoidant or reactive about approaching certain subjects, it indicates an underlying issue. In such cases, seeking help from a counselor can provide support as one gradually overcomes past issues and learns healthy coping skills. Truly then, learning how to cut through the defensiveness to discuss underlying emotions can be a boon for relationships.

4 Learn soothing approaches

Conflicted couples often find themselves struggling to manage emotion and arousal, leading to feeling overwhelmed and agitated. Self-soothing is important because it allows a sense of relief to a person experiencing a wave of overwhelming feelings. Soothing skills allow couples to better deal with stressful situations and to recover faster after feeling overwhelmed. As different people have different ideas about what works the best for them when they need to calm down, soothing techniques vary from person to person. Some techniques include time out, talking and venting feelings, organisation and running errands, relaxation techniques, soothing environments (either imagined, visualised or experienced), exercise and distraction.

Also Read: I Love You But I Can’t Commit!

5. Fight in a healthy manner

It is true that no relationship is devoid of conflicts, but they do not always have to be emotionally distressing. As surprising as it may sound, couples can fight and disagree with each other while still being respectful and compassionate towards the other. Conflicts that are frequently heated and hurtful do not sustain relationships in the long run. If conflicts are dealt with in a constructive way, it can bring the couple closer. Conflicts can be navigated in a healthier manner by making small changes such as scheduling a particular time for conflict, calling a timeout if one of the partners requires it, learning the right way of apologising, making requests instead of complaints, actively listening and asking for clarification.

6. Discuss what infidelity means

With regard to sex and relationships, potential problems arise due to infidelity. While there are slight variations in the definition of infidelity, most people believe infidelity to involve sexual or physical betrayal. However, attention needs to be drawn to emotional infidelity which has the potential to sow the seeds of doubt and resentment, leading the downfall of a relationship. Very few people understand infidelity, but if they talk about it, they can begin to talk about it. One must be careful to not make cheating the focus, rather the couple must talk about how they can build a strong foundation, voice their needs and to respond when needs are not met.

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