Imagine a child questioning and doubting their self-worth because of a flashback from their childhood when someone told them not to waste time on showing them a silly drawing and telling them what nonsense it was. Imagine this child who was demotivated by their caregivers, and now those flashbacks are hitting their mind. It’s an overall experience they are associated with, and it stays in their minds ever since they were given such remarks (Miller, 1997). And these remarks hit them throughout their life. It demotivates them when they want to achieve something in their life.
They question their self-worth and doubt if they are literally worth doing it. Over time, it shapes their self-identity and how they see themselves. Childhood validation, or being accepted as they are, or the lack of it, plays a crucial role in how people value themselves as adults (Bowlby, 1988; Harter, 2012). Studies have shown that early social activities greatly affect confidence and better health. This study shows how childhood reshapes a person’s identity as a younger person and how they structure themselves at a younger age (Orth & Robins, 2014).
Childhood Validation: What Is It?
The way parents see a young person’s basic needs, emotions, and opinions refers to the fact that they are a child. This thing does not mean appreciating them all the time. Rather, it entails recognising feelings and demonstrating the importance of the child (Linehan, 1993). In childhood, validation frequently takes the form of:
- Seeing a youngster communicate their emotions
- Knowing and making their feelings real without any guilt.
- Providing consolation in trying situations
- Encouraging work rather than merely results
When a younger person gets emotional support on a daily basis, they get to the point where they feel well, and they are important. Attachment theory says that these responses create a strong sense in a kid of who they are (Bowlby, 1988). However, repeated rejection or criticism might teach children to ignore or doubt their inner feelings (Miller, 1997).
Validations help children understand that they are important and their presence makes a difference. According to attachment theory, validating and assuring children of their worth helps them develop a solid sense of their identity (Bowlby, 1988). On the other hand, if children receive multiple rejection and demotivating remarks, it puts them in doubt, they question their worth, and hurt their feelings (Miller, 1997).
Read More: The Guilt–Shame Cycle: How Body Talk in Indian Families Shapes Self-Worth
The Connection Between Self-Worth and Validation
Self-worth refers to the way people see themselves and value their presence. Children develop a sense of self-worth from early childhood. Research studies indicate that early relationships influence helping children understand their worth (Harter, 2012). Children are likely to store and internalise the opinions of others from early childhood, and they begin to see themselves through the lens of others (Bowlby, 1988).
According to research, Higher self-esteem in adulthood is associated with loving and accommodating parenting (Orth & Robins, 2014). Later in life, low self-worth and self-criticism are linked to emotional neglect (Liu et al., 2020). Children who are validated learn to trust their emotions and decisions. Over time, this trust grows into a consistent sense of self-worth. In the absence of validation, one’s sense of self-worth may be heavily reliant on approval from others (Rogers, 1961).
Consequences of Invalidated Childhood Environments
Not all instances of invalidation seem serious. Invalidation does not necessarily have to be harsh and serious demotivation. Even simply preferring one person over another and comparing them in terms of their qualities, skills, education, and potential can also hurt the feelings of children and may harm their mental and emotional health (Linehan, 1993). Typical long-term effects include:
- Rigorous self-doubt and a strange feeling of making mistakes
- Having problems setting boundaries
- Strict need for external approval
- Feeling “not good enough” despite achievements
People from an insecure society may find it difficult to realise their basic needs since they are taught from an early age that their mental well-being is not important (Miller, 1997). Siegel and Bryson (2012) claim that many parents give care to their younger as they received in their childhood.
Attachment Styles and Adult Self-Worth
According to the attachment theory, children develop early relationships that shape the image of their worthiness. The attachment styles of children depend on how their elders respond to them and either validate or invalidate their feelings (Bowlby, 1988). They develop strong bonds when their parents give over attention. On the other hand, weak bonding is developed by younger people if their parents do not value their emotions.
Studies have shown that good bonding gives way to confidence that leads to greater emotional stability (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007). On the other hand, a weak bond leads to anxiety and depression (Cassidy & Shaver, 2016). It affects younger people’s relationships with their parents and the way they see themselves. Realising children’s feelings by their parents helps them achieve success in life (Siegel & Bryson, 2012).
Read More: Parenting Styles and Moral Development in Early Childhood
Can Adult Self-Worth Be Rebuilt?
It is good that self-realisation is not rigid. Studies have shown that adults can develop better and improved self-realisation through balanced relationships (Orth & Robins, 2014). Therapy, self-reflection, and emotionally safe connections can provide validation once missing. Fruitful steps include accepting other people’s emotions, giving oneself self-respect and avoiding self-questioning (Neff, 2011). Being in a relationship that seeks respect, and questioning pre-adult beliefs formed in a younger age. Neuroscience research suggests that the human brain adapts throughout one’s life to the changing situations, allowing them to reshape new patterns of emotions (Siegel, 2015).
Read More: Am I Enough?” Understanding How Conditional Love Shapes a Child’s Inner World
Conclusion: The Significance of Childhood Validation
A child’s thinking is shaped by the way they were treated in childhood. This thing also went into adulthood. Younger people tend to form their self-image the way they are treated at a younger age (Bowlby, 1988; Harter, 2012). When a child takes other people’s opinions in a positive way, it leads them to focus on their individuality. On the other hand, when a boy gets continuous rejections, it demotivates him. They start questioning themselves (Miller, 1997). Therefore, parents must make their childrenrealisee their existence. This thing will not make them get more in life and boost their confidence.
References +
Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base: Parent-child attachment and healthy human development. Basic Books.
Cassidy, J., & Shaver, P. R. (2016). Handbook of attachment: Theory, research, and clinical applications (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.
Harter, S. (2012). The construction of the self: Developmental and sociocultural foundations. Guilford Press.
Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of borderline personality disorder. Guilford Press.
Liu, R. T., et al. (2020). Childhood emotional neglect and adult self-criticism. Journal of Affective Disorders, 263, 362–369.
Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2007). Attachment in adulthood. Guilford Press. Miller, A. (1997). The drama of the gifted child. Basic Books.
Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion and psychological well-being. Self and Identity, 10(1), 1– 20.
Orth, U., & Robins, R. W. (2014). The development of self-esteem. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 23(5), 381–387. Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2012). The whole-brain child. Delacorte Press.
