Feeling Lonely in a Friend Group? Here’s What It Means and What to Do

Friend groups form a cornerstone of an individual’s social support system. They help one feel seen and heard, and even give them a sense of belonging. Why wouldn’t it be a positive experience to stand among like-minded individuals one cares for? Yet, more often than not, an individual can be surrounded by peers yet feel a discordant tug at their heart. It is almost as if they are only looking in at the familiar faces from the outside without having the required emotional bond. The phenomenon of isolation among friend groups is a painful reality that has plagued many. Being synonymous with ‘Social Isolation’ (SI) and ‘Loneliness’, this experience is a part of the ‘Loneliness Epidemic’, which has been deemed a global public health concern by the WHO (Johnson, 2023). Yet, it remains severely unexplored (Muralikrishnan & Balasundaram, 2025), leaving little room for individuals to share their experiences and feel seen. 

What Causes Isolation Despite Being Surrounded by ‘Friends’? 

The feeling of being invisible among friends does not involve physical solitude but refers to a gnawing feeling of emotional distance. Despite being a part of all group chats, plans, photos and more, one can still feel as if they are not truly engaging and only living up to a role. This debilitating feeling can arise for several reasons, especially since friendships, like any other relationship, are dynamic. A few common reasons include:

1. Degree of Connectedness: 

Friend groups often function as a singular unit, engaging in various tasks together. This can involve studying, working, partying, gossiping and many other activities. Yet, involvement in such activities without exploration of emotionally meaningful territory leaves the bonds feeling hollow and superficial. The lack of emotional closeness can leave an individual feeling empty. One may be able to laugh at quick-witted jokes and pop culture references in a group setting, yet may feel unsatisfied because the conversation never amounts to anything more than that. 

2. Anxiety and Past Experiences

Statistically, negative friendship experiences and loneliness are common during adolescence (Twenge et al., 2021) and can shape internal dialogue for the foreseeable future. These negative experiences can lead to feelings of anxiety in social settings and even prime an individual towards signs of exclusion or abandonment, making them more sensitive. Social anxiety leads to a fear of intimacy and is associated with greater feelings of loneliness (Mueller & Cougle, 2022), which can thwart one’s experience in a friend group. 

3. Roles within the Group

It is in the inherent nature of a group for individuals to assume roles, which naturally develop with time. The ‘mom’ of the group, the ‘comedian’, and the ‘rebel’ among many more are some of the commonly observed roles in peer groups. The assumption of these roles in a permanent manner leaves little room for those who are passive or assume peripheral roles. It can create an invisible hierarchy, allowing an individual to feel excluded or unimportant in the group dynamics. The flaw does not lie within the assumption of roles, but rather the pattern of reinforcement, which suggests that one is replaceable or less valued.

4. Evolving Nature of Humans 

Every individual has unique experiences that can lead to an evolution in their values, behaviours, and belief systems. Many friend groups are formed based on similar values or experiences. The constant nature of humans to change, especially during transitional periods of life, such as adolescence and adulthood, can also lead to misalignment among friends. Opting for different growth paths and the prioritisation of varying goals can weaken emotional bonds and even make an individual question whether they truly belong in friend groups that don’t align with them anymore.

5. Social Media

While many believe that social media has allowed the maintenance of friendship to become easier, it cannot be denied that it has also weakened emotional connectivity (Msj, 2021). Online presence in the form of streaks, memes, and likes does not always translate into real-world intimacy, allowing an individual to feel emotionally unsupported despite portraying close friendship.

Read More: How to spend less time on Social Media? and activities to do Instead

6. Comparison and Insecurity 

Internal struggles with insecurity, where an individual feels that they are always less than those who surround them, can make it very difficult for them to thrive in friend groups. They may compare themselves with their friends and think of themselves as inferior, leading to slow and silent isolation on the assumption that one is simply not enough. They may begin to believe that they are simply a part of the background of their more highly achieving friends.

Signs of Feeling Isolated in Friend Groups

While most individuals will be quick to recognise negative feelings and experiences concerning their friend groups, they may fail to recognise them as signs of social isolation. A few signs could be: 

1. Being dismissed or ignored in the friend group.
2. Hesitation in expressing emotions freely or being vulnerable around them.
3. Feeling drained after spending time with the friend group. 
4. Constant doubts and overthinking arise regarding membership and participation in the group.
5. Feeling discomfort in the presence of the friend group allows one to prefer solitude over company.
6. Feeling left out because one is usually the last to know about things and does not understand certain references or inside jokes. 
7. Feeling that one needs to abide by a certain role in the group without being able to freely express oneself. 

How to Deal with Feeling like an Outsider Despite Being a Part of the Friend Group?

Realising that one truly feels like an outsider in their friend group can be a harsh reality that one has to deal with, leading to the rise of a wide variety of negative emotions and self-doubt. Yet this experience does not always need to amount to the cutting of ties or exiting the friend group. It can be dealt with in several ways, which can help not only fix existing emotional bonds but also deepen them.

1. Introspection: 

A healthy way of truly discovering how an individual feels, especially regarding such complex situations, is to begin with self-reflection. Instead of reacting on impulse, one can explore their emotions without judgment. Allowing oneself to acknowledge their own emotions without blaming oneself for it can lead to realisations and help differentiate internal struggles such as anxiety, inferiority and unhealthy attachments, with external problems such as exclusion.

2. Establishing Healthy Communication: 

After understanding one’s feelings, one can convey them to a trusted member of the friend group. To prevent this conversation from turning into an unhealthy confrontation, both parties involved must actively listen without judgment and express empathy. It cannot be guaranteed that this conversation will lead to positive outcomes, but depending on the response received, one can decide if they truly wish to continue their friendship in the group or move away from it.

3. Taking a Stand: 

In cases where the efforts fail to address the feelings of isolation, it can be detrimental to stay in a group that no longer aligns with one. While it may be extremely difficult to distance yourself from individuals who were once considered friends, it is important to prioritise your own needs, feelings and boundaries. 

4. Acceptance without Blame: 

A healthy way to deal with the harsh reality of no longer aligning with your friend group can be to accept the fact that individuals often outgrow each other. Even if feelings of isolation arose because of deliberate actions of exclusion, it can be beneficial to let go of resentment to move on..

5. Building New Connections: 

An individual can begin to find and form social circles, which will help them feel whole again. Aligning oneself with individuals who can give one the desired amount of emotional connectivity can help repair that which was previously damaged. Exploring diverse connections can also help one understand that a singular friendship need not meet all of one’s emotional needs and that one can seek varying levels of connection from different groups. 

The experience of feeling isolated in a friend group can hurt one’s well-being. It can also be beneficial to seek professional support to help navigate the complex emotions that come with this struggle. 

Conclusion

Feeling isolated in a group that is supposed to make you feel safe, loved and understood is a painful experience, but it doesn’t mean that it is the end. It doesn’t even mean that one is alone because this experience is such a common phenomenon. It is just a call for self-reflection and healthy communication, which will help one establish emotional intimacy and be true to oneself among friends. 

FAQs

1. Is it normal to experience loneliness in a crowd? 

Yes, it is normal to feel lonely even when physically surrounded by people. While it may be undesirable to feel so, it is a common phenomenon because physical presence does not amount to the emotional intimacy that an individual might crave. 

2. How do I politely leave a friend group?

To leave a friend group can be a difficult choice to make, but it may serve an individual greatly if the friend group no longer aligns with them. One can begin with introspection of their underlying feelings before beginning. Once sure, they can start by having a conversation without blame and slowly emotionally distance themself. They can handle the situation with respect and dignity by realising that their feelings are valid even if others can not understand them. 

3. How do I build better friendships?

It can be difficult to start afresh and avoid falling back into old patterns of friends. Yet, being in touch with one’s needs, it can help one look for connections that truly satisfy all their criteria. One can do so by befriending individuals with similar hobbies, values, and growth paths or even online communities. 

4. How to cope with loneliness after leaving my friend group?

Leaving a group of friends for any reason is a painful experience that will be followed by self-doubt, loss of confidence and even loneliness. These feelings can be dealt with by connecting with oneself and acknowledging feelings. One can also seek support from other trusted peers or simply seek professional help. The most important step would be not to allow past negative experiences to ruin efforts to form better connections.