Do you ever feel ashamed or regret after oversharing with others? You share your emotions, feelings, and personal experiences that you later regret, and wish had stayed private. This regret sometimes hits a person hard if their self-concept does not align with how they want to see themselves. Self-concept refers to how you perceive yourself, which plays a significant role in regret after oversharing (OpenStax, n.d.). This article finds out how self-concept influences regret. It explores why oversharing becomes risky when your identity does not align with what you shared with others.
What is Self-Concept?
Self-concept refers to the mental image you hold of yourself. It is how you perceive yourself. This image emerges from your personality, behaviours, attitudes, traits, and social identity (Handayani et al., 2020). Self-concept develops and shifts through personal growth and changing life experiences.
A clear and strong self-concept boosts confidence. When individuals have a strong and positive self-concept, they feel happy and motivated. On the other hand, a weak and unclear self-concept, the image of yourself in mind, weakens your confidence level and makes you feel insecure. It puts them in doubt and increases their anxiety level and stress (BMC Psychology, 2025). Therefore, self-concept is not static; it evolves and changes with changes in interactions, experiences, and growth.
Read More: Exploring Self-Concept, Authenticity, and Self-Esteem in Humanistic Psychology
What Is Oversharing and Why Do People Do It?
Oversharing means giving too much information about your personal life. It can include information about personal experiences, emotional challenges, family life, and intimate moments (Computers in Human Behaviour Reports, 2022). Sometimes people feel comfortable sharing information online through digital spaces. Such individuals usually do not prefer or feel comfortable discussing their personal lives face-to-face. This is referred to as the online disinhibition effect (UNAIR News, 2022).
Many people overshare about their personal lives for the sake of attention or validation. They may reveal personal or private information to others to gain sympathy and others’ attention. They can grab the attention of others, but most of the time, such people regret it later on for being too vocal about their private lives (Forbes, 2023). Sometimes, people may overshare impulsively and regret it.
When Oversharing Conflicts with Self-Concept
Oversharing can create a clash. The version of yourself you project, emotionally open, vulnerable, or dramatic, might not match the version you believe yourself to be.
Sometimes oversharing can come into conflict with self-concept. The picture you project of yourself may not be the same as you are in reality. Psychological theories help explain this clash. According to self-discrepancy theory, people compare their actual self (the self they are in reality) to the ideal self (the one they wish to be) or the ought self (who they think they should be) (Zhang et al., 2021).
If what you share publicly does not align with your actual or ideal self, you may feel uneasy. This mismatch could trigger regret. When the actual self of a person does not align with their ideal self, it may trigger regret (Zhang et al., 2021). In this case, individuals may lose their self-confidence, which increases their anxiety level. They do not have a confident image of themselves and find it harder to decide what should be shared and what should not.
Social Context and Self-Image Pressure
Our self-concept is not only influenced by our personal thoughts and beliefs, but also by how we believe others think about us. This means we incorporate others’ opinions about us into our self-view, a view which we know as reflected appraisal (OpenStax, n.d.). On social media, this can magnify pressure to perform. Oversharing may feel like a way to show a version of yourself that you hope others will accept or admire (Díaz Ferreyra et al., 2023).
This creates pressure on us. When we overshare, we increase others’ expectations of us, and to fulfil those expectations, we feel pressure. Such individuals believe they need to fulfil this criterion; only then will they be admired or accepted by society. If they fail to meet those expectations and requirements, they feel anxious and stressed. It increases their regret (See You, See Me, 2015).
Additionally, oversharing also reveals information about you that was supposed to be private. Private issues become public. It also damages self-identity and harms the trust and image of a person (Naghizade et al., 2024).
Emotional Outcomes: Regret, Shame, and Guilt
When oversharing causes a gap between public image and private self, negative emotions can follow. Oversharing can trigger negative emotional outcomes. According to research studies, people often feel ashamed and regretful after oversharing if their actual identity does not match their ideal self (Zhang et al., 2021). It increases the stress, and people may hide themselves and stop being social.
In some cases, this regret can lead to personal growth. People may self-reflect and change their habits and lifestyle. But in most cases, an unclear self-concept stresses a person and makes them feel doubtful about their worth. This emotional pain harms a person and shakes their confidence. It makes them feel lonely and demotivated (Díaz Ferreyra et al., 2023).
Why Self-Concept Clarity Matters
The clarity of self-concept is important because individuals understand their worth, values, boundaries, identity, and personality traits (BMC Psychology, 2025). It makes it easy for them to understand what matters to them and what does not.
This clarity makes it easier for them to share selected information about their lives. The chances of impulsive sharing are lower, and they only share information that aligns with their real self (Handayani et al., 2020). This alignment reduces the risk of regret. They feel more confident in their choices. They accept themselves flaws and all without needing external approval.
When they share selected information, the chances of regret become minimal. They feel more confident about their life. Whatever they post online, they know it reflects their true personality. A clear self-concept reduces stress. Individuals tend to accept their flaws and easily manage and overcome negative comments, expectations, and social anxiety (OpenStax, n.d.).
Read More: Impact of Personality Traits on Cognitive Abilities
Tips to Avoid Regret After Oversharing
Here are some practical ideas:
- Before sharing information, ask yourself multiple times if you really want it to be public or whether it aligns with your actual personality (Forbes, 2023).
- Define clear boundaries about what needs to be shared and what does not.
- Know yourself. Be clear about your self-concept, your values, and identity.
- Share with people whom you trust. Don’t share with everyone.
- Don’t share information when you feel hurt, emotional, or excited. Let your nerves calm.
Conclusion
Our self-concept plays a powerful role in shaping both our inner sense of identity and the image we present to others. In online spaces, where sharing feels quick and effortless, it can be tempting to disclose more than we intend. Oversharing often happens in moments of emotion or when we seek connection, yet it can create tension when what we have shared doesn’t fully reflect who we are (Computers in Human Behaviour Reports, 2022). This disconnect can lead to regret, embarrassment, or the feeling that we have lost control over our own narrative.
Developing a clear and stable understanding of ourselves helps prevent these moments. When we know our values, boundaries, and emotional needs, we are better equipped to choose what to reveal and what to keep private. Thoughtful sharing not only protects us from unnecessary stress but also supports healthier, more authentic interactions with others. As we continue to navigate digital environments, self-awareness becomes a tool that keeps us grounded, helping us communicate in ways that honour our true selves while avoiding the discomfort that oversharing often brings (Handayani et al., 2020).
References +
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Zhang, X., Zeelenberg, M., Summerville, A., & Breugelmans, S. (2021). The role of self-discrepancies in distinguishing regret from guilt. Self and Identity, 20(3), 388–405. ResearchGate
Naghizade, E., Ji, K., Tag, B., & Salim, F. (2024). Inside Out or Not: Privacy Implications of Emotional Disclosure. arXiv. arXiv
Díaz Ferreyra, N. E., Shahi, G. K., Tony, C., Stieglitz, S., & Scandariato, R. (2023). Regret, Delete, (Do Not) Repeat: An Analysis of Self-Cleaning Practices on Twitter After the Outbreak of the COVID-19 Pandemic. arXiv. arXiv
OpenStax. (n.d.). Factors Affecting Self-Concept. In Fundamentals of Nursing. OpenStax
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