Love & Discrimination [Case Analysis]
Same-sex couple lived as heterosexuals for 8 years, reveals autopsy
In the small town of Sehore in Madhya Pradesh, a same-sex couple lived together as husband and wife for eight years, till the death of the latter by suicide revealed that she was not a biological woman. The wife’s autopsy report was received by the police last week. The duo, who got married in 2012, presented themselves to their family and neighbours as a heterosexual couple and adopted a child two years after their wedding. Additional superintendent of police, Sehore, Sameer Yadav said that on August 11, the couple fought, following which the wife attempted to immolate herself.
Whenever we analyse any case or any of our own situation we need to see things from three perspectives or rather I would say- 3 roles viz. Actor, Audience and the Director. Looking at the present case from an actor’s role, we can understand as to what we have been taught since ages,
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
(1 Corinthians 13:1) Here, I would like to add on
Love sees no boundaries, love is boundless, love does not differentiate between black and white nor does it see any biological differences.....The duo fell in love with each other in spite of fear and anxiety that they carried within. They gave preference to love as compared to anything else and hence to be with each other for this lifetime they chose a small place to live viz. Sehore in MP. They were surely successful enough to hide their identities well. Just like any other couple they enjoyed the honeymoon phase and then adopted a baby. Probably to fulfil the nurturance instincts that each of us carry within… The masculine and the feminine is present in each human whatever the sex is. It truly doesn’t matter… Hence a child was adopted and nurtured too… The socially presented male is said to have supported the LGBT community as he (as told by his brother) wanted to help his friend live with original identity in this society. The acceptance of self-being a gay/ lesbian is in itself a courageous task. The second courageous task was to stand for love when both got married.
However, he wanted to bring the truth forward legally in front of his family and community. We cannot even imagine the amount of unnecessary guilt, shame, fear and anxiety clubbed with bouts of depression both of them would have carried within… and for what? Love?? or for standing for his love in front of ‘his’ people?? But… who cares? Staying with each other was all they wanted and staying with each other is what they got… As we know you can’t have everything in your plate… Either you focus on the choice and face the consequences or focus on the consequences and let go of the choices…
The consequences here are evident- seclusion from family, emotional disturbances, compromise in career and professional aspirations along with static anxiety, anger and emotional trauma… Autopsy disclosing their identities post death leading to shame in the families…
Now let’s try to understand this scenario as the audience… The audience knows scene 1, scene 3 and what happened between scene 1 and 3 too… Same needs to be understood here… An important point to ponder here is was the child adopted out of nurturance need or out of the societal pressure of having a baby since 2 yrs of their marriage were passed? The core schemas of traditional Indian culture lies in timely finding jobs, marriage and then rearing kids… If not, then unnecessary pressure at each stage of life by aunt agonies and concerned uncles. It is hard to define boundaries as the Indian culture is collectivistic in nature… That’s a trauma a straight couple often faces… Probably two of them didn’t realise while hiding their sexual identities that this pressure may follow… However, just like any other couple they managed the eight years of married life… But, can we presume that same sex couples cannot fight or quarrel? Do they have a different bent of mind? Different thought processes… ehh?? Absolutely not, the fight can easily be explained as a 7-yrs itch… Reasons could be many- pressure by the socially presented female on the male to stand up for the legal identities, taking care of the house hold chores, child’s education or change in interest of any of the duo. Could also be extra-marital affair… Or did someone got to know about their identities and was threatening them to disclose the same to the significant others? Did this became the reason for the fight and immolation? How were the families of the couple?How was the structure and dynamics of the two families? Were they functional or dysfunctional? How is it that not even a single sibling got to know about this marriage? Or did they get to know about it and were not accepted by them? Hence the fight? We can simply guess the cause of the fight and reach to no conclusions unless we do some further investigations in the field itself. Being a Psychologist sitting at a distance what I can be sure about is the emotions that they carried because of choosing each other over their families as mentioned earlier. Along with this a number of inner children in each one… (Connect with me on Instagram to know more about inner children if needed). We have done a number of reforms on discrimination and deprivation. We do study personality types, intelligences and other social concepts like social perceptions, social loafing etc.
Points to ponder here again- Have we done enough to change the perception of the society towards love? Do we understand love at the very first place? Can we for once understand that love, sex and marriage is all about the mutual consent, feelings and the hormonal gush of two people? It has nothing to do with the biological sex given to you by birth… Rather the two types of sexualities that we develop in our developmental stages as explained beautifully by Dr. John Kappas… Are we still matching kundalis before marriage? Why don’t we do pre-marital counselling like the western cultures? Or Match the sexualities? Where is the awareness or implementation on the awareness that is being spread??
Just like the present case there still are so many same sex couples who want to be with each other legally but are afraid to do so because of the social pressure and stigma that is still attached. Poor couple was deprived of parental love and personal as well as the social identities. What can also be concluded here is, the old school led the couple to hide their identities and the new school now stands in support… But all is lost and yet there’s still some hope…Wait! Did I write “hope”? Yes… you read it right… Let’s understand the case from the director’s role now… Before I analyse it from this perspective, I would like to pitch in a disclaimer here… People who do not believe in metaphysics may avoid reading from here onwards… For all others, firstly understand that we come down to Earth i.e. physical plane to learn how to manage our own emotions as this is the only planet in the universe that offers emotions and has a gravity of its own... Once we are down here we are stuck in the emotions and the concepts of life after death as well as the proven concept of Karma and Karmic cycles… Knowing that we ourselves are the actor, the audience and the director of our lives…. We choose our parents and other microcosm… Why did both of them choose to be with each other in spite of same sex? We know by now that we have both masculine and feminine energies in ourselves… When a soul comes to earth in a masculine body and wants to experience the feminity then these are the souls who choose same sex genders or sexuality. The entire plan of existence, the lessons both of them had to learn and the shift they had to bring in the society by their lives is completed.
The director knows which scene will be the first one, which will be second and then what would follow… Same happened with these two love birds and here I am analysing their case for a number of readers… That suggests, more awareness, more understanding, respect and acceptance to the entire community of trans-genders. If only I am able to communicate correctly in these words the message would reach the right audience and together we can give and share more love on this beautiful planet Earth… as we know it!
Leave a Reply