How acceptance can change the equation of your relationship with your partner?
How many of you think that relationships, besides sweet can also be a risky affair? Relationships can be both lovey-dovey as well as a dangerous slippery slope. In the initial stages of a relationship, it is as sweet as honey but as days pass these feelings of sweetness might turn into a bitter feeling. So it can be fantastic and awful at the same time. Love is a feeling, and hence quite often, we see feelings do change. We no longer can keep hold of the same emotions as days pass. But again, it does come back. These eventful emotions accompanied by ups and downs in the emotional status of human beings continue throughout their life till the person breathes his/her last breath. The majority of us takes relationships as some fantasy in our life. So when reality meets illusion, disappointments occur. We get shattered when our expectations do not meet with our respective partners. When we get into a relationship, instead of taking our responsibilities, we try to pass it on to the person with whom we are. We think now it is they who should be taking this charge of our life. So it is this very fact as to why relationships nowadays do not last long. It is the bare minimum expectation that we keep from the other person in relation. We feel that it is very nominal and, it is quite natural to have this kind of expectancy from the person with whom we are in love. And how far is this correct?
The crux of any relationship should be unconditional love with full acceptance without any hope of returns from your respective partner. Now to some people, this might look quite challenging because we have become so self-centered over a period of time in just loving ourselves and hoping to be loved by them. So instead, why cannot we do the otherwise and merely love the person and spread happiness. Now there are erroneous attempts to find the perfect partner and true love, accompanied by false concepts that people preach when they are in relationships. This leads to excessive heartbreaks and broken families with loneliness, miseries, and of course sufferings that are brought into relationships.
So we should slightly shift our focus from expectations to complete acceptance. Rather than always moaning about the fact that our partner is not meeting our needs, we can help ourselves in fixing our mind and heart that it is okay if our partner does not do it. We are sufficient enough to handle it, and we are strong enough to fulfill our needs.
How to bring that slightest change in your relationships? :
Stop being judgmental: Often it happens that we hunt for that one chance of difference and, we jump to a conclusion and end up judging that person. And in any case, no one likes to be judged by others. Everyone is different from the other. You need to cultivate patience and learn the art of acceptance for the sake of your relationship. You need to understand that the opposite person cannot think alike nor do the same thing that you like. It is always not the case that you both end up liking or doing the same thing. Sometimes it will differ and, at that time, you have no right to be judgmental to them for being different than you. One thing that we can always keep as a reminder to ourselves is that the less we judge, the more peace we create for our own selves, as well as for the relationship and the other person.
Accept the change instead of trying to change: The first thing that we do not like anything about a person is something we try hard to change. It puts that person under the constant pressure of adopting our sets of beliefs, opinions, and habits. It is the same thing as building expectations from the other person.
We must let the other person live with their set of beliefs, choices, and preferences. We must give them the freedom to choose their worst or best in life. Our saying will not bring any such change in them unless they have the urge to change themselves from within. When we try to impose what is right/wrong on them, it not only brings trouble in our own peaceful paradise but also messes up with our peace of mind. So sometimes, we should not be that hard on ourselves to change the person or situation. We sometimes have to keep things loose for the sake of everyone’s betterment.
Stick to each other through thick and thin: We must have the understanding that no one is perfect and imperfections are not awful but sometimes the best thing. This is how it makes a relationship more beautiful. If we are with someone, then we must love and accept their imperfections and fall in love with their flaws so then only we can acknowledge their love for us.
We need to understand that if we can make mistakes, then so do the other person. Every time the thought of detachment is not a sign of a healthy and firm relationship. The only success lies in staying through the toughest of situations and acknowledging the setbacks that both face.
Believe there is more good than the bad: We always keep track of the bad than the good, but in actual it should be the opposite. It is easy to keep a count of the bad but does it have any positive solutions? No, the more negative you calculate, the more negative you are becoming towards the person with whom you share a bond.
Before the other person, you need to have a strong belief in your relationship and the beautiful days it has given you so far. To have more good days, you need to support, or at least understand the negatives as well because only holding rigidly onto the positive will not make you prepared for the worst, and there will be conflicts of right and wrong along your course every time.
“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” – Donald Miller.
The uprightness of love is simple, and yet it is hard. It is an adventure, and you need to take a chance. It has got all elements in it that is joy, happiness, fear, excitement, pleasure, and pain. The only way to grow in your relationship is the willingness to accept whole-heartedly your partner, and also enjoy the journey. If you want to have your bare minimum expectations fulfilled, then the other side also has their bare minimums too. And these little bare minimums pile up and give birth to a series of expectations in a relationship. So by letting go of all these expectations, you not only build a good bond with yourself but also with people because the more complete you feel from within, the more responsible you can act towards the other person.