What make relationships fall apart?

What make relationships fall apart?

It is an extremely significant question: “Why does that initial spark between two persons in a relationship diminish and eventually vanquish within the span of a few years?”. Two persons are still the same, and so are their common goals and aspirations. But why is that element called love, goes missing all of a sudden? It is a very vital question whose answer is still on the search list for many. 

One thing that we all believe is that relationships are one of the most challenging facts of our life. Sustaining a relationship is harder than building one with a person. Often our focus mainly lies on how to get a person into one's life. But have we ever focused on what after that? The constant learning process and growing in a relationship with each other requires dedication, commitment, and a little bit of hard work. As days pass, the interest level slowly and gradually reduces. And it happens in almost every relationship. So who was once the "power couple" also sails in the same boat, unlike others. The rise of conflicts and endless discussions takes place between the couples, and slowly the love which they had for one another falls apart. Some of them even think of giving it a call off. The same two people who keep an opinion of their faded love now were the ones who used to be on cloud nine during the initial moments. The intoxication with the idea of love feels excellent for them previously. But now, the same feeling of love has turned into a war zone for each other. We always create our own set of reasons for being the best pair one can ever imagine. That is indeed true for everyone who is in love. It is an illusion for every couple that they are in true love. As we create our own epic love stories, we wonder why other relationships don't act as we do. But tardily, the delusion of in-love gets out-of-love by making the ends loose from both sides. Many times it happened that we do listen to some great pieces of advice which come our way. But how often do we try to follow them? So the thing which makes us faulty in our part is that when we are in love, we at first hand assume that it is unbreakable and it will last till eternity. We need to be more realistic on this front that even though we are in love, our choices can't be the same or that particular person can't think on the same level as we do. Mind it, two people here are not being hypocritical at all. The mirage that we create of our partner is a self-obsessed one. Undoubtedly, we set up that mirage in our minds, because we love ourselves as well and probably, more than we do in the case of our partners. That is the reason why we often pre-fix things on our head regarding our respective partners. When the whole experience of being in-love has taken its natural course, then our hallucination sees reality, and we fall out of love. The same person turns out to be an alien in our own story, and we feel that our partner has changed over time. But is that so, or is there something else?

One simple thing is that two people at the time of dating or in the initial stages of a relationship do various kinds of stuff that their respective partners would like. Then, they either stop doing or reduce the extent of doing those things. Their small gesture and efforts that once drew each other’s attention now begin to miss its true essence or flavor. We must not forget that love besides a feeling, is a language. Just as any different native language, there is also a language of emotional connection that joins two hearts. But it doesn't necessarily mean both the partner's love dialects need to be the same. We determine emotional quotient by love dialects, and those are words of affirmation, quality time, and acts of services, gifts, and physical touch. So when we are in a relationship with our partner, it is necessary to understand each other's language apart from our native one. It helps in making our relationship grow strong with the significant other.

Many of them feel that their partners have stopped loving them by acting differently. But how far are we from the truth? We must realize that in the preliminary stage, we have picked up the other person stationed on these love dialects. So we should have a proper understanding of the dialects in which our partners will love to respond back to us. For example, if your partner's love lingo is quality time and you are giving gifts, they might feel that void or let's say if your partner loves gifts and you are doing something opposite to that, then he/she might not feel pampered. The fact lies that most relationships fall apart with time because they fail to understand the importance of one's basic needs. We think that we are doing our best, so why isn’t it generating any positive results for our relationships. The positive outcome would come with the satisfaction of your partner's needs. We always act based on our needs and that is not the correct way of dealing with it. When we think it is our way, then it is just for us, and our respective partners might not like the act of gesture even though it is a correct one. That might lead to grievances and an empty love reservoir for the other person. When the vessel of our love is vacant, we have a feeling that we are not wanted anymore, and we also feel lost. The so-called love for the other person falls apart. After spending so many years, we decide to relinquish the sufferings that this relationship is bringing to us.

Love is an act of request and not an order or demand. Also, it's a great communicator in a relationship. If you love someone, then you have to communicate it adequately. It is something that you do for others and not for your own self. We imbibe our close people's fundamentals of love, especially our family and friends. We think that the same formula will solve our equation every time. We must know that we are dealing with a person who is altogether different from the people we have grown up seeing. So we have to act in a manner of empathy rather than demanding anything from them. Hence when we see our relationships taking a disagreeable course of action, then it is wise to ask for remission and do otherwise the next time. Asking for forgiveness in a relationship will only uplift the degree of your stature, and also will help you to understand the love language of your partner that can make your relationship way better. So, to conclude, it is not always the person, but the language they hold for an emotional connection is what really matters in true love.










About the Author

Rima Barua Chowdhury
working professional.

Hi, My name is Rima Barua Chowdhury. Apart from pursuing the course of my life, I have a bent towards writing. That is more related to psychologica

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