They say it will be okay but when?
Have you ever said ‘Don’t worry everything will be fine’ to someone you care about?
Do you say that often to the people who you feel bad for when they go through pain, confusion, accusation? Then you are not helping them. This won’t make them fine. This won’t make them feel any better. They need someone to share their concern with. Did you just tell yourself that you do listen to their story? Then you are not helping them. This won’t make them fine. This won’t make them feel any better. They need someone to understand what they are going through? Did you just tell yourself; you try to understand? Look, it’s defined that when someone is going through an emotional turmoil they are not in state or even expectation to believe that someone would even get them the way they feel. Its easy to hear someone cry out, it’s easy to tell them to have faith, its easy to say let go.
For whom? Its easy for us. We are pacifying them but we can’t feel their feelings. Is that what came into your head right now. Absolutely!
We sometimes feel that being someone’s best friend, closest pal or family, there is no one better than us who could understand the concern of that person who is feeling turmoiled. However, it’s not true. We may act as their comfort zone however, this comfort zone becomes suffocating after a period, not only for them but for us too. People loosely use the term ‘counselling’. To speak as ‘I myself have been counselling him/her’ or; who can be a better counsellor than me for s/he is my buddy.’ Well, it’s a respected fact that in our difficult times, we need our closest people to support, comfort and guide us. However, it’s just not counselling. Counselling as a process is a professional delivery of facilitation and empowerment without being suggestive, without being knit to the idea that time will heal everything.
It doesn’t mean that it’s mechanic in nature. It absolutely holds value for the person in distress as well as the facilitator. This is a space for the distressed to be vulnerable without judgement, opinion and labels. Sensitively, language is chosen to mirror it back to the client (person in distress) where subconscious gains happen. These gains indicate that all the self-sabotage and enthroned belief systems that the client holds is being melted in a way that cannot be touched or seen but just felt in time.
For this, there are professional skills of counselling required for the counselling psychologist to dig & wipe the unneeded baggage of the client. With scientific basis in hand, counselling a subtle art not known to someone who hasn’t mastered the right skill level, no matter how many degrees one gains. Counselling is different to clinical therapies, instead therapeutic techniques are imbibed as a part of process. Dominant remains the questioning skills which can be open ended as well closed ended as a juggling step in and out. These questions are not mere targets but insight developers parallel to reflection of thoughts & meanings & these reflections are procedural to any counselling process. When these services are paid for, taking your psychologist for granted just like a family member or friend is taken doesn’t come in picture.
Seeking services for mental health disorders, though gaining existence; is still a stigmatized concept in various parts of the world has also being nearly shadowing counselling, which is a service of people who are ‘otherwise distressed’ either before their concerns take the route of developing a disorder or while being on the path of recovery, counselling acts as a booster service to their well-being. Therapeutic stance of counselling is usually used analogously to psychiatric aid and clinical assessments. So, counselling is for mild to moderate concerns of general life with constructive modulation of the inner dialogue individually as well as among the interpersonal ties.
This is not it; counselling skills work through micro to advanced level and are seen as paramount to balanced emotions, regulated feelings whilst encouraging productive thoughts, Therefore, coming to an understanding of the 'real-life challenge arena' with an acceptance of embracing the hard times with utmost optimism & profound self-value. As a passionate counselling psychologist, this article of awareness is written to enlighten those who feel their people need professional counselling services as well as for those who are carrying the heavy load of shame, guilt or regret silently, please know this load is not your friend & venting it out in a safe & confidential space would help you evolve your healthy being immense.